Red

Red
Red is all I see
Red is what I want
It’s what I need

I see my pray
Quivering with fear
I don’t want to hurt him
What I want, is his crimson tears

While he shakes
His mellow onyx hair
The scent smashes me
With gale force winds
I didn’t want to hurt him
All I wanted was his crimson rivers
Running through his body

Red is all I see
That is what I needed
I tried to love him

But he didn’t love me
He loved another girl
That is why I wanted
Red, the red from him

Note: This poem was written by one of my friends and she asked me to post it for her. All of the credit belongs to her!!!

WOOKIE!!!!! I SHALL REVIEW THIS POEM FOR YOUR FRIEND!!!! As an act of service in the name of hot movie stars.

Okay Nitpicks, here we go...

Actually not really any nitpicks, except have her add a few commas here and there and periods. Punctuate it basically.

Overall, this is an amazing poem. I like it, and loved how she based everything off of red. I get the idea at the end, and I like the description she put in there. Tell her I say hi and that this was a great poem!

Cheers!

~Forest (Mrs. James Kirk )

Hmm, let's see. This is a good start. The red is throughout which is needed. However, I think the red of him should be described in more ways. You have blood, you have the tears, the red of love. But aren't all of those things overused in general? What else is red? Perhaps something that reminds the narrator of her love (him). What are other ways of describing red? Instead of using adjectives like 'red', use nouns...

The first stanza repeats itself which is probably not necesary at all. You could use one line from that stanza and expand on it. Example: "Red is what I want./The ______ of the ____" etc. etc. You know what I mean? All poems need things for the reader to grab on to.
You almost have it around the third to last stanza with "mellow onyx hair" but gale force winds is not quite right. Keep writing.

If you have any questions PM me!

I LOVE IT! I will give all credits your friends.

Wow, it's been long since I wrote that poem. Yes, the one who wrote this is me. I unfortunately joined shortly after Wookie told me about his place. I see now some of my own mistakes, but hey, I was 13 when I wrote it, cut me some slack!