I loved, Not love

They say sticks and stones can break my bones
But words will never hurt me
But
Person I loved called me a bitch
Person I loved called me Satan
Person I loved said I hate you
I loved,
Not love.
Now, I cry
Unshed tears
Now, I feel
No emotions
I know I am broken
I know I am hated
I know I am space
And time
But not really here.
They look at me
Call me freak
Weird
Strange.
They say I have no secrets
And I am always happy.
But look behind the façade
And see, see
Me.
Behind the fake,
My eyes show sadness
Pain
Fear.
Fear.
Always Fear.
For person I loved tore my heart
And ate it
And swallowed it whole.
They say, they say
Words are meaningless,
Look at actions.
But words can break and burn.
They tear apart
What little I have made
What walls I have to protect
Myself with.
They are all I have left,
Hard walls made of gray stone
Like myself.
Hard and cold.
I whisper, scream, yell,
But no one hears,
And I go through my day
And forget
Or try,
But when it all ends,
I have to come back
And it starts over.
I feel
Only pain
And happiness
But it is brief and
Never here
In this cell.
No, pain and fear.
That’s all I feel.
I hear that voice,
No matter its tone
And I shake
And tense
And fear clouds my mind.
It is involuntary,
A reaction.
My body trying
To protect itself
From the person I loved.
I loved,
Not love.

Omg!!! I'm totally lost for words!!! I seriously have nothing to correct or critisize, beause THIS, just nailed it.
This was great and beautiful, couldn't have said it etter myself.

Hello! How often have you written poetry? Let's see if we can't get you into a different style.

First of all, I'm going to challenge you to write a poetry on this same subject with this same emotion WITHOUT using the words: pain, fear, cry, tears, sadness, or love.

Do you think it's impossible?! It's not! Use metaphors, use other situations to describe and illustrate the same feeling that you want to communicate. For example, you have a few promising moments in here. You talk about a wall. Why not describe that wall? If you want to communicate that you are broken, talk about the wall crumbling in an empty landscape under a gray sky where no birds fly. Doesn't that make you feel lonely? And it doesn't even use the words pain or fear or lonely!

That's what I want you to try doing with poetry. I've done this kind of poetry: specifically about one incident, narrating it with the words that I feel exactly, but I've learned that maybe that's not what poetry is about. Anyone can write down the words that they feel, but if you want to write a poem, try to make it accessible to every reader without being annoying or self-concerned. Be concerned with the emotion or message, conveying that to the reader in ways you think are appropriate. If you want to show loneliness or hurt or betrayal, use words like 'gash' or 'empty', but not in their literal sense. Say the gray sky was gashed with bleak clouds (don't use so many adjectives, if you can help it).

Uhhm, I might just be rambling.

Another point you might pick out of your poem would be how the feelings always come back and how you have to start over every day. You could go a few ways with this. Waves, rolling in over and over. A record on a record player, circling endlessly.

Or, if you don't describe an object, REMOVE this poem from yourself and make it about other people. Make it about the other boy and the other girl (or two girls or two boys), and tell THEIR story, but inject YOUR emotion.

PM me if you have any questions, okay? If you post another poem and try this different technique, PM me so I can take a look! I hope to see you around more!

-Hannah-