Valentine
Here's chapter number two. Thank you to everybody who reviewed number one. You don't really need the rest to enjoy this, but I recommend checking out chapter one if you care about the story (which you should) Once again, even if you don't want to give a long review, I'd love it if you just told me one or two things that you like and things that need work. Thanks people.
~Shades of Violet~
[2] [Violet] [Saturday]
There were three main reasons why people ended up at Saint Peter’s. One: they were kicked out of so many schools that it was the only one that would accept them. Two: their parents believed the brochure and thought it would be a great environment for their unwanted child. Three: It was either that, or juvenile detention. For me, it was the second option. Unfortunately, I was the minority.
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My eyes snapped open and my head bounced off the low ceiling above me. I rubbed my head and held in a scream of annoyance. After the sting subsided, I flipped my legs over the bedside, and dropped with a thud to the carpet.
Derek was sleeping like a baby; his saliva gathering at the corners of his open mouth. I laughed inwardly to myself, and with a yawn, entered the bathroom. The door screamed in protest and flapped noisily behind me. Slowly, I groped for the light switch in the complete darkness. Finally I found it, and the lights gradually blinked on.
My bare feet were cold on the tile floor as I walked over to the mirror and sink. The icy water felt refreshing on my skin, almost washing away last night’s events. I grabbed a towel off the hook by the mirror, and wiped my face. My hair was long and dark, faintly curling up at the ends. I wondered if I should cut it. It was edging on overgrown. My brown eyes twinkled back at me in the mirror, making me smile to myself, and throw the towel into the laundry basket. I gave myself a nod in the mirror and exited the bathroom.
Derek was sitting sleepily on his bed. His eyes were half closed and his electric blond hair was wild. He was looking down at his cell phone, wiping the grogginess from his eyes.
I walked over to him and sat down on the bed. His head turned, revealing a broad, brace covered, smile.
“My mom says that Emily’s fine,” he said, and motioned to his phone. “Apparently she just had an allergic reaction to the medicine.” I smiled back at him and ruffled his hair. Derek was thirteen years old, three years younger than me. Although he was my friend, I treated him like my little brother.
“Sweet,” I replied, and let out a laugh of relief. I stood up and started to get dressed as Derek sent out a mass text containing the good news. I hadn’t changed out of my school uniform last night so I grabbed my extra set. “Hey, get dressed. I’m not eating alone.” Derek shoved his phone under his pillow and pulled his nightshirt off. I heard him let out a gasp.
“What’s wrong?” I asked as I began tying my shoes. After I didn’t get an answer, I looked up. Derek was standing, bare-chested by his bed. I saw what was wrong. There was a mark on his chest. I walked over to him to get a better look.
The marking looked like a tattoo; a symbol of some sorts. It was a vortex of red lines, swirling and intersecting together in a circle. My hand felt his warm skin and brushed over the marking. It was completely smooth with his skin.
“What is that?” I asked, backing up a step.
“I have no idea,” Derek replied, tearing his eyes away from it. “I don’t remember it ever being there.”
“Probably just a reaction to the medicine,” I said and returned to my shoes. “Get dressed.” I finished tying my shoes and grabbed my jacket. January in Colorado was not the warmest place.
By the time Derek was finished getting dressed, I’d already gotten to level sixteen on Pac-Man. I gave him a grin as he held out his hand for the phone. I gave it to him and we left the dormitory.
The white washed hallways of the school were empty. Our footsteps echoed ominously throughout them. Derek was messaging on his phone the whole way there, and remained silent until we both sat down with trays full of pancakes and bacon.
“Em says hi,” he said, finally putting his phone in his pocket. “She says that she’ll be back in school tomorrow.” He dug into his pancakes, the scent of sugary syrup wafting into his nose.
“Great,” I replied, absent mindedly. The cafeteria was emptier than usual. The circular tables that speckled the room were completely empty, except for ours and three others. I wondered how many kids were in the hospital, and then began to eat.
The one good thing about boarding schools, especially this one, was the food. It was simply amazing. Without it, I probably would have left in a flash: that, and the fact that my parents lived almost a thousand miles away. “Your parents flew out to see her?” I asked, toying with my hash brown. Derek looked up, his mouth slanted in a thin smile.
“Well yeah. They got pretty angry at the medical staff at General Hope too. Emily said it was really embarrassing,” Derek answered with a laugh. I didn’t hear him; my mind was wandering to last night. It was still vivid in my mind: the girl and her eyes that seemed to stare into my soul. I shook myself into the present to see Derek staring amused at me.
“What?” I asked.
“You were talking to yourself,” he answered, and stood up to throw away his tray. I looked down at my food, which seemed less appealing than before, and jogged after him. We reached the trash can at the same time and our trays clattered noisily together. I shoved my hands into my pockets and we began to leave.
“So, what do you want do?” I asked, this time listening for an answer.
“I dunno,” he answered while slipping a piece of gum into his mouth.
“Hey- give me one,” I said, and held out my hand.
“Last piece,” he said, pointing to his mouth.
