Kaelynne's Love Story Ch2 Part 1

2 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1909
Reviews 12
Chapter 2

When Chris brings Kaelynne Back to his house she is amazed and totally shocked because his house is not what she would have imagined. Chris’ house is an 1800’s Victorian style home. From the outside it looks like an old 19 century castle. The inside of Chris’ house is a like a picture in a magazine. Walking into a different room is like turning the page. The wall paper was like a beautifully painted tapestry. The whole house was like a beautiful dream in a fairy tale.

Kaelynne almost fainted twice, she forgot to breathe while is taking in the whole house. Chris was smiling and giggling while watching her. She reminded him of a young child in a toy store. Kaelynne kept blink just to make sure all of it was not a dream. Kaelynne couldn't’t believe her eyes that she was actually in a house this beautiful and exhilarating. Kaelynne kept asking Chris if this was really the house he grew up in or if he was just trying to be funny.

“Chris this is where you grew up, seriously? “ Kaelynne Asks.
“Yep, belonged to my great great grandfather. We have been living here all my life with my grandfather. Now the house is mine and my mom’s. This house has been in my family since the 1800’s or maybe before that. I get scared sometimes when I’m alone in this house because it’s just so big.” Chris explains.
“Wow, your house is so stunning it’s making me dizzy. I wish I grew up here. It’s so magnificent more than magnificent. I can’t even come up with a word for it. “Kaelynne explains.
“ I guess, I don’t know maybe I’m used to its dazzling effects. Hey wanna watch a movie . We can go in my room or the theatre room? “Chris asks.
“Your house has a home theater. What doesn’t this have? I would love to see both your room and the theater. Please! “ Kaelynne says while spinning around in circles trying to observe as much as possible.
“Okay, you’re going to make yourself sick if you don’t stop spinning. How about I show you around.”
“I would enjoy that very much. Thank you Chris you make me stupidly happy. You have made me the happiest I have ever been in my life. Your presence brings me great joy and even my parents are noticing my mood change.” Kaelynne tells Chris.
“I'm glad I make you happy because you also do the same to me. Now let’s start the tour. First up is the basement also known as the entertainment room. “

Chris brings Kaelynne downstairs and shows her the theatre. Theater has a 74 “screen and 4 rows of seats each with 5 chairs. The chairs are all leather recliners with a side table that pulls out. Chris then shows Kaelynne the rest of the basement which consist of a pinball machine, foosball table, and pool table. The walls of the basement are covered with different paintings of comic book characters and movie scenes. The basement has a nice florescent green tiles.
Chris then Leads Kaelynne back up stairs to show her the first floor. First he shows her the kitchen. The kitchen has beautiful mahogany cupboards and cabinets. The floors are a type of cherry wood . Then they go into the dining room. The dining room has a spectacular crystal chandelier in the middle of the room. Then to the right of the chandelier is the dining table. The table is made of Belgian wood and has been in the house for a hundred years. On the walls is glass cabinets filled with old china.

Chris has to pull Kaelynne along because she would spend hours observing each and every room. They then proceed to the Living room. The living room is a wide open room with a high ceiling .In the living room they have a huge sectional and two recliners. The living room doesn’t have a television because they have a theater down stairs and televisions in their rooms. Chris then asks Kaelynne if she want to finish the tour another day because the house is so big and is a lot to take in all at once. Kaelynne and Chris then go upstairs and watch a movie before Kaelynne has to go home for the night. Kaelynne and Chris watch the movie Fugitives. When the movie gets over at ten o’clock Chris brings Kaelynne home and walks her to the door.

When Kaelynne gets home she goes up to her room and writes in her diary.
Dear diary
Today was such an amazing day. Chris showed me a part of his life that I didn’t know. Like his mom owns a diner and he has an 1800’s Victorian style house. It was all breath taking especially his room. My time with Christopher Alpine has been the best time of my life. Christopher makes me feel like I’m the only girl who is beautiful. When he is talking to me he always is staring right at my eyes. He never gets distracted by other girls around us and he doesn’t make it obvious that he is staring at my boos or my butts like most guys. Chris is more than just my boyfriend and the guy that I may want to spend the rest of my life with, he is my best friend.

Chris when he gets back from dropping Kaelynne off, he goes up to his room and lies on his queen size bed. Chris lays in bed lost in thought. Then he hears his mother come in the door of his room.

“Hey Chris, How was your night did you and Kaelynne have fun. I didn’t embarrass you at the diner did I? Did you bring Kaelynne her and show her the house. I bet she was overwhelmed and amazed all at once wasn’t she.” Emma asks?
“Hey, my night was amazing, we didn’t have too much fun if that’s what you are insinuating. You didn’t embarrass me and I really think Kaelynne likes you. She was totally amazed and overwhelmed by this whole night and we decided to finish the tour of the house another day. We watched a movie and then I brought her home. She totally loved all your china. “Chris tells his mother. Then they say goodnight .

The following day Kaelynne calls Chris and asks him if he wants to go to the park. So Chris comes over and the go the local park and enjoy the sun. They sit and talk for hours then they go back to Chris’ house and he shows her the rest of his house.
Chris continues the tour by starting off upstairs in his grandfather’s old room. His grandfather’s room they left the same way as he had it before he died. Chris’ Grandfather Christopher Alpine also lived to be 100 years old. Over the years he collected a lot of things he thought was junk but now are collectables. All of his stuff he gave to Chris in his will.

Then Chris shows Kaelynne his mom’s room. The room has a canopy style bed with curtains all around the bed. The walls are a light shade of blue, on the far right side of her room is an old bureau that belonged to her mother. On the wall near her bed she has a crucifix. Chris’ mother has red carpet on the floor of her room. Then she has a walk in closet that is the same size as Kaelynne’s room. His mother as old Victorian style dresses from the renaissance time period.
"Love is only a chapter in a guy's life , For a girl its the whole book <3 "




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 11486
Reviews 25
Not to be mean, but you have some puncuation erreors. Like here:

It’s so magnificent more than magnificent.


You should probably change it to " It’s so magnificent; no, more than magnificent!" so you dont confuse the reader.

Next, the fallowing sentinces need question marks:

I’m used to its dazzling effects. Hey wanna watch a movie .


you don’t stop spinning. How about I show you around.”


And this sentence needs a comma after thank you:

“I would enjoy that very much. Thank you Chris you make me stupidly happy.


And I think this sentence is suppose to be " 74" ":

Theater has a 74 “screen and 4 rows of seats


also, you need to watch you capital letters:

Chris then Leads Kaelynne back up stairs


When Chris brings Kaelynne Back to his house


other than that I loved your story, it really moves me and I love the setting. You have tones of talent, keep on writing!
Be yourself
And no one else
dance to the beat
and loose control
Never forget who you are
Be an unforgettable shining star*



Once you have read a book you care about, some part of it is always with you.
— Louis L'Amour