Onyx & Pearl

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Complete:

Follow the lights.
See the glitter of a million stars trapped in glass cages, forever reaching for the heavens above. Hear the people walking in endless waves, a ceaseless ocean in the street; laughing, shouting, chattering. Go beyond - deep into the heart of the city - it is quiet here. Not silent, never that. Listen to its solemn beat in the dark.
Suburbia beckons.
She's lying on a windowsill, with an air of languid ease. She is dark, like liquid night, all thick curves with a splash of white at her chest, her tips. The city is spread before her, ripe for the taking. She is content to sit. The house is small and unassuming, like it's caretaker Ms. Bebris, who now approaches.
'Pearl? Come on in, old girl. I've put you a nice little snack before bed.' Bebris squints in the dark, struggling in vain to distinguish where she sits.
She deigns to turn her head, emerald eyes shining. Her tongue flickers out for a moment. She turns away once more, ever disappointed with the present, still lost in the past.
*
Heat slams down, baking the cobblestones. Spices, in their infinite variety, ride the wind and Pearl takes them all in. She dashes through the street, and into the next alley, ignoring the startled squawks and flashing feet. Pyramids tower in the distance.
He is ahead somewhere, teasing her.
Her heart thrums, her soul shivers in delight - here is a hunt! Something, finally, to excite her. He came from seemingly nowhere, a new male prowling the streets - a king, they whispered; a god. One fit for her.
His tail, pure white, always seems an inch away - flicking around a corner, under a vendors stall or up and over shakily stacked crates. The moon watches their game in amusement, coming and going many a time, but never content to leave it entirely. The very world watches and waits, in hushed anticipation. Who will win this daring chase?
It is not even a question. Confidence purrs through her fur, a wicked joy and more, a sense of entitlement. She will end this when she so desires and look! He is close at hand; the alleyway is a dead end.
She smiles.
And pounces.
*
Darkness fades into twilight; the stars wink out, one by one lost before the brilliance of the sun. Even she is still affected by the magnificence of dawn, the rupturing, eternal birth of Light - see it bleed. Know its pain.
She certainly does.
She rises with it, shuddering yawns coursing through her. A light leap and padding footsteps lead her to the pink bowl with quaintly outlined lettering; it brands her, but does not own her. She nibbles at the food, a touch here, a touch there.
Doddering old Bebris is also stirring, in the other room. Bebris doesn't believe in late starts or wasting time. She doesn't particularly care.
It is time to go.
She saunters out into the day, never seeming to hurry but covering ground quickly nonetheless. Bebris won't mind. Bebris never does - of all the caretakers to come and go, this one is the most manageable. It is pleasing.
*
Pearl lands hard on the cobblestones, white flesh tantalisingly close - but he is up, limbs flashing, scrabbling in extraordinary athleticism. She is stunned, left to watch in awe as he makes it to the top and pauses.
His chest is heaving, but his voice is calm. 'I win.'
She sits, tail lovingly wrapped close. 'This time? Maybe.'
His eyes flash, stance cocky. 'Won't you give up? I can't be beat.'
'You should talk less. You are losing your air of mystery.'
He smiles, not at all affected by her contrived disdain. He lays down, paw dangling carelessly and studies her in silence. She bares his stare with an assured grace he can't help but find alluring. Her pink tongue flicks out, lapping at her dark fur.
'What is your name?'
She stops, green eyes locking with his gold. 'Pearl.'
He shivers. It fits, so perfectly, so fine - her name rolls over him and he is lost in that moment. 'Don't you--' he halts.
She is already streaming away, fast as she can. He shouts but his words are lost in the hustle of the crowds and just like that, the chase is on once more.
*
The alley is narrow and dirty.
She makes her way down the lane. Her coat is fine and glossy; it shines in the dim light. It is easy to ignore the curious stares from the strays, the human refuse. Her feline grace is incongruous in this place; it jars.
She pauses at the mouth of the street.
Buildings rise up and stab the sky in their hundreds, their thousands, all a-gleaming in the sun; a thousand superfluous reflections. She sniffs. Warm light bathes her dark pelt, sinks deep within and is lost. The rest of the alley is locked in shadow. It is a good moment.
‘Some view, huh?’
As with all good things, it didn’t last.
She turns to regard the man that has spoken. A moment is all she needs to dismiss him once more and she looks away from those too-wide eyes, that craggy face.
'Come on, don't be like that.'
Silence. Her pose is no longer so liquid, so relaxed.
He shifts, causing a small cascade of rubbish to rain down upon the ground. A hand reaches out.
Her ear twitches. 'I did not give you permission to approach, nor to speak with me.'
The hand retreats. His scratchy voice rushes to fill its place.
'She speaks,' he whispers. 'And won't you listen to that golden tongue? Heh. Where are you from, old gal?'
Her eyes smoulder. A hiss builds in her throat.
'Alright, alright! I didn't mean nothing by it. Just that tone, you see, that fashion of speaking -- it's old, you know? Archaic even.'
Cars, trucks, and busses flit in a blur. Humans walk by, dressed in various outlandish clothing. She tries to shut out his voice - he presupposes a familiarity that isn't there, as the elderly are wont to. His eyes burn, hot weights on her back. He is anchoring her in the now and that won't do.
It is all about the hunt, the chase she cannot forget, she will not let go.
*
Their dance is eternal.
Hunter and hunted, interchangeable as night and day. She flees through the streets, the slap of sandals on stone rolling applause to her ears. She parts the crowds with ease, never looking back but knowing he is there.
