A new life a new hope

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This was written last summer maybe?

“How are you then Alana?” Maddy questioned me. She had probably noticed how sad and down I was. But the truth is I couldn’t get the truth out to her. So I told her I was fine and that my family was great to and how my mum had got promoted last week. She then left to get her things together. You see we were all going on a school trip together.



I had been looking forward to this day for ages. It will really be the best day of my life. I’ll get the chance to do everything I want to do for a change. I can be free relaxed and most importantly have fun.



I hate all this pretending on how my life is perfect on having a great dad and mum and fun sisters. My life in fact is nowhere near perfect and at this rate will never be.



I don’t know what it is or what it means to have fun. I can’t really remember how it feels. The last time I had fun was about 2 years ago. I never get time to myself. My times always spent with my sisters or when their busy I have to clean the house. No one thanks me. There’s no one ever there for me. I’m always alone not loved. My sisters don’t know what love is they just know that I will always be there for them.



They are always trying to make things difficult. Telling of me to mum. I wish I had a mum and dad that actually cared. Sisters that didn’t take me for granted, a lovely home which is actually big enough for the four of us, time to me. But most of all I wish I didn’t have to lie about everything. It just makes me feel worse in side. Especially at school, where I’m known as the girl with a perfect life. This is all down to my lies. My life is at its end, it’s no where near perfect.



While I’m at home cleaning and looking after my sisters, my mothers at the pub spending all her money, my money on cigarettes and drinks, I’m the only one with a job round here, a Saturday job newspaper girl and I work at our corner shop. Well dad, I don’t have a dad, he left us last year. We have never heard from him since, we live on the estate, but we are in lots of trouble, mum owes a lot of debt. But some how she expects me to handle them. But I am forced to give all my earnings to her, which she spends on her drinks.



She slaps me when we have no food, for she expects me to magically appear with food and money, and we’ll be ok. I get beatings when bill come through, this isn’t my job, I shouldn’t be doing this, why can’t we be normal. For once in my lifetime why can’t I lead a normal life?
Emily




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this whole thing was one big info dump. i can't say i liked it very much. one mistake i found...
So I told her I was fine and that my family was great totoo
that's all i can really say.




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Points 58538
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Hi. I found this part very boring at first honestly but at the end it became interesting. there are many mistakes and I can tell you only some because I don't have much time.Sorry for that. you write like a child. Please describe more even though there was nothing much to describe here. i found the story hard to digest.Is the mother step? Maybe you will come with this more in future and work on this. Take time to write one piece and until you are not satisfied, don't post it. it is th best advice. I use it myself. PM me when you have more. Don't hesitate to ask any questions. i would e glad if I could help out. :D


So I told her I was fine and that my family was great too and how my mum had got promoted last week.

I can be free, relaxed and most importantly have fun.

My life in fact is nowhere near perfect and at this rate will never be.
Liked this line.

The last time I had fun was about 2 two years ago.

Spoiler
NEVER USE DIGITS IN A LITERATURE WORK!


I never get time to for myself.

My times always spent with my sisters or when their they are busy I have to clean the house.


I’m always alone, not loved.
"Next time you point a finger
I might have to bend it back
Or break it, break it off
Next time you point a finger
I'll point you to the mirror"

— Paramore




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This seems more like a fragment than a story, really: a big lump of exposition with no real content. Introspection is fine when a situation or a state of mind are explored interestingly, but you've mostly just summed up the events/state of things.
Also, be careful with the tenses. I'm not sure if you were going with indirect thought/speech or just mixing present in the middle of the past by mistake at several places. Punctuation might also be worth looking into - there a few places where a comma would be appreciated.
Lumi: they stand no chance against the JAG SAFETY BLANKET




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Gender Female
Points 58538
Reviews 553
I totally agree with Jagged. the tenses were a bit confusing. Just read it again and you will find errors yourself.
"Next time you point a finger
I might have to bend it back
Or break it, break it off
Next time you point a finger
I'll point you to the mirror"

— Paramore



There is no quiet. There is only Doc McStuffins.
— Ron Swanson