The Sickness

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I wouldn't wish this on anyone
Not on my enemies,
Nor the hated
No one
For no one deserves this nightmare
It becomes a fear,
You obsess over not getting it
Like I did
But that was then,
It's too late
This thing is inside of me
Tearing at me
Destroying and crippling my innards
And I am afraid
How long will this go on?
They're all different, always changing
Never the same
That is how they get you
That is how IT gets you
I was warned, once
Warned this might happen,
I disobeyed,
I didn't care
It wouldn't happen to me,
It couldn't
I'm safe
I was dead wrong
This monster encased in me wont stop
You must go for help once infected
Run,
Scream,
Call anyone,
Find a way,
Or you will perish,
Simply, I might say
From something as harmless as,
A tainted program...




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It's an interesting poem. I'm unsure of the story inside it, either if you are talking about a sickness or you are talking about something else. The last line is what confuses me. But, poems aren't always open like a book, so it might just be me. :] Another part that confuses me:

"It becomes a fear/ You obsess over not getting it"

How can you obsess over not getting something fearful? Or is the obsession not to get this fear. I'm a little unsure.

But other then that, the emotion in it is strong, which is a plus and something you always want to have. :] I liked it. Keep it up!-Quets
And I vow oath to this creed and all who are within it, to protect and value them all.
-Altorian Guard Recruit Ceremony




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This really confused me like Quetseli said above. The first thing that I thought about was cancer, I don't know why haha. The last line confused me to. Maybe it is just me as well haha. Very nice besides the confusion in it haha.

Keep Writing

-Flower Child-
My reality comes to a close as I once again realize that you don't love me, and even if I love you with my everything you will never care.





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I agree with the two previous posts, you might need to change a couple of the lines in the poem so it makes more sense, but this was a very good attempt at a poem. :)
Apple of my soul,
Eats me whole,
Take one bite,
No delight,
Rotting hole.




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Quetseli:

I will agree the inside story is quite challenging, but it was suppose to be a form of computer virus. It's hinted at the end with the program bit. People can contract a computer virus by downloading or opening an infected program. I wanted it to be kind of twisted and different. For the line that confused you: "It becomes a fear/ You obsess over not getting it", that was suppose to be saying that you become afraid of being infected by it, and you start to obsess over ways to try to not get it. Hope that clears it up? :)

Thank you for your comment! :D

Flower~Child:

Yes, cancer was something I wanted people to look at when they read it, haha. I hope that you understand the poem now (stated above).

Thank you very much for your comment though. :)

JaneThermopolis:

I will defiantly look into tweaking it, and I hope you understand it now.

Thank you for the critique!



Meatball, meatball, spaghetti underneath; ravioli, ravioli, great barrier reef!
— Spongebob