It is horribly comforting and she is not sure how to feel about that.
For now, there is only the frantic running, sensations blurring; burning sunlight; hot breath pouring down her throat; stuttering heartbeats; words, shouted, laughed, the duel of wits and later, cooling down in silken shade beneath the cover of stars. The world – it is theirs.
Little by little, things change.
The feet are no longer quite so quick to move out of the way, the sounds are shorter, harsh. Footsteps are fewer; the ocean retreats. Fewer smells. Immersed as they are in their pursuit, it takes a while to notice. When food isn’t so readily available and the world seems to shrink and darken, she takes note and so does he.
No longer does she have the energy to streak across the cityscape, to sneak through the temples. Everything is changing. She sits on the steps, watches the burnished city with its fields of gold. The fields are dotted with dark spots. Dead and dying.
‘Everything is changing,’ he says.
She is not surprised by his presence. He is her shadow. And she, his. ‘Yes,’ she whispers.
He is close, head hovering near her shoulder. ‘You’ve heard what they’re doing.’ It is not a question.
‘Yes,’ she says. Her eyes are closed, breath bated.
His head rests in the curve of her neck and she brushes it with her own.
‘I have to go,’ he says, his strong voice trembling.
‘There is nothing you can do. They will do as they will.’
‘But these are our people! Released on to the battlefield like sheep to the slaughter. We cannot stand by.’
He waits, impatience bridling through him. He cannot sit still anymore, begins to pace around her. Waiting for her word. He will go one way or another, she knows.
‘You have my name,’ she says at last.
He stops, struck by that.
‘I don’t need –‘
‘Onyx,’ he interrupts. ‘My name is Onyx.’
She breathes in deep, lets it shift through her and take root.
It is enough. With that, he is gone.
*
She has searched the world over.
In the alleys of every major city, in the jungles and the wilds -- a search in vain, futile to the end. None were so fraught as the day she left the city for the first time, venturing out on to the battlefield. She shies away from that memory, from the stench of death.
She cannot forget.
This time, she does not return to Bebris’ small and unassuming home. Was this it? Has she finally had enough? Her feet trot along quickly enough, but she is blind to everything around her. Eventually, she finds herself back in a familiar alley – it seems she is doomed to forever walk in circles. It is not the same, however. Something integral has changed. Moonlight bathes it silver. She treads lightly across the moonbeam.
He is there, the human with the demented smile; the eyes that have seen too much, the tongue that speaks when it should not.
‘Have you tired of it yet?’ he demands.
Gone is the cavalier tone, the disguise. Authority burns in his gaze.
Her back arches and she spits in defiance, meeting his stare head on. Her legs tremble, she blinks furiously – his eyes do not waver. Finally, she slumps forward, all but collapsing into a pile at his feet. He looks down on this broken queen, not without compassion.
‘I still search.’ The words, pitiful, crawl out amidst the trash.
‘You cannot.’
She winced, mouth opening in a mew of pain. Has she fallen so low, so quickly? It couldn’t be - no, this one had never been what he seemed. Touched, or perhaps one of the gods themselves, she trembled at his voice, which softened:
‘Have you gone to the ends of the Earth?’
‘Yes.’
‘Have you searched the forests, the plains, the oceans?’
‘Yes.’
‘The swamps, the deserts, the streets and sewers; the filth of man. Have you looked for him there?’
‘Yes, yes, yes.’
A pause.
‘Did you never think that he didn’t want to be found?’
‘Yes! Gods, yes.’ Despair rages, failure accosts, guilt smothers.
She remembers that day, heart thrashing in her chest, as the foreigners came into the city. They came in waves, victorious. She cared not for them, for the foreign smells, for the reek of shame that filled the streets – she cared only for him, he who had her name, the light to her dark. He didn’t return; she’d known from the beginning, of course, had sensed their parting to be one of finality.
Among all the dead brethren she found on the fields outside the city, none were white, none were him. They had tried to stop the chariots, tried to turn back once the enemy released her kind on to the field – they had surrendered, but not soon enough.
Sobs wrack her. His hand cups her head and it is big and warm and comfortable. She noses it, sniffling. ‘Come now, Daughter, you knew the futility of going out that day. You among all your kind know Man best.’ His voice is soft and melodic as he brushes her fur in long, rhythmic motions.
He lifts her gaze to his. ‘Did you think us blind? Do you think the gods to be so capricious and cruel that we would let you wander, alone, for centuries?’ he reproaches.
The bleak answer lies in her silence.
‘Sweet Daughter, he has always been with you. All this time and you never thought to look in moonlight, never thought to look to Mother Moon, who watched you so constantly. Look, girl, look.’
She looks, and he is there, head brushing hers. Her heart sings with joy, he is here finally. Pearl is complete once more, Onyx too – his body shimmers in the moonbeams, his eyes brimming. Had he shadowed her through the ages, silent, a tortured witness? She drank him in, not caring for the answer. Happy to bask beneath the moon’s watchful eye, in this moment that salved the burning wound inside.
Sometime later – a moment, an age – the alley is empty and Pearl is racing through the streets, ecstasy bursting in her chest. She spares a brief thought for kind old Bebris who had cared for her and a million other cats she branded ‘Pearl’ – but it is a brief thought only.
The chase is on once more.
Mah name is jiggleh. And I like to jiggle.

