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A poem for school I wrote.

I stand, nervous
Palms sweaty, heart increasing casually,
The red pen drawn,
A weapon of destruction,
To destroy my beauty,
To destroy my perfect world
The red ink circles, underlines, and questions
Why?
How?
Who?
I cave inside
I'm dead, I think
The pen continues it's reign,
It's power is overwhelming
I feel nauseous, my legs quiver
Her eyebrow raised,
She looks onward
Waiting for the pen to strike
I have not deserved it,
This is unfair,
I stand watching my sweet child crumble,
This is my life, this is my dream
All being ruined
Ruined simply by ink encased in mere plastic,
It's almost over
The conclusion is close,
I pray for nothing negative, wrong, or backward
She stacks the papers neatly,
Her work is finished
The pen rests, it has earned it,
Muttering a solemn word, she peers into me
"This needs work"

Hello Mackenzie! I see you are a new member, welcome!

Okay, this was awesome!!! It totally made me think of when I'm getting papers corrected. Anyways, the only thing I would change would be the punctuation on the lines. The way you wrote it it seemed like a big long sentence. But otherwise great job!!!

~Forest

Forestqueen808:

Thank you so much! I was really worried about being ripped apart with this being my first poem posted. I agree with what you said, and I will do the revisions.

I think this was really nice. I'm not perfect at judging poetry because i'm terrible at it myself. :p I'm more of a sci-fi writer. But you did good with your choice of words. They all seemed to click together. Also you made a point clear across that there is a story inside the poem, which is good. You alays want a story hidden, or in plain sight, when writing a poem. A least, that's what I learned. :p But good job, I like it! Keep up the work!

Quetseli:

Thank you so much!