Due South

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Heh heh... Brilliant... last part is a little rushed though.

I didn't notice any grammatical errors, but then again, I wasn't looking! I was focusing too much on the story to notice anything else.

Shadow Knight wrote:Heh heh... Brilliant... last part is a little rushed though.

I didn't notice any grammatical errors, but then again, I wasn't looking! I was focusing too much on the story to notice anything else.

I am sure there are grammatical errors, just not that many this time... I hope
I keep looking over it and re-reading it, trying to catch everything I could.

Anyway, more authors notes:

Expect my further submissions to be increasingly longer. Also, the rating should most likely stay at a solid "R" or "PG-13" throughout the whole story.

~Reyu

Questions? Concerns? Harsh Criticisms? Parts you liked? Parts that sucked? The story sucks? I hate you as a writer and a person in general?

Anything?

~Reyu

Reyu wrote:Like an angle with burning wings.

I think you mean 'Angel', instead of 'angle'.

I need to read more before I can come to any exact conclusions.

Erethror wrote:

Reyu wrote:Like an angle with burning wings.

I think you mean 'Angel', instead of 'angle'.

I need to read more before I can come to any exact conclusions.

Make sure you read "Due North"
It is the first in this series

My Life Tree even seems to brighten with her song as its branches and [s]leafs[/s] leaves seem to come alive in the sunset’s glow.

She said drying her tears with the hand she was just brushing my hair with. [Might sound better as 'She said, drying her tears with the hand that had stroked my hair just a moment ago.']

It was a [s]respectable[/s] respectful display, just enough for a man of his stature.

This time it's still snowing but she is lying on the ground, dead.

You have so many tense changes throughout this story. You need to decide to use either past or present and then stick with it throughout. I can't really make changes to the rest until you let me know which tense you want to use because it's all rather muddled at the moment.

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Other than that, the plot is good but I think you spend way too long on the dream/memory.... Yeah, I'll give you more to correct when I know the desired tense.