Chapter One
The nightlife of the abysmal city of Hermes was always too short. Soon the only people that walked the shadowy streets were the ones who manage to stumble out of every night club or bar in order for them to make their way home; either on their way home or with someone they had picked up from possibly flirting. It was only minutes to twelve, the exact time when every horror imaginable came out to play with the livestock that were available to toy for each of them to share in their twisted ways. People who foolishly believed that that they were the only things to worry about usually knew of these horrors. They were your average thieves, rapists, serial killers, kidnappers, ect. What no one seemed to take notice was the real threat to civilization walked amongst them ever so nonchalantly.
The sound of slow walking echoed throughout the dark,empty lifeless streets. No one dared to look upon the enigmatic stranger, nor did they bother him with the cruel screams in their obscure private corners, painful moans escaping their victims lips. Ignoring the dire cries for help he made his way into a popular nightclubs in neon red lights it blinked 'SOULLESS'.
Ignoring the loud racket that emitted from the hidden speakers, he pushed his way through the crowd of dancers and made his way through the bar. Taking a seat on the stool he swiveled around in the stool to survey the crowded club.
No one seemed to stick out to him much until a brown haired girl ran out, with tears in her eyes. The emotion he was picking up from her told him she had just gotten her heart broken by someone stupid enough to do so. Pushing at his messy dark mane with his right hand, he followed the girl out of the club, picking up the sounds of crying from the nearest alleyway. Walking slowly towards the alley and looked upon the weeping girl from afar. She couldn't be no older than nineteen or so. Her break down sent his emotion radar off board, allowing his imagination to pick out words for him to say if they were any.
"Poor child...... no one understands your pain as much as I do..." He kept to the shadows like he always did when it came to hunting, his deep baritone a resounding pitch of eerie silence. Her sobbing came to halt, her curiosity and fear growing. The fear was what made the blood so sweet and tender, like that of a woman's flesh.
"Wh-- Who's there," her voice trembled, her emotions colliding together. Her very own mind seemed weird and wonderful to him, like that of a growing child. She still was innocent of her own rights, so innocent she wasn't used to what she was feeling now.
"Hush dear child," he cooed,"I'm not here to hurt you." Walking out of the darkness that surrounded him, he allowed her to see what he looked like. A dark jet black mane that cascaded down his back, the color contrasting against his pale skin. His lean frame leaned on the red-brick wall, making her fear grow as she stared into those striking cerulean eyes of his. Wiping at her own, she never notice the black wings that graced his back, allowing all to see and to stay away from his prey. He loved her ignorance of his most distinguishable feature as he leaned in and gently covered her lips with his, kissing her passionatley like he did all his victims before a kill.
The kiss was delectable as his tongue wondered around her cavern, delicate moans reached his particularly sensitive ears, before leaving her lips to pay more attention to her slender neck. Allowing the smirk to crease his emotionless features before finally sinking his razor sharp fangs into her flesh.
She yelp and tried to push him off, but his ungodly strength held her there completely under his control. Darkness began clouding her vision. She tried shaking it off as hard as she could, but came to no avail. She gripped his frame trying to keep her balance, she was terribly weak now and her sight fading fast. The pain began to greatly increase as she held onto his back for support, her legs buckled underneath her as her body became limp and lifeless within his arms.
She was completely drained now as he laid her carcass down on the alley floor. Leaving her body there to rot was the most ungraceful thing he'd ever done- hell he barely fed off humans. But it was the way his master, Lucius, had taught him how to survive.
In truth, he never knew his sire. Lucius had picked him up mindlessly wondering the dark streets, not knowing how to survive. Water tasted like acid and fresh food quickly rotted in his stomach, bringing it back up. Half-dead and starving in an alley, Lucius came to the rescue, descending like an angel from the atmosphere and the next thing he remember was the sweetest liquid which could be tasted upon his lips.
Heavy footsteps reached his ears warning him that someone was coming toward the corridor. Others were approaching and would surely discover the dead body. Snapping out of his reminisce, he stretched his long graceful black wings out that begged to take flight. Slowly gravitating, he ascended into the air and flied away from the scene. Behind him cries and hysterical screams reached his acute hearing from the fool that had broken her hear and vibrated throughout the the city of Hermes.
there were many words wrongly spelt which changed the whole meaning of the sentence. Don;t ever do that. The word wandering became wondering, barely became barley and so on. i have pointed them above.
You have a big problem with commas I could see. Try this link:
