Foolish love

His lips brushed against mine and sent and electrifying shiver down my spine. I groped for his hair and pulled him closer, our bodies were entwined as we kissed and kissed. The kiss became deeper and deeper, and I enjoyed every moment of his soft skin and soft lips. I no longer felt like a weak little ball in the corner of a room. I felt strong and mighty, as if I could knock down a thousand cities and not care less. That was saying a lot, considering I’m the shy girl, the shy girl with black hair and pale skin.
Nothing could part my dark knight and me. I opened my eyes and gasped as I saw his beautiful angelic face pulled down in the same pleasurable expression as mine. His blue eyes stared into mine, his dark black hair brushed to the side in a floppy mop. I embraced the way he sent me back on the bed, his fingers twisted through mine, hands brushing my hair. I pulled away, gasping for air as I fumbled for the buttons on his t-shirt. No one, not even my mum, could stop me now. Love can be dangerous, but when it’s with the right person, it’s perfect.
But then I foolishly began to kiss him again. I knew something was wrong the minute I set my lips on his again. His fingers brushed against my skin, trailing a long line up to my neck. I wanted to pull away and I wanted him to stop. No matter how hard I resisted, his other hand brushed up to my neck. He was stronger than me, he could pin me down. I had thought I was in love, the day I met him under the willow tree in the park. The first minute our eyes met, it was instant love. Now it had all been a lie. He was going to kill me, it would come quick, and it would be done before I knew it.
His lips crushed against mine, harder and harder. Even as I stopped kissing him back, he carried on. My heart was thudding dangerously against my chest, a lump formed in my throat, and my stomach clenched into a tight knot.
My dark knight’s fingers closed around my throat, tightening and tightening. The air escaped my throat, I couldn’t breathe! I felt the way my lungs ached and ached as I tried to breathe. I saw the dark spots cloud over my vision. I was terrified. There was nothing I could do to stop him.
I would die, and this definitely wasn’t quick. He could have ended it quick, he could have broken my neck so I didn’t have to struggle for the air. But he must have wanted me to die a slow death. Cruel. But the world was never nice. It always had to be cruel.
As my heart came to its last few beats, I thought, See you in hell.

Please tell me what you think, it's just a little something i did out of boredom, and i probably won't right anymore. but do tell me, then i might consider writing more.

It's very twilight-ish. I liked how this story rhymed. It was very cool.
-Crescent

Did it rhyme? I didnt notice! Thanks anyway!

This was very good, please write some more.

It was okay. You might have wanted to add the whole scene in their meeting and what in the moment of their meeting spark the flame between them. In the first paragraph I thought he was only attacking not actually going to kill her it wasn't the feeling I got. You should deepen the fear in her body and mind. Like saying. I tried to get air into my lungs when I noticed his angelic blue eyes harden into marbles and my heart skipped a beat. Something was definitely not right. Other than that keep it up.

I like it. I thought it was going to be another romance but there is a twist in events. I think you should write more because you've left me in suspense....why was he killing her? will she fight back? I want to know more!

Ooh, this was definitely really good!

I thought it was going be a bit Twilight-like at the beginning, but I love how there was a twist.

Please write more!

Roe

I loved it!! It was a mysterious and dangerous story from the beginning, but it was almost a little expected that he would kill her. That just what "dark knights" do. You probably should have added some more detail and make the kill more suspenseful and unexpected. But that just my critic. It was a really good story and you should keep that pen or pencil (in in this case computer) in ready mode. You are born to be a writer!
~Cassi

awe thanks guys! I completely forgot about this! i don't know if i'll write anymore, but i might do. :p

Hey there!!
This is really great. I really loved the way you wrote it, it felt like i could imagine this dark knight and the girl an everything..... you should definitely expand on this story. Maybe put in some flashbacks of how they met, maybe a bit more emotional turmoil in the girl's mind ect. but other than that it was great!!!!!

-buddingwriter