Strong Oak

Hello I'm LastPaladin and I'll be your reviewer. Basically let me explain this now, this had no real feeling from it, it's a environmental message I get. But you do nothing but preach you're not even subtle about it. Also it just sort of begins, it doesn't hook you just lazily latches on to your mind. And then it ends, it's not subtle here, it's weak, you have a message which is often done and you just end half heartedly, it's missing another stanza or two inbetween them, something to bring us up. But this just drags you along painfully, as you try and evoke sympathy and emotion without any decent images to see. I still don't understand what I'm supposed to see.

It does nothing to interest you, and the images meander, but never really go anywhere, in the end poem leaves us with anti-climatic feel and a bit peeved we've been preached to by something that does nothing to simulate mind.


Remember a common rule in poetry, show don't tell. That is said, I like the idea of talking to flowers. But it's not enough to save this.

I hope this helped.

Hello! I think this poem has potential - there is plenty of imagery you can build upon. However, it seems a little unfinished. I mean, the ending kinda sounds like you've stopped it halfway through but still had more to say - it doesn't sound like it has much of a conclusion. Also, the two stanzas, while both sounding very pretty, don't seem to be linked. The second one has a metaphor, which I love (I'm a sucker for metaphors) but I'm not sure how the flowers in the first stanza are relevant to the second stanza. I'm sure you mean "look" not "loot" and as for talking to flowers, well that's just a bit random. I think the second stanza is much better, and that you just need to think of what else you want to say in this poem, and how you can connect the two stanzas and give the first part a bit more relevance. Hope that helps!

Thank you both for taking the time to read this.

Matt, I completely understand what you mean by saying it seems unfinished and I appreciate how you elaborated on why it's unfinished. For some reason, I just couldn't see it myself and that was my reason for posting this on the site. Thanks!