This is the novel I was going to query, but I may need to work on it some more. Reviews would be greatly appreciated! Thank you!
Kashmere
The bell rang and I heard all the girls in my boarding school saying goodbye for the summer. I would miss this school and my best friend Lizzie who lived in Boise, Idaho.
“Bye Kashmere! Hopefully I’ll see you next year!” she smiled.
“You too Lizzie,” I said and gave her a huge hug. “Let’s sit together on the way to the airport,” I grinned and she nodded. I couldn’t believe how many girls came here from all over the western United States, but I knew one thing for sure, I’d be happy to wear jeans and a t-shirt all summer long instead of the plaid skirts and white blouses.
Lizzie and I climbed onto the bus and began talking about our plans for the summer. Lizzie would be going to the Teton Mountains in Wyoming and spending a lot of time with her childhood friend, Emma.
“What about you Kashmere?” she asked.
“Oh, I don’t really know,” I replied. “All I know is that I am sure going to be on the lookout for cute guys this summer,” I giggled, and she let out a girly squeal also. We continued chatting until we walked into the airport and she boarded her flight to Boise.
“Bye Lizzie, I’ll write everyday!” I called to her as she handed the lady her ticket.
“I’ll write to you too Kashmere! I promise!”
I watched as she cast one look back at me and waved, dissapearing into the terminal. I sighed and sat down, pulling out my special copy of the complicated, Wuthering Heights. It was not long until I heard that the plane to Reno had arrived.
I closed my book and walked to the terminal, handing the woman my ticket. She smiled at me and I nearly skipped to the plane, but I had to restrain myself. I was finally going home after about ten months, why shouldn’t I be happy?
I quickly sat down by the window and looked out to the runway. Soon, I felt a presence and turned to see two girls, one with blond hair, and the other with brown. “Hi!” I told them.
“Oh, hello,” the blond said. “So are you going to Reno or do you live somewhere near there?”
I nodded. “I live in Reno, but I’ve been attending a boarding school here. What about you?”
Now it was the brunette to speak up. “Oh really? We’re from there too! We got out of school about a month ago though, so we stayed with my aunt and uncle here, so we’re heading back.”
“Oh, that’s cool,” I said, and we were suddenly in silence. “I’m Kashmere by the way,” I told them and stuck out my hand.
“Oh, I’m Missy, and this is Nikki,” the blond said and shook my hand, then Nikki shook it as well.
“How old are you?” I questioned.
“I’m twelve,” they replied at the same time.
“Me too!” I cried gleefully. Perhaps I had just found some summer friends before I went back to school.
“Yeah, we’re cousins though, and sadly, we’ll be going to different junior highs because of the stupid boundaries.”
“Well be glad you even get to go to junior high,” I told them and began telling them all about boarding school. Soon, we were soaring through the air, Missy, Nikki, and I probably disrupting everyone else on the plane. But I was excited, these girls seemed nice, and I was happy to have met them.
When the plane landed, Missy, Nikki, and I walked out together. We grabbed our luggage, and found our parents all standing next to each other!
“Mom! Dad!” We all screamed and ran to our parents, embracing them. We quickly introduced each other and exchanged the normal phone numbers and email addresses.
“Bye!” I waved to them as they walked to their car on the otherside and began talking my parents’ ears off.
“Sounds like you had a fun plane ride!” they exclaimed. “When we get home from dinner then why don’t you write Lizzie a letter?”
I nodded vigorously. Usually I sat alone on the ride home from boarding school and wrote a letter to Lizzie. But I hadn’t had time this time, I quickly pulled out my pen and wrote the memo on my hand.
We slowly pulled up to my favorite Italian resturant in our yellow Ferrari. As I walked into the restaurant I saw a boy about my age in a dark sweatshirt, looking at me from under his hood. He had gangster pants and his eyes glimmered red from underneath the dark fabric.
I feel my breath catch, but I shake my head. He probably just has colored contacts, that’s all, I thought. We sat down at a table near the back, and soon enough the boy sat down in a table not far from us with another man, who I assumed must be his father.
My parents stiffened as the two sat near us. I watched my father cast a glance at the man, their gazes locking.
“Mary, we need to go,” whispered my father as he turned his head away.
“Don’t worry John, it’ll be okay, just as long we don’t take a lot of time to eat,” my mother answered.
I ordered Chicken Alfredo with breadsticks and could feel the boy’s gaze burning into my skin. I hurried and ate, and it appeared my parents had finished just as fast as I had.
“Time to go,” my mom whispered in my ear. I nodded and could feel the boy watching me as I walked away.
We drove away and went to the movie store. My mom quickly floated to the romance aisle where teens and women were shoving to get to the latest DVD. She was all for cheesy love stories. Me? I preferred horror by far. My dad went to the T.V. section and looked for the episodes of his favorite television show.
I skipped down the aisle and into the horror section. I browsed through the racks of movies and saw him. Less than a yard away, was the boy in the dark sweatshirt.
My heart skipped a beat as he looked at a movie, but I knew he was shifting his glance towards me. I turned my head away as he lifted his head and looked at me, his gaze was like knives, and made me begin panicking.
What was this feeling? Why had my parents panicked and why did it seem like the boy was following us? Before I knew it my feet were carrying me closer to him unconsciously, I brushed the DVDs with my fingers, like I was looking for a certain one.
Soon I was half a foot from him, my gaze brushed over his features. I could tell he was skinny, not too muscular, just long and lanky.
