A Single Soul

***I didn't really know what to call this...some suggestions would be great.

Accusing eyes pass an uncaring glance
Upon their victim, her eyes alight
With tears that creep across their corners.
Will no one, not a single soul
Give her a chance of redemption
From this face she’s forced to hold?

On she walks as if in trance
Dead-locked on her destination
Hoping no one sees her armor
Begin to crack, patched in desperation.
Will no one, not a single soul
Offer her empathy
Of her shattered self
Withered and worn?
No, not a soul, a single soul.
For truth is there is no clean slate.
With that her spirits fades
And dissipates.

This is very cool, I love your description and deepness.
You are talented, I'll tell you that.

keep writing!
PM me if you need anything!
~Smexx

From the very beginning to the very end you give us some controversy which is great. However your approach is a bit weak. Let's see. First off, accusing eyes would not be uncaring towards their victims. They would be judgemental, yes? Find a way to say this without actually saying it. I like the description of armor - it's tangible, but saying that it's cracking is pretty everyday. Think of another way to describe the armour - maybe tell us what its been through, what it's made of and what it looks like when it starts to break apart. Give us some juicy metaphors to run away with! Lastly, I do not like the word spirit! It's so easy. Think of another way to conjure up that same feeling but with other words. I dare ya!

Happy writing! Keep up the good work.

wow, whoever this girl or woman is, she really is down in the dumps haha.

i thought the armor begining to crack part was actually quite good, it shows that she is starting to break down and is a metaphor which is also good. i do think you have done a good job with this poem. so this girl has done something wrong i'm guessing "chance of redemption" "no clean slate" i think, the fact that the reader never finds out what she had done is a good thing. so keep it up

Booky here to review, comments in bold!

Accusing eyes passsomehow the word pass doesn't do it for me here, it breaks the flow an uncaringi know it's nitpicky, but being the word lover i am, there are so many better words than uncaring! glance
Upon their victim, her eyes alightlove this!
With tears that creep across their corners.
Will no one, not a single soul
Give her a chance of redemption fantastic!
From this face she’s forced to hold?okay, okay, personal choice thing here, but i really find that most rhyming poems are forced, and this line doesn't really match up...the message is more important than the rhyme

On she walks as if in trance
Dead-locked on her destinationdead locked...interesting but not feeling it
Hoping no one sees her armor
Begin to crack, patched in desperation.patched in desperation...fantastic
Will no one, not a single soul
Offer her empathy
Of her shattered self
Withered and worn?withered? maybe...
No, not a soul, a single soul.
For truth is there is no clean slate.
With that her spirits fades
And dissipates.nice ending, overall this poem is nicely written, but there are a few nitty grittys to pick at.

Booky here to review, comments in bold!

Accusing eyes passsomehow the word pass doesn't do it for me here, it breaks the flow an uncaringi know it's nitpicky, but being the word lover i am, there are so many better words than uncaring! glance
Upon their victim, her eyes alightlove this!
With tears that creep across their corners.
Will no one, not a single soul
Give her a chance of redemption fantastic!
From this face she’s forced to hold?okay, okay, personal choice thing here, but i really find that most rhyming poems are forced, and this line doesn't really match up...the message is more important than the rhyme

On she walks as if in trance
Dead-locked on her destinationdead locked...interesting but not feeling it
Hoping no one sees her armor
Begin to crack, patched in desperation.patched in desperation...fantastic
Will no one, not a single soul
Offer her empathy
Of her shattered self
Withered and worn?withered? maybe...
No, not a soul, a single soul.
For truth is there is no clean slate.
With that her spirits fades
And dissipates.nice ending, overall this poem is nicely written, but there are a few nitty grittys to pick at.

I really liked this, and I think the title you chose fits it well.

This is a powerful work of art, StoryWeaver13! I think your title is most appropriate and suits this poem very well!

I particularly like these lines:

"Will no one, not a single soul
Give her a chance of redemption
From this face she’s forced to hold?"

Those lines remind me of one of my favorite bands: RED! They would totally write something similar and as gripping!

Keep up the good work!