I will always love you

Once upon a time there was a princess. She lived in a beautiful kingdom in the mountains. At the same time, there was a prince. He lived in a kingdom far far away. One day they met at a royal convention. They spent a beautiful week together, but as you know, all good things come to an end… They both went back to their kingdoms, but only one of them continued a normal life. The princess never forgot the prince. She swore to God she would always love him. Years later, she saw him again. He was with his wife and children, and he didn’t even say ‘hi’ to her. The princess was hurt. In her sorrow, she locked herself up in a cottage on the top of the highest mountain in the kingdom.

There she wrote this letter:
“You, the person who is reading this, remember one thing: Never let your heart beat your mind! Because if you do, it’s going to make you do things you don’t want to do…”

The princess then cut her veins and bled out to death. She never realized how much the prince loved her, how much he missed her over the years… On the day she died, the prince went to her kingdom to tell her that. He broke in to the cottage and found her lying on the floor, helpless… He found the letter and read it.

He turned the paper and wrote this:
“My love for you is undeniable. I was afraid to tell you how I feel, and now I will never get a chance to tell you … I have no reason to live anymore…”

Then he kissed her lips. They were as cold as ice. He took out his sword and stabbed it in to his heart. He only had the strength to say five last words:
“I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU!”

Hey there, I'm Amie and I'll be your reviewer today

So lets get on with it...

First off - It's a bit of an information overload in this extract. Nothing has been developed enough for a reader to care much about the characters or the situations they find themselves in.

I think this could make a lovely story once it has depth. It certainly has potential.

With it being such a short piece everything is mainly telling the reader how it is when it should be showing the reader instead.

I hope this helps.

Hey Amie, thank you for letting me know what you think... I'm pretty new at this whole writing thing and this was my first story. I wrote it in about 10 minutes. I was just reading Romeo and Juliet at the time and I wanted to write something similar to that story... And it was also the day I broke up with my boyfriend. That's where the title came from...
Anyway, I'm going to work on it... Maybe there's a creative Martina somewhere deep inside of me...

This reminds me of a Brother's Grim tale. Short, a little gory, and to the point.

I like that line that you had the princess write in the letter. Did you make that up? It's a beautiful saying, regardless.

Well, for your first flash fiction, this was nice. I can definitely see the Romeo and Juliet in it!

Keep writing.

Classy

Greetings,

I liked the story it reminds me of the emotional effects a person can have on your life . beautiful,Great but also it can damage and torment the soul if it does not turn the right way when they want it too.

Please make this a longer story,I would buy this right off the shelves if you publish it.


Iron Rose

Hey, there! You story's short but sweet. You do have the similar idea from the Romeo and Juliet. I thought, while reading, that it was a fairytale story for little children but then it wasn't, until I read the part of the princess taking suicide.lol. and the prince too! ahahah! it's so nice and quite of romantic!!