The Sad State of Michael Holtzapfel

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This is something that i had to do for an assignment about a year back for a project on the Book Thief.



I

All my brothers and I withering under one gray sky

The images are still seared into my eyes
I swear if you were to looked hard enough into the dark recesses of my pupils you could see them
The Horrors
The Nightmares

of the first foot on the cold uncaring ground marking the beginning of the battle
of revisiting that ground years later only to dig and dig among the many layers of past
foot prints till I found the ones I left eons ago
of killing my first and losing track after my tenth
of waking up in the morning smelling the sick stench of death on the horizon and knowing by midday it will have become so omnipresent that I will not smell it any longer
of naming my boots and shirts in desperation for companionship
of being injured in a white hot blast of pain and then being sent out into the wilderness once more only to trip
of dreams of Mothers and old loves
of reading the bible looking for answers, finding none and then realizing that I’m Catholic and that this is a Protestant bible
of the taste of the food I ate for the past 257 years
of the taste of no food
of the absences around the campfires
of looking at my pitifully wretched existence from the third person
of the innocents
of the guilty
of thinking of painting the streets of the city red for the glorious irony of it
of not recognizing uniforms or faces or even words, just shades of gray
of waking and finding myself looking at my own flesh and blood buried in a thin white sheet on a hospital bed in the middle of Russia a thousand miles from home… a hollow home now
of waking again three days later and seeing a worm riddled skeleton staring at me with those deep hollow eyes, just staring and pointing an excusing finger …

Turning into
Dust


II

Now everyone is a chalk white skeleton or a brooding specter
I can feel Death boring its gaze into my back
I can sense it in the shadows and in the faces of all I meet
And in the words I read and in the music I hear out of the corner of my ear
And in the mirrors, especially the mirrors
Maybe I should just turn around and grab death by the arm and shout “Take Me! Take me damn it! I have served you long enough. End it already!”
“But what about mother?” my left brain asks
“What about her!” my right brain responds, “You failed her too and now she’s been killed to some degree.”
“But if we went through with it she would be devastated beyond repair.”
“So, Look at her. She’s a husk of the mother we once knew. We have nothing left here. Nothing except the heavenly eye of Himmel Street and the fluorescent trails of a dead man dotting the town.”


III

Mama, remember me as I was before I left and never came back
Remember Robert and see us together in a special place in the heavens
Remember when we kissed your cheeks right before we said our goodbyes and stop right there
Remember the lullabies you sang to us as children and sing yourself to sleep if you can not stop staring at the ceiling
Mama, I want to tell you that I love you and that the blame is mine and mine alone for I was weak and probably still am
Mama, live on even if I gave up
Mama, do not feel guilty as I did, it only leads to clear hallucinations and foggy visions of hope and what might have been
Mama, if you wish bury me in the back of your head

where the sun

never shines

Mama, I would like to apologize because I’m sorry and also because I am really not

Mama, I just
Want to say
I love you
One last time


Mama, Mother,
Don’t
Pray
For
Me
Why was I born with such contemporaries?

- Oscar Wilde




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Wow.....Wow,
Okay the first section of this I was thinking "huh?" but then I got into it and Wow.
It was gripping to say the least. I wanted to know were he was from but it didn't really matter.
the first stanza was a little foggy but about halfway through it cleared right up and that might have just been me.
the last part of the second section and the third section I honestly teared up.
it was just so sad. him giving up on life and his last thoughts of his mother.
I have never read the book thief so I don't know the connection but this piece can stand alone. I liked how you delved into his two minds, the one saying give up and the other saying go on.
A very sad and lovely piece of writing.
"D*** the torpedoes! Four bells! Full speed ahead!"~ Admiral David Farragut




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The first thing I thought when I looked at this was I am not reading this it's to long. Then I read some of the comment and left but came right back and read it. I am very thankful for this because this was an amazing poem. This has been the best thing I have read today. I don't really know how to review it because I like it so much, so all I can say is, "Keep Writing."

-Flower-
My reality comes to a close as I once again realize that you don't love me, and even if I love you with my everything you will never care.





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no no no. Too much. You need to condense and there is absolutely no reason for 18 consecutive lines to all start with the word "of." There is a much better way to arrange that, as it is... it just seems completely lazy.

The second part is too prosey, you need to condense. There are so many unnecessary words. The dialogue between the left and right brain... its a good idea but once executed it doesn't work. You've got to find another way.

The repetition continues in the third part and it just doesn't work for me. Not at all. The ending is overdone and maudlin, and the weird formatting only adds to it. You may have some elements that are powerful and worthwhile, but you drown them in repetition and excess. You need to figure out where the strongest parts are, and take everything away, and put more of what is strong back in.

good luck
my webcomic debuts eventually
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Points 2664
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Wow, depressing. Of course, I like depressing.
Okay, the only problem I have with it is the repetitiveness. Reading of and Mama over and over just makes me annoyed.
Other than that, i loved it. For me, the second stanza was the best, it was the one that almost made me cry.
Keep writing and PM me if you write any more.
When all you have is nothing, there is alot to go around.



i, too, use desk chairs for harm and harm alone
— Omni