Harry Potter & The Order Of The Pizza!

This is a script that I wrote and performed with some friends. It's not that good, I just found it lurking on my computer and thought I'd post it on here.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Pizza

Cast
Harry Potter
Hermione Granger
Draco Malfoy
Goyle
Voldermort/The pizza man
Dumbledore
Scene 1
The first scene takes place in Hogwarts School. The children are sitting in the Dinner Hall. Harry and Hermione receive a postcard from Ron who is in Egypt. Goyle and Draco are chatting.
Harry: Bored, Bored, Bored. I’m so bored. Lucky Ron is in Egypt and we’re stuck here receiving news that Voldermort’s back.
(Harry sighs)
Hermione: Oh well, at least your scar’s not been hurting recently, which must mean that Voldermort isn’t near.
(Harry nods)
(Dumbledore stands and clears his throat.)
Dumbledore: Silence!!! I have an announcement to make. As you are all worried because He Who Must Not Be Named is back I shall cheer you up by ORDERING PIZZA!
Draco: Brill!
[b]Goyle: Yum!
Crabbe:[/b] Food!
All except Dumbledore: Hooray!
(Everyone mutters in the background whilst Dumbledore orders pizza on the phone.)
Dumbledore: Hello, is that Magic Malcolm’s Pizza? Good. I’d like to order a 24” pumpkin pizza with extra cheese. OK. Bye.



Scene 2(The door bell rings. Dumbledore answers the door.)
Dumbledore: Ah good, the pizza. Thanks.
(Dumbledore pays the pizza delivery man the money.)
Pizza man: I would like to see Harry Potter.
Dumbledore: Why?
P.M.: Er, um, I’m a big fan.
Dumbledore: Very well. Harry!
(Dumbledore exits and Harry enters, scratching his scar in pain.)
P.M.: Ah, Harry Potter, nice to see you again.
Harry: What? I’ve never met you before.
P.M.: There you are wrong for I am Voldermort in disguise and I am here to rid the world from the boy who lived, once and for all.
Harry: Ah!
Voldermort: But before I kill you I will offer you some pizza.
(Harry is relieved)
Harry: Oh, thanks.
(Harry bites a slice of pizza, calls Hermione, coughs and then faints.
Hermione, Dumbledore, Draco and Goyle rush on to the stage at the racket and stare at Harry.)
Goyle: Voldermort our hero!
(Draco faints into Goyles arms.)
Hermione and Dumbledore: What have you done?
Voldermort: Ha, Ha, Ha!!! He must have eaten a snake venom sprayed pumpkin seed.
Hermione: Is that bad?
Voldermort: Yes you muggle, when he wakes up his bones will turn to jelly and stay like that for 50 years!!!
Hermione: You evil beast!
(Hermione draws her wand but is tempted by the smell of the pizza and takes a small nibble.)
Hermione: What? It’s only a small bite and it smells delicious.
(Hermione chokes on the pizza and runs of stage.)
Draco: You’re wonderful Voldermort.
Goyle: Go Voldermort! Hooray!
Voldermort: That would be the arti-CHOKES!!! Ha, Ha, Ha!
(Draco and Goyle laugh.)
Dumbledore: Ahh!!
(Dumbledore runs off stage.)
Draco: Voldermort you’re our hero!
Goyle: You’re our idol.
D and G: Please can we have your autograph?
(They chase him and he throws the left over pizza at them. Voldermort and the two boys leave stage[i].Dumbledore casts a spell on Harry and Harry wakes up cured.)[/i]
Harry: Dumbledore I hope there were free drinks with that pizza.
(Harry coughs.)
Dumbledore: Er, no.
Harry coughs and runs off stage followed by Dumbledore.

I'm a big fan of Harry Potter - or was, a few years back - so I have to say, this is one of the funniest things I've read in a long time However, the dialogue was forced - contrived, I think, is a better word; these characters do not speak as the characters in the novel do. I think you'd have a punchier piece by having the characters talk in mostly the same way, but just with more weird circumstances, such as that of Dumbledore asking for pizza delivery. Honestly, I've been laughing over this for quite some time now, and have only just recovered sufficiently to write something coherent - so well done! And it was so inventive, too; though 'artichokes' was a bit of a bad pun. I still grinned at it.

Hi.

Well, I'm a HUGE Harry Potter fan and I have to say, this is pretty hilarious. To counter Navita, I think it's funny BECAUSE it's so this-could-never-happen-in-a-million-years. Oh, and I loved Voldy's bad pun. Of course, it's not like this could end up on the big screen, but for fan-made I think it's awesome!

Thank you!

I did laugh alot at this, it was a very funny script. It was inventive, and imaginative, I can't really write a proper review for this (as I would not know what to say) so all I have to say is:
Well done, keep it up!
~Tamara
x

Haha thanks Tamara, that's good enough for me!!

I can see this was designed to be short skit of some sort. it was hilarious! it was utterly ridiculous, and I didn't take it too seriously. in terms of plot and dialogue, I appreciated the simplicity of it. I loved the way Voldemort became the typical "mwahahaha!!" villain with his sights set on world domination using the time-honoured tool of corrupted pizza. haha! well done, its cute. i can tell it was written among good friends who probably couldn't stop cracking up before the end!

Hahahahahahahaha! It is because I DON'T like Harry Potter I like this! Nice make fun!

I agree with Navita! I like the complete ridiculous-ness of the whole thing; its absurdity is what makes it so loveable, but you could definitely up the ante with a bit of work. Think a bit about what makes the characters so memorable and play on those idiosyncrasies. For instance, Hermione was so dumb! And that's just not her at all. It's fine if she does stupid stuff, but she could at least be bossy about it, or quote Hogwarts, A History at us.

I think my favorite part is the concept of Voldy dressing up like a pizza delivery guy to sneak into Hogwarts. It's so Potter Puppet Pals. XD

I still haven't quite gotten over Harry Potter since the series ended almost a year ago, it's good to see that other people still care as well. Your script was really funny. I enjoyed the way you didn't take it too seriously. It reminded me of Potter Puppet Pals on youtube (a series which I am embarassed to say I like). Thank you for posting this, it made me laugh on a rainy day.

Heya!

Well, to be honest, I'm not too crazy about this. I'm a huge HP fan, but I just... didn't find it very funny. You humour seemed very forced, like you were trying too hard to be funny and it just came out rather childish. That said, you had a few good lines that I can see why people would find this funny. For a fan made skit, it's cute, but nothing more, at least for me. Well, you can't please everyone. Keep writing!

-Dreamy

Hi Dreamy I'm sorry I didn't really excite you by this piece. It wasn't really something I took much time on. Anywell, as you said you can't please everyone!

Thank you to everyone for their comments and sorry I've not been on YWS for a little while.

-Sophie

This is very random and... Well.... I don't know what to say. It's good, as it's something your probably took time and your thought into. It's good and I liked it. Well done.