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Hi guys, so this was my story and i ran out of posts on this account

Sorry nate if thats bad

biffle

Corrections, comments and suggestions in red.

SuperCurryPuff wrote:Dear Daddy,

I miss you. You can probably tell since I pray to you every night. Okay, we're not a Christian family, but it gives me closure. Hmm..That period could probably be a comma and the next sentence could be joined to this one. Like you are still here holding my hand.
It's your birthday. You turned thirty eight today. Me and Mom made a cake and everything. It was vanilla with blue icing; your favourite. You sentences are very short and sort of choppy. Try joining some of them, it would sound quite a bit better
I won a competition, at school, for the best creative writing sample out of every single student. It was about the time you took me fishing. I caught five, big fish and you got a tiny one. You handed it to me to throw it back. I watched your eyes before I threw it.
i <<The "i" needs capitalization really wish you could come down from heaven and come fishing just one more time. I just need to here you laugh, see you smile, one more time. Hmm...Your sentences are still quite short. Joining them together would be a good idea.
Mom doesn't miss you, though. She has found a new husband. I hate the guy, he is always trying to replace you. He thinks he can come into my room and talk about me, like I'm some depressed psychopath. He says I need to go to a shrink. I tried talking to Mom about it but she goes along with him.
Dad, you are my guardian angel, if you can read this, Here is where the sentence should break off. The next fragment should be another sentence alltogether. say hi to Aunt Cecile for me.
If love was counted in dollars, you'd be a millionaire.
I miss you.

Paige.

Overall:
I liked this, it was really sweet. Is this something that actually has happened to you, or is it just a short story? Either way it's sad and happy all at the same time.
Lots of your sentences were rather short and it made it sort of awkward to read. Don't take this personally though, just try joining a few up here and there and adding an extra word/phrase or two.
You have amazing potential! I'd just watch sentence structure a bit and you're on your way!

SO CUTE! IT MADE ME CRY.

I don't have anything to say, other than this really got to me and I love the way it was written. I hope you write more. I'd do an actual review but I'm pressed for time and I just wanted to get a comment in. So, thanks for posting and shoot me a PM if you need a hardcore review, 'cuz I'll give you one!

Love,
Fixed