You are (not) alone

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Points 1195
Reviews 1
Feeling lost, all alone,
I'm letting my tears fall...
My eyes are blurring, I'm fighting for air,
something is taking me far away...
Taking me down, deep inside,
it's making me see my empty life...
It lusts for love, it needs friends,
but no one's there, it's not safe...
I see 'em all, they're leaving me all alone,
running away, as far as they can...
I'm trying to shout, call them back,
but I have no more strength...
And now I'm falling even deeper,
and everything seems lost...
There's just darkness all around me...
Then I see a mirror in front...
Next to it there is a note,
it says: "You are not alone!"




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Reviews 94
Wow, I like the depth that is in the lyrics!
From 1 to 4 on musical qaulity, it's a three!! That's good
It has very strong emotion and the background story to it is interesting, :)
The last two lines were my favorite, that is pretty cool how you ended it. There might be a connection to other people and leaving gaps open between the stanzas lets the reader fill them in with their own story.
For writng lyrics, most people ryhme theirs, not that you have too, but if you were trying too, it did sound a little strange.
I think you were using half-rhymes. Example: note, alone (or) inside, life.
Just make sure that they "sound" mostly the same so next time it won't be like, "tropic" and "stop it".... hmm idk, :}
Anyway, you did a fannnnnnntastic work!
,

~Skyy.
Come sail the stars with me
Through the sky not through the sea
Come sail the stars with me
Take me hand and make believe
Come sail the stars with me
Through the sky not through the sea
Come sail the stars with me
Take me hand and make believe
~JT Lloyd




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Gender Female
Points 1195
Reviews 1
Hey Skyy...
I'm glad you like it...
Well, I wasn't trying to make a rhyme... I usually write stories and lyrics when I'm sad and this was the day I had a fight with my best friend, so I just wanted to write down my feelings...
Anyway, thanks for your review... When I write something else, I would like you to read it, too... And there's also a story I wrote: I will always love you... Feel free to read it... :smt002



We understand how dangerous a mask can be. We all become what we pretend to be.
— Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind