On the Inside

DreamWriter99 wrote:There is a girl who is always great
Her face always has a smile
Her hair always look gorgeous
She also has the cutest styles

Everyone abselutelyabsolutelyloves her
Because she is so kindthis line is a bit too sudden. It's like a closed sentence. Perhaps change it?
She always knows what to say
Everything she did she always shinedyou've switched tenses from present to past here.

But inside this girl
You'll see she's actually dying
Sometimes she even breaks down
Sometimes she's tired of tryingI like this line!

You may think that she's fine
But that's on the outside
Inside she can't take it
Inside you'll be suprised

Her life was hardHer life is hard would be present, which is the majority of your writing apart from the few switched tenses.
Because nobody knows what she seesYou've switched tenses again! From past to present.
She needs help
But she can't ever find what she needs

She hides it because nobody cared
She puts on a show that she's perfect
But she herself can not believe it
That you believe she has no defect

But someday that will all be gone
She'll find someone that does need her too
Oh,how happy he made her!This is a bit confusing. You said someday she'll find someone, then you said oh how happy the guy makes her...?
All her gray skies had became blue

He understands her like nobody did
He made her truly aliveSwitched tenses again!!!
Now, for the first time,
She can actually live her life.
Inside and outside.

Great ending. You just need to work on keeping all your tenses the same. It's a hard thing to do, I know, but you'll get there


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I really like this one. And it actually seems to work out pretty great when I re-read it. I hope you enjoy it too, ^_^

All her gray skies had become blue