“Bull.”
“No, it is.” Derek pulled out his pockets, revealing and empty pack. He handed it to me with a broad smile. I held the pack in my hand and stared longingly at it. I could just imagine the gum now: a refreshing mint taste and something to get my mind of last night. Well, it was only a piece of gum. I was about to throw it away when I looked in and tilted my head, confused. The packet was full. All sixteen pieces of gum were sitting snuggly inside.
“I thought you said it was empty?” I asked, showing him the gum. He looked at me, his eyes slanted in confusion.
“How’d you do that?” He asked. “It was definitely empty.”
“Guess not,” I said, and began to take out a piece. I dropped the packet in horror. Derek picked it up and looked at me funny.
“What’s wrong?” Derek asked. I motioned to the packet. He opened the flap and his eyes widened. It was completely empty now. “What the heck,” he murmured, and put it back in his pocket. “That’s so weird.”
“Yeah,” I added quietly.
We decided to go to the library. Neither of us really liked reading, but on frigid days like today, it was a perfect place to hang out. I tried to forget about the gum thing. If I thought about something too much it made me go insane. So, I sat down in a comfortable chair in the library and let out a sigh. Derek was browsing the endless shelves of books, still believing that one could actually enjoy himself reading.
The library was probably the biggest room in the school. The ceiling stretched far above my head almost like a cathedral. The air was musty with the smell of books, and the faint smell of scented candles. I was sitting in a group of chairs in the corner of the library, away from the interrogating librarians. It was completely silent and after an hour or so of sitting, my eyes were drooping. A noise tickled my ear. Somebody was walking behind the shelf in front of me. It was probably Derek making his way back with a book. I let out a yawn and stood up. My legs were stiff as I walked over to the shelf and peered behind it.
The noise wasn’t Derek. I couldn’t tell who it was. The figure was sitting in the shadows by the shelf gazing at a book. All I could see were two eyes, blue as sapphires.
I took in a deep breathe, recognizing those eyes. The girl’s attention lifted up to me, and she dropped her book in surprise. Instantly, she stood to her feet, her fists clenched. She stood there looking at me with no emotion on her face. Then she turned and began to walk away.
“Wait!” I called. I ran after her and grabbed her arm to stop her.
An icy chill ran up my nerves. It was the coldest thing I’d ever felt. My mind began shutting down and I tried to let go of her. My hand seemed to be frozen onto her skin. I tried to scream but my jaw wouldn’t move.
She looked at me with fear twitching on her lips. Then she pulled her arm away and I fell gasping to the ground.
“I told you not to touch me,” she said quietly.
“We need to talk,” I said, moving to my knees. “Please.” She looked at me and I could see her considering the options in her head. “I think-,” I began, “I think I’m like you.” I thought back to the gum packet. Maybe that wasn’t just my imagination. She offered her hand to me and I noticed a symbol on her wrist. It was the same mark on Derek’s chest. I stood up on my own, not taking any chances. “I know that mark,” I said, and wiped my nose. She lowered her wrist quickly, hiding the mark behind her.
“We shouldn’t be talking,” she said.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Look around you,” she said, motioning around to the library. “Notice anything strange around here?” I looked around and shook my head. “It’s empty,” she said with anger in her voice. “People aren’t in the hospital, or dead. They’re gone. You know why they’re gone?”
“No,” I answered.
“Because they talked, O.K?”
“I don’t get it.”
“If you’re like me, than you should,” she said, and began to walk away. I followed her, this time not touching her.
“Shouldn’t we stick together?” I asked, reaching her side. She looked up and wiped a tear off her face. “People who stick together die together, Bradon,” She answered, and looked up into my eyes.
“How do you even know my name?” I asked. “I don’t even know who you are!” She shrugged her shoulders.
“I listen,” she answered, and stopped walking, turning to face me. “Please just leave me alone.”
“I will if you tell me something,” I replied, and crossed my arms.
“What?” She asked.
“What’s your name?” Her eyes flickered to the ground and back up to me.
“Violet,” she answered, and strode through the doorway.
“That’s only a first name,” I called after her. She didn’t reply.
[b]Valentine[/b]
Oh. My. God. I. Love. It!!!! Wow! I read the frist chapter and I was confused as to where you were taking it. This is just the thing that I wated to be explained. Just enough suspense to keep me reading. Enough mystery to keep me guessing. And loads of intrigue. I really enjoyed this. I'm hooked. You better keep writing this (or I'll find you 
). 
I could count on two hands the number of works on YWS I've read that don't include a variation on the sentence: she/he had eyes like <insert gemstone>. It's a major cliche. In fact, descriptions involving similies are so prone to being cliches, that I try to avoid them altogether unless I come up with one incredibly clever and original.
However, good writing can only go so far to cover poor logic, and in this case, some parts are very hard to believe, which puts a damper on an otherwise good story. Fortunately for you, logic issues are easy to correct, whereas if the problem was with your writing style, you'd need years of practice to improve. So you're on the right track, just make sure things stay believable.
