A Wish

4 posts
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Gender Female
Points 10456
Reviews 95
My writing, so vague, it catches the eye
a small but clearly written lie-
its heart cold and barren white,
the master of false alibi.

A cactus sitting in the dirt
tear stains on my yellow shirt-
or so, I wish, for by and by,
I've found I posses an inability to cry.

It's sad, I know, but tears don't come
even just a shroud, stout one,
beckoned by my heart's desire
obviously not ranked higher.

An advantage, almost, to stand tall
without a single wavering and small
doubt, but I still have them;
inside I'm screaming and grim.

My tears are invisible, dry on my cheeks,
traveling down air streams, no streaks;
just a remembrance and puffy eyes,
no tears shroud this sullen disguise.

Stone-cold, I stare ahead,
my eyes clench tightly, vision turning red
a difference, between you and I?
I posses an inability to cry.

But still, I sit, and glare at a wall
waiting silently for it all to fall
and I think of how I fell for you;
a single tear ran

down my cheek
off my chin
through the air
on my shoe,

and a smirk developed on my face,
apparently, I can't erase
emotions that have dug deep
are there for my broken heart to keep.

I posses an inability to cry-
on demand.
The hardest mountain to climb will have the greatest view. Everything at a different angle: memories serve as double vision, a view from the valleys as well as the precipice. But everything that goes up must come down.The descent from the peak will be twice as graceful & three times as difficult




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Gender Male
Points 1770
Reviews 10
Good work. i have nothing say more about your piece of writing but it touched my hearts deeply. it's showing how your heart broke into pieces. you cant cry cant laugh is awesome.

Thank you
Suraj
My lust for knowledge can do whatever it wants.

Love is life and life is writing.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 8230
Reviews 102
I like the subject of this poem. An innability to cry.... In the beginning, I like the flow and the rhymes. In the 4th paragraph last sentence, It sounded a bit out of place. But PLEASE don't take my comments too seriously. I LOVE your work, corrected or not!
"You may not be educated well in the areas of etiquette and the like as a princess, but you do throw some bashing good parties!"
Not all princesses are pink sparkles.
Exhibit A




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Gender Female
Points 4200
Reviews 34
Oh.My.God. I seriously love this poem. Instead of just skimming the surface like many people do, you really got down the the deep emotions and comparisons. I must say, this poem really speaks to me. Especially near the end-
"But still, I sit, and glare at a wall waiting silently for it all to fall and I think of how I fell for you;a single tear ran down my cheek off my chin through the air on my shoe,and a smirk developed on my face,apparently, I can't erase emotions that have dug deep are there for my broken heart to keep.I posses an inability to cry-on demand"
Keep it up!
Vouslez vous de beurre? =}D



The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.
— Marcel Proust