Unknown Incidence (3)

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All of my clothes flood my room while I look for the perfect outfit. Colin and his family are coming to visit for a while; but I still have got to look nice. It was nice to talk to him again, Colin has really changed, but in a good way. He changed only in the look and some in the character and still he's exactly the same.

"God!" The clothes fall onto me.This is pissing me off looking and looking! it would be easier if, I don't now how it could be easier.
Seriously, I can't choose! It used to be easier, why am I trying so hard to look good?
Knock, knock.
"Come in," I only expect my mom coming into my room.
"Whoa! Why did your closet blow up," Colin says.
"Colin?" I get up.
"Yeah, who'd-you think it was?"
My mom
"Uh, no one," A sweater falls off of me. This mess is killing me.
"As I asked before, why did your closet blow up?" His hands fall into his pockets.
"Uh, I was looking for this sweater, yeah," I pick up my green sweater.
"Oh,"
The clothes are still all over my floor so I walk out of the mess and get right next to Colin. He looks nice, I guess he dressed for this occasion. Colin's wearing a pair of black skinny jeans, a yellow top with a tie on, those kind that come with the tops (the small ones, it's black).

"When did you guys come?"
"Uh, an hour ago," Now I feel stupid, I was sitting up here! It's like ignoring and I didn't men to do that!
Wow, picking out an outfit really does take up your time.
My room goes darker from the sun going down.
"Oh, I didn't notice when you came," Why am I getting this awkward feeling?
"I kind of know why," He points at the mess.
"Yeah," My heart is beating fast and my stomach turns every time I look at him, it's like a burning feeling. What is it?
I stare at my white bed trying to not look at Colin or else the stomach turn will come up again.
"Are you comin' downstairs?" I can see his light blue eyes shine from the moon light.
"Yeah--in a sec," Come on, I just couldn't help it, I had to look at him.
Okay, I gotta find that outfit.
*

I found it, and it looks great. It only took me 5 minutes. So, it's not so hard to find the outfit?
My hands pick at my top to make it perfect.
"Hey it's your turn," Colin bothers me with Monopoly.
"Oh, yeah," My piece slides down the board.
"Are you tired of playin'?" His piece gets closer to me and I feel that burn in my stomach again.
"Uh, kinda," The heart beating thing again!
"We can stop," My eyes go to his and he gets a bit closer.
Oh, God. Oh God, Oh God!
The room gets this romantic feel. He grabs my body and his lips touch mine. I can feel his hands going around my body and my heart keeps on beating fast. My hands go in his hair and we continue kissing. Our bodies are hot from the kisses and no one but us are in the world. I end up laying on the Monopoly board with Colin's hands under my back grabbing me harder as our kisses get deeper, I can feel every finger poking me with a soft touch. My fingers are sliding in his soft blonde hair. The heart beating thing is faster and my stomach turns and turns. It's getting so hot in here! My feeligs keep on growing when his hands go up my stomach and mine slide to his neck. Our bodies are touching, I feel amazing.


I wake up with sweat dripping on my body. God, I feel asleep in the clothes mess?!
That dream was, was, was I don't know. Awkward.

I wake up with sweat dripping on my body. God, I feel asleep in the clothes mess?!
That dream was, was, was I don't know. Awkward.
“Wow, you finally woke up,” I hear Colin’s voice over the sweater on my ear.
“Yeah, I guess,” My body lifts up off the ground.
“I thought that you were gonna come down an hour ago,”
I throw the sweater down. “So did I,”
“Our parents are at Olive Garden, they said that I should stay with you since you obviously didn’t wanna go,” He gets closer to me.
“Of course I would have gone!”
“Really?”
I start picking up the clothes and put them where they were before.

“Well, if I would have known earlier,” Colin comes to help me. My heart beats faster feeling a cold breeze wipe me.
“Oh, come on,”
“Okay, if I would have known that we would be able to stay alone again like old times, than no, I wouldn’t have gone,” I admit.
“Nice,” He smiles.
“What?” I pick up the last top that was left.
“Nothin’,”
I hit him and we both laugh.

“You didn’t wanna come downstairs to us that badly so you fell asleep?” We don’t move.
“I wanted to, it’s just that, I couldn’t find anything to wear,” I mutter.
“Oh, you wanted to look nice?” He mocks me.
“Please, I wanted to look nice so I won’t be in my sweats with company,” I hit him again.
“Uhuh, well, I guess underwear is perfect for the occasion,”
I look at myself and see I’ve got only my underwear and bra on. Nice going Alex. Nice.

“Oh my God,”
“Yeah,”
I rummage through my wardrobe and take out the Peace shirt my mom got me, a black vest and short shorts. I slide everything on watching Colin so he wouldn’t look at me changing.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I stand in front of him.

“Well, I thought you knew.” He smiles.
“Huh,”

Comment please! I wanna know what you think! :thud:
Last edited by Nike on Fri Apr 16, 2010 3:50 pm, edited 3 times in total.
"If I look like a monster,' he says roughly, 'then no one will be surprised when I do monstrous things." - A.B. Poranek




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Hey, this is Esther Sylvester!

I haven't read the chapters before this, and something tells me I should, but I liked it quite a bit. I seriously enjoyed the spontaneous dream that the MC had. I kind of wish that you could have had a bit more description so I could get more of a feel for whats going on,though. Even though I have not read the chapters before it I still think some more description would have been nice.

"Whoa! Why did your closet blow up," Colin says.
"Colin?" I get up.
"Yeah, who'd you think it was?"
My mom.


Ha! I liked this line.

OVERALL:

Good job. Some grammatical errors but I'm not really one to point those out. Characters as much as I read are good. I should go back and read the other ones! :P
It's writing prompt week on my blog a very random pickle!:
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Awesome!

Compared to chapter two this is brilliant. There's still quite a lot of speech overall, but with the extra descriptions here and there it all flows quite smoothly.

This one has much better structure as well, though there is still room for improvement. Line breaks after speech, perhaps?

I'm also really liking how the story is developing. I'm really curious whether that dream was actually a dream or a memory. t seems to be a very one sided story, which works. The mystery of Colin really does well for the plot.

Falling asleep in her underwear and having Colin find her is funny, but it seems a little random, really. Is she the kind of person to fall asleep like that? If so, you should probably mention it beforehand, to make it look a little less circumstantial.

Right, on to Part(4)
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Okay.
"When did you guys come?"
"Uh, an hour ago," Now I feel stupid, I was sitting up here! It's like ignoring and I didn't mean to do that!


I wake up with sweat dripping on my body. God, I feel asleep in the clothes mess?!
That dream was, was, was I don't know. Awkward.

You repeated that twice.
Overall, AWESOME! (;
michelle
Hope you like my 'Books'!
Kocham Cie(:
-Michelle



I sleep with reckless abandon!
— Link Neal