Black Sheep

You say I'm perfect and that I've got everything, but you're wrong.....

My mind is gone
My heart is weak
Never heard
Are the words I speak
The pain is constant
The torment real
How I would love
Just to feel
Caring words
Are lost forever
Time can't speak
Not now or ever
I swim too deep
In the tears I weep
What am I
But the little black sheep....

Hi. This was a nice poem. I could totally relate to the feelings expressed. I was just wondering though, what are black sheep?

Here are some things I found.

You say I'm perfect and that I've got everything, but your wrong.....

"Your" should be "You're"

The pain is constants

*constant

I swim to deep

Do you mean "too"?

You should put in punctuation to make the poem less confusing. Maybe like this:

You say I'm perfect and that I've got everything, but you're wrong.....
My mind is gone.
My heart is weak.
Never heard
are the words I speak.
The pain is constant,
the torment real.
How I would love
just to feel.
Caring words
are lost forever.
Time can't speak,
not now or ever.
I swim too deep
in the tears I weep.
What am I?
But the little black sheep....

Hope that helped.

-Crescent

This is good...

Hey! I'm Fixed, and I'm here to fix your poem! *see what I did there? hhahaha *

Your imagery was good, your detailing, too... now let's just work on spelling with you! *haha... I'm no Doctor Seuss but that was funny*

blacknightscry wrote:You say I'm perfect and that I've got everything, but your wrong.....

Your should be you're. Also, when using '...' please keep it to an exact dot, dot, dot, and not any more. It's kind of like glue. Dot, dot, not a lot. Only you have three dots.

blacknightscry wrote:The pain is constants

Shouldn't that be constant?

blacknightscry wrote:I swim to deep

I'm guessing this needs to be too.

blacknightscry wrote:But the little black sheep....

And again, the '...' It's okay, a lot of people do this. But trust me when I say that people will take you a LOT more seriously when you use just three periods and not ............ because that just really ticks people off. Trust me. I know. I've done it.

Hope I help!

Love,
Fixed

cliche and forgettable. I'll give you the same advice I've given many others:

read read read read. You can't write something novel and interesting unless you know what's out there. I also think its really important to observe the world. Carry a journal or tape record yourself reading things out loud, also, something EVERY poet can use is sensory detail. We can't relate to anything unless the words appeal to our five senses, because that's how we experience the world.

Also, William Carlos Williams said "No poetry except in things." He's right. Think about it.

best,

Sorry about the bad Spelling and stuff. I kinda forgot to go back and check, but I've corrected it now. Thank you very much :D
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crescent, black sheep is another name for an outcast, someone who's different, or doesn't fit in. Though there are actual black sheep too. And fixed, I like what you did there with the puns that was fun. ^-^

Perdido, can't currently think of a response but thank you for the advice, I am sure to think about it for a while.

Heya,
I liked the poem, it was refreshing and I agree with crescent about punctuation etc

It was short, but I could totally relate to it. This is a fantastic poem and I'm sure many people have felt that way in their lives too, so well done on connecting with your reader. The rhymes weren't forced, there was a decent flow, and I absolutely adored it. (:

thank you ^-^

The advice I've gotten has really helped a lot!

So thank you very much :D