"Indecision and terror, thy name is novel." - Chiko




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Hello, Jiggity! This is solidly written as a whole, so I'm going to focus a bit on the technicalities of the piece.

it is quiet here.


This seems to contradict the entire first paragraph. I kind of understand what you're going for, I think: a throbbing, muted sort of sound, not noisy, but sound nonetheless. Maybe? Either way, I'd rephrase this tidbit here.

She will end this when she so desires and look!


The "and look!" seems sudden and jarring here, like you just tacked it on at the end. Also, just because of the structure of the sentence, it comes across as if the "she" will "look", but I think you're directing this comment towards the readers.

I'd suggest you separate this with either punctuation or a whole new sentence, since the focus shifts. It's a minor thing, but it makes your narration flow more smoothly.

She sits, tail lovingly wrapped close. 'This time? Maybe.'



His eyes flash, stance cocky. 'Won't you give up? I can't be beat.'



She sniffs, disappointed. 'You should talk less. You are losing your air of mystery.'


This little conversation gets a tad repetitive, structure-wise. Each time, you have a short sentence before the dialogue that goes: "_______,________". She sits, tail lovingly wrapped close. His eyes flash, stance cocky. She sniffs, disappointed. See? You might want to throw in a conjunction or a period there somewhere.

:arrow: Overall

I'll start out with the pros. ;) The best part about this is how subtly you weave in the fact that they're cats (unless I'm horribly wrong, which I don't think I am). You never go out and say it, but just by your verb choice and descriptions the readers can imagine them as characters, just the same.

What I don't entirely get is the whole alternating-focus thing. Every other segment you have Pearl and Onyx's chase resuming, and in between that you have another little plot-line going, with Bebris and some other hunt, or mission. In particular, the old man she meets is a bit confusing; can he actually hear her speak? I had thought, up to that point, that Pearl and Onyx's exchanges weren't literally spoken conversations. You might want to explain that a bit further. Right now, your world seems like it could easily fit into ours, but there were flashes in the story that feel more like fantasy.

Another thing is the missing transition, when everything begins to change. Why, and how? It feels incomplete. In a way, it sounds as if the change is that the characters are growing older and less active, but because of the conversation at the end I don't think that's right. You can let up on the cryptic descriptions a little bit to actually explain what's happening. ^^

Best of luck, Jigs. This is good; I just feel like you might want to explore the actual substance and plot behind this a bit more, and focus less on the distant, mystical style.

