Outspoken Rain

5 posts
Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 1454
Reviews 17
The day had been a painful one. She and Andrew had run errands all day, but he was saddened and his face was pain stricken. The California suburb weather was it’s usual hot and humid self and made her miss her life in Texas where everything was less complicated. Andrew and her had been dating since the third week in February, and they both loved each other with everything they had. They shared a compassionate relationship where they told each other everything and laughed at the smallest things. Andrew was the boy she new she would never forget, and she hoped they would remain together like this for the rest of their lives, but today changed things. Andrew and Abigail hopped into the car after the Wal-Mart run and she couldn’t take it anymore.

“Andrew,” she started. He kept his eye focused on the road, not even bothering to answer, “What’s wrong?”

He looked from side to side as he drove around the town, “Nothing,” he answered vaguely.
“I know you, Andrew. I know you better than anyone, so don’t tell me that something isn’t wrong because I know something is wrong!”

He pulled into a random park parking lot and swerved angrily into a parking spot.
“Damn it, Abigail!” he yelled. It was the first time she had even heard him yell. He punched the steering wheel before opening his door and storming out.

She followed him called out his name, “Andrew! Stop this. You have no right treating me like this!”

Her plea hit him in the heart like a sudden jolt and he stopped in his tracks. He loved her so deeply. He could hear her footsteps approaching him gently. Her arm touched his shoulder, her thumb touching his neck. He could never resist her touch.

“Andrew…” she started again.

He rolled his fingers through his hair and sat down beneath the nearest tree. He put his hear in-between his knees and she sat down beside him. “It’s Lily,” he finally answered, trying not to cry.

Abigail’s heart began to beat, not knowing what was wrong with his darling little sister she had grown to love so much. Her face grew hot and she began to speak after a few minutes of silence.

“W-w-what about…” she answered before he interrupted.

“She has congested heart failure. She was born with it, but it’s gradually gotten worse.”

Tears filled Abigail’s eyes and she stood up and walked into the sunshine. Lily had always looked frail to her, but she never would’ve thought something as serious as this would happen to her. The California breeze rolled through her chestnut hair and she couldn’t help but let out a sob. After one started, she couldn’t control her emotions. Her body shook and Andrew came up behind her, turning her around to embrace her in a hug. They both cried and she could feel their bodies shake with never ending sobs. Her hands clung to his navy blue t-shirt, while his hands where wrapped tightly along her lower waist. They could hear children laughing in the background and they wondered how people could be so happy in a world where bad things always happened.

After who knows how long, they began walked back towards the car, for the clouds were coming and the evening rain would soon come. He walked her to her door, but before he could open it, his lips crushed hers violently. He had never been violent before, but always gentle and passionate. They pressed themselves up against his car and she felt his longings. His hands explored for a while and then she broke the kiss as violently as it had started.

“Andrew, your…your not thinking straight here!” His hands were now spread in her soft hair and he could feel her confusion. She knew what he wanted, not saying she didn’t want it either, but right now he just needed it for all the wrong reasons.

“Your right,” he answered and his lips found hers again gently.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1492
Reviews 6
Your book is really good so far! I like how you write and think you have good potential for story writing! I hope you will PM me when you have more to this story I would love to read it! I like how you start things off with something big that draws in the readers. Its really interesting and I cant wait for more!
I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I'm not.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1772
Reviews 6
Hey there! My comments will be in red today :)

He put his hear I think you mean head in-between his knees and she sat down beside him. “It’s Lily,” he finally answered, trying not to cry.


“Andrew, your…your You're for you are, not your not thinking straight here!”


So yeah, those two things were really the only thing I found wrong with this piece, it was really good!

PM me when you get the next part out! :D
the opposite of peace isn't
WAR
it's
CREATION




User avatar
Gender None specified
Points 454
Reviews 20
I think its "congestive heart failure" and not "congested".

I




User avatar
Gender None specified
Points 28776
Reviews 446
Nice one. Will Lily Die?? And does Abigail have something like feelings for Andrew??

I liked the story which includes the characters, different perspectives, how you describe their feelings towards another person... but you left it hanging! ow! please PM when you're done making the next chapter!! :D

waiting for it...
"Life is a poem keep it in the present tense." -Sherrel Wigal



Every really new idea looks crazy at first.
— Alfred North Whitehead