“Hey,” he said quietly and I froze, too shocked to speak. He rose his head from the DVD he was staring at and I saw his red eyes flash.
“H…hey,” I stuttered. “I’m Kashmere,” I said, trying to be friendly.
“I’m Maroon,” he told me. He slowly put his hood back and I felt myself blushing. I could finally see his whole face, he had a narrow face and shaggy dark brown hair. He didn’t smile, and he looked, I don’t know, I guess, shy.
“Interesting name,” I said smiling, trying to break the ice.
“Like yours isn’t?” he asked quietly, turning his gaze to the ground.
“Well, yeah I guess it is kind of weird,” I said and quickly fixed my mistake. “Not saying yours is.”
Maroon chuckled, “You’re funny.”
“Um…thanks, I guess,” I giggled.
“So, what movie you looking for?” he asked. “I thought a girl like you would be in the romance aisle.”
“Oh, no,” I corrected him. “That is so my mom. I love horror. We stood in silence for a moment before I asked him, “so what are you looking for?”
“I don’t know. I guess just looking for a movie that Jus- I mean my dad will enjoy too,” he smiled at me, flashing his white teeth.
“Yeah, well, tonight we’re going to watch my movie because I just graduated from elementary school today,” I said proudly.
“Nice!” he said and gave me a high five. Even if it were for a brief moment my hand tingled when he touched it. His skin was incredibly warm almost like a furnace and I could feel my cheeks warming up at the thought.
“So, where do you go to school?” I asked him.
“Oh, well, I’m home schooled,” he replied solemnly.
“Well at least that’s better than boarding school, especially an all girls,” I said, doing a sick face.
“I might just enjoy that,” he chuckled. I didn’t get the joke at first but then I realized he just wanted to see the girls.
Maroon was making me laugh, and smile bigger than I ever had before, and I couldn’t believe it. Though, there were times that he seemed, I don’t know, sort of, timid I guess you could say. It was almost like he was ashamed of something, that no one knew about.
I was tempted to ask, but I restrained myself and quickly began sparking up a subject. We began talking about our likes and our dislikes and our dreams. I was beginning to tell him about Lizzie and Nikki and Missy, but a voice stopped me in mid-sentence.
I spun around to see my dad, red-faced, and looking furious. “Oh, dad!” I exclaimed. “One second!” I turned to Maroon, “I have to go. Hope to see you again sometime.”
“You too Kashmere,” he replied. I began walking off but then felt Maroon’s hand on my shoulder. “Here,” he said, placing a movie in my hand. “It’s one of my favorites,” he replied before running off.
I looked at the case he had placed in my hand and saw it was called, Assassin Warning.
We went home and watched the movie, but my parents didn’t speak to me. I didn’t get what was going on. How could my parents hate Maroon if they hadn’t even really met him?
As I watched the horror movie I thought about Maroon and his tinted eyes. I wondered if I would ever see him again. Before I knew it, the movie was over. I hadn’t even really been paying attention.
Before we could stop her, my mom put in her movie. I fell asleep at the beginning and soon felt a nudge, waking me from my slumber. “Kashmere,” my father said and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.
“Dad?” I mumbled, rubbing my eyes. I saw my comforting blue walls around me and realized that my dad must have carried me up to my room after I had fallen asleep downstairs.
“Shhh,” he said. He pulled the cover up to my chin and lifted my neck. “Kashmere, I want you to have this.” He wrapped something cold around my neck and clasped it in the back.
“What…” I trailed off and saw what was around my neck. The gold chain glimmered and the red gemstone glistened like fresh blood. “Dad…” I breathed and threw my arms around him. “Thank you,”
“Kashmere,” he whispered. “Listen to me, if you hear anything tonight, please, hide. Be silent and hide. That’s all I ask of you tonight.”
I was confused, what was he talking about? Why would he want me to hide in my own house? What had ever happened to us before?
“But why-”
“Just promise me Kashmere, oh God, please promise me.”
“I promise dad,” I forcefully whispered and my neck fell back on the covers.
“And Kashmere,” my dad started again. “Never let anyone near that ruby.”
“I won’t, you can trust me.”
“I know, I just don’t know if I can trust them.”
“Who? Who can’t you trust? Dad, what’s going on?”
“Kashmere, something…might happen tonight. But please, do as I say.”
“But dad! What’s going to happen? Why are you telling me all this?” My voice rose into a soft yelling.
“Kashmere…I can’t answer your questions, please, don’t ask me anymore. Please…”
“But dad-” he placed his finger on my lip.
“No Kashmere. Get some sleep,” he whispered, kissing my forehead. I closed my eyes as he got up from my bed and walked out the door, leaving it open just a crack.
As soon as he was gone I stared up at the ceiling, I could hear my parents in the room next door talking, but I couldn’t make out what they were saying.
I climbed out of my bed, crawling out of my bedroom on my hands and knees. I creeped to my parents’ door, placing my ear against the door.
“We can’t let her know. Maybe they’ll have pity and-”
“Mary, they’ve been after us for years. We can’t run now, not now. Its too late.”
I could hear my mother crying. Why was it too late? Who had been after them? What was going on? I heard my dad’s footsteps and watched as his shadow covered the light from their room that was leaking out of the crack.
I quickly stood up, darting to my room and jumping into my bed. I pulled the covers up to my nose and closed my eyes, my heart pounding like a hummingbird’s wings. What was going on?