PM me for anything! I'll gladly review Part Two, when it's up.

~Evi
"Let's eat, Grandma!" as opposed to "Let's eat Grandma!": punctuation saves lives.




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Hello Jigs! I do not believe I have reviewed your work before. Time to change that.

Only one nitpick stood out to me:

Hear the people walking in endless waves, a ceaseless ocean in the street


"Endless waves" and "ceaseless ocean" sound like two ways of saying exactly the same thing in close quarters. I believe you could nix "a ceaseless ocean" very easily and not lose anything in this sentence. "Ceaseless ocean" I find mildly cliched, anyways.

Overall-

This read as a bit of fantasy mixed with a romantic feel. Come the end, when Pearl was in the alley, it felt a bit like the musical Cats; one character, Grizabella, is past her prime but considered a "glamour cat." I enjoyed that little twist. Kinda hoped you'd get into it more.

The shift after where everything's changed felt a bit like what I know of the second Warriors series. Clans of wild cats have their land taken over, and they need somebody to find a new home for them. This isn't entirely a bad thing— your style is very different from Erin Hunter's and the twist adds some interest. But, like Evi, I found the shift very sudden and not well explained. It was like segment one was her remembering, the rest of the story a build-up, and the sudden change a continuation of the first segment. Or something. It doesn't feel complete.

I enjoyed how about a third of the way through I realized, "This is from the viewpoint of a cat." You have addressed one of my biggest pet peeves in animal-viewpoint stories, and that is making readers realize this is an animal without being explicit about it. Your language also emphasizes that. I can just imagine a regal cat like Pearl narrating her actions like you have.

Your viewpoint shifts in-scene were handled stunningly well. I applaud you on them.

I'm rather glad this is part one of two. The ending felt incomplete; I had almost forgotten there was a second part to this. I think that's another reason the sudden change to Pearl being panicked didn't fit well. The story had seemed rather self-contained up to that point and a sudden continuation felt rushed. They almost feel like different stories.

Other than the transition qualm about an old life and new, this was solid. I enjoyed how the prose carried me along and left me feeling more like how a cat would feel: above the world and observing it all with a classy and romantic air.

PM me with questions.

~Rosey
A writer is a world trapped in a person— Victor Hugo

Ink is blood. Paper is bandages. The wounded press books to their heart to know they're not alone.




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Yay comments!

Good points, yes, and thank you for them. This is indeed about a cat, well two, but it's more about Pear to be honest. It alternates between the present and the past - the present being New York (in my mind, anyway) and the past being Ancient Egypt. I'm never too bothered about details but hopefully by the end, you'll get that anyway haha. Epic cat romance? Yes. :D

I'll try and clarify some things in this bit too. Thanks again, guys. :)
Mah name is jiggleh. And I like to jiggle.

"Indecision and terror, thy name is novel." - Chiko




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Jiggleh!

I really loved reading this. And I loved the style!

I love the fact about them being cats and how you brought it into the story. Pearl somehow reminds me of Kasha (from Pendragon series, read it?)
Though, I did find it a bit confusing. I guess, add a wee bit more of detail. Please?

~Lava
~
Pretending in words was too tentative, too vulnerable, too embarrassing to let anyone know.
- Ian McEwan in Atonement

sachi: influencing others since GOD KNOWS WHEN.





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I haven't seen Cats or read of the Warriors series previously mentioned, or this Pendragon series either. Lol. The only cat related production I'm familiar with, that I can think of right now is Cats & Dogs - oh, and Puss'n'Boots! Though that isn't out yet...

Glad you enjoyed it though! Thanks :)
Mah name is jiggleh. And I like to jiggle.

"Indecision and terror, thy name is novel." - Chiko




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It alternates between the present and the past - the present being New York (in my mind, anyway) and the past being Ancient Egypt.


Might I suggest using different tenses for each section then? Present tense for NY and past for Ancient Egypt. One of my confusion points was how each section seemed to be so different while they were all tied together by the same tense/general format. There were very few hints for each change, outside, at least. The most I can think of is the spices for Egypt and the owner/alley for NY. The spices could easily transfer over to a market in NY, for me anyways. And I did make the mistake of associating everything in Egypt to something in NY.

~Rosey
A writer is a world trapped in a person— Victor Hugo

Ink is blood. Paper is bandages. The wounded press books to their heart to know they're not alone.




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Hey there, Jiggity!
Let's get right to it.
The moon watches their game in amusement, coming and going many a time, but never content to leave it entirely.

It took me a minute to get this. Are you talking about the moon going in and out behind the clouds? You might want to add a bit to this sentence.
Hear the people walking in endless waves, a ceaseless ocean in the street; laughing, shouting, chattering.

The very world watches and waits, in hushed anticipation.

A contradiction. Easily fixed :)
Darkness fades into twilight; the stars wink out, one by one lost before the brilliance of the sun.

I. Love. This. Sentence. There is, however, a misplaced comma. Move it from after "out" to after "one by one".
A light leap and padding footsteps lead her to the pink bowl with quaintly outlined lettering

Using "padding footsteps lead her" makes it sound like somebody else's footsteps are showing her the way, it's a little awkward.
He smiles, not at all affected by her contrived disdain

I also really, really like this.
'Don't you--' he halts.

I would make "Don't you" and "he halts" separate sentences. It makes it sound more halting, if that makes sense.
They are as nothing to her.

Maybe take out as?
Buildings rise up and stab the sky in their hundreds, their thousands, all a-gleaming in the sun; a thousand superfluous reflections

I think I understand what you're trying to say, but I disagree with using the word "superfluous" here, it doesn't make sense.
She tries to shut out his voice - he presupposes a familiarity that isn't there, as the elderly are want to.

It's "wont".
Pearl flees through the streets, the slap of sandals on stone rolling applause to her ears.

You might want to specify whose sandals are slapping on the stone, I got a little confused here.
He is her shadow. And she, his

These two are parts of the whole. I would consider making them the same sentence.

All in all: I really liked this. It was fluid, your sentences varied, and it was a real pleasure to read. Anything that I may have pointed out in this review was only a nitpick. I also have to say that there were bits and snippets of imagery in here that were pure gold. Amazing. :D
On another note, the format of this story bothered me a little bit. When there's no dialogue, your paragraphs are separated almost to the point that there is only a single sentence in each. This wouldn't ordinarily be a problem, except that it takes away the gravity of phrases that deserve the eye-catchingness of things like:
Little by little, things change.

And also: no spelling errors that I noticed. Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!
-JK
The doorway has been opened.
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Hey Rosey,

In the very first transition, I mention pyramids. If that isn't a big enough indication of location difference, I don't know what is. Later, I mention temple steps, a city surrounded in "gold fields" as opposed to the "buildings that stab the sky" and the "cars, buses and trucks" -- the clues are all there. :P

There is a more subtle indication throughout it but I don't want to have to reveal everything. Thanks for commenting.

KJ,

JK wrote:
Hear the people walking in endless waves, a ceaseless ocean in the street; laughing, shouting, chattering.

The very world watches and waits, in hushed anticipation.

A contradiction. Easily fixed :)


These quotes are from different sections, at different times (both in history and day) and mean different things. The second is more metaphorical than anything else. It is in no way a contradiction.

Thanks for commenting :)
Mah name is jiggleh. And I like to jiggle.

"Indecision and terror, thy name is novel." - Chiko




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Hey dudes and dudettes, this is finished! I kind of blurted it all out toward the end, I need to edit it something fierce, ha, just thought I'd let y'all know.

I had a short, sharp ending - ambiguous as usual, but I decided to fully flesh it out for once and go the distance so I'm interested in thoughts about that too. Cheers :)
Mah name is jiggleh. And I like to jiggle.

"Indecision and terror, thy name is novel." - Chiko




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Hey Jigs! Here, again, to comment on the rest, and on the story as a whole.

Honestly, this is not my thing. It's written well; that can't be denied. But, like you so aptly stated, it is an epic cat romance, and that's just not my cup of tea. I'm just telling you up front so you can take this review subjectively.

‘Have you tired of it yet?’ he demands.

Gone is the cavalier tone, the disguise. Authority burns in his gaze.

Her back arches and she spits in defiance, meeting his stare head on. Her legs tremble, she blinks furiously – his eyes do not waver. Finally, she slumps forward, all but collapsing into a pile at his feet. He looks down on this broken queen, not without compassion.

‘I still search.’ The words, pitiful, crawl out amidst the trash.

‘You cannot.’


Their previous conversation didn't include any mention of Pearl's search, so the fact that this guy suddenly mentions "it" made me double-take. I know that there's some magical, immortal-cat and cat-god vibe going on, and that this is no regular human, but find something to connect the two conversations. No matter how omniscient he is, the readers need something concrete to follow.

That's the main reason I'm struggling with this. Amidst your flowing imagery, distant narration, and profound prose, your actual meaning is getting lost. You know how I said that earlier I loved how subtle you are with the fact that they're cats? Well, you're being subtle with everything else, as well, and these innuendos aren't enough to keep your plot afloat. I think you need to go back through this and actually go out and explain what the heck the story is about. Because I don't really know.

The battlefield? Is that a metaphor for cats having to survive in the cutthroat city streets? If so, stop being so clever about it, and mention that. ;) You're a good enough writer to weave actual substance into your ethereal style, and that's what this needs: substance. Explanations. Concrete, linear events, so that readers can put two and two together. I'm not saying scratch your ambiguity. Just, elaborate.

^_^ Again, this theme and plot isn't what I'd generally choose to read, but that's personal preference on my part and has little to do with you. I hope this helps some.

~Evi
"Let's eat, Grandma!" as opposed to "Let's eat Grandma!": punctuation saves lives.




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...And here I was thinking that I for once took the unambiguous route. There was a much more open-ended finish to the story before but I changed it. I'm not quite sure how to approach this, I get what you're saying but, I'm not sure why it's not coming through - I've shown this to one or two of my friends and they haven't had a problem with the plot.

Essentially, I based this off actual events - there was a mention of an ancient egyptian siege which the Egyptians voluntarily surrendered to, after the enemy threatened to release hundreds of captured cats (holy animals in Egypt) on to the battlefield. So the romance is set there, with Onyx unable to sit by and do nothing. He pretty much dies out there/is lost/transformed -- Pearl spends the next few centuries searching for him, she couldn't find his body so she clings to the hope he's alive out there somewhere, something intangible tells her that he is -- that would be because he has, in effect, been shadowing her forever. So the story flits between the origins of their courtship and modern day New York where she is tiring of her search.

I see what you're saying about the conversation, maybe, I didn't think it would be an issue because from the outset, I presented this human as someone different, someone who could talk to cats. I also really liked the idea of the chase - so many animals, cats and dogs, have this obsession with the chase; be it their own shadow, their tails, or whatever. This was my play on that. Mind you, this isn't my cup of tea either! Haha. I'm not sure what I'll do with it from here to be honest. Glad I finished it though and thanks for taking the time to comment.

I appreciate it. :)
Mah name is jiggleh. And I like to jiggle.

"Indecision and terror, thy name is novel." - Chiko




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Do not be discouraged! My inability to follow the plotline could very well be my fault, and not yours.

Essentially, I based this off actual events - there was a mention of an ancient egyptian siege which the Egyptians voluntarily surrendered to, after the enemy threatened to release hundreds of captured cats (holy animals in Egypt) on to the battlefield.


This is what I didn't get. It makes more sense now, in context, but the problem for me was that I didn't gather the above event from the story. And the story needs to make sense on its own, and speak for itself, without needing the author to explain it. If you added just a little more explanation and clarification on this siege, it would balance out the background information (what's actually happening) with the action and the search.

I presented this human as someone different, someone who could talk to cats.


Another thing that didn't quite come through for me. I was never really sure whether the speaking-cat thing was a regular occurence in this world, or if these were special cats, and special people. Again, this is something that could be fixed with just two or three added sentences, perhaps some introspection from Pearl about how rare it is to find someone who could understand her, etc. Because she doesn't seem surprised that this human can talk to her. If he really is different, you have to establish that.

^_^ I hope this is all making sense. If there's anything else you need cleared up, just ask, although by no means am I trying to argue with you over your writing. :P
"Let's eat, Grandma!" as opposed to "Let's eat Grandma!": punctuation saves lives.




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Haha, no, no, it's all good. Discussion is important. The only thing that's stopping me is that I've essentially had four people comment on this (on YWS and off) and two had no problem whatsoever with picking up the story and two did. The two that did would be you and Rosey - I will of course keep everything in mind when editing.

But I think I need one or more people to get some kind of consensus. In any case, thanks very much. :)
Mah name is jiggleh. And I like to jiggle.

"Indecision and terror, thy name is novel." - Chiko



A classic is a book which people praise and don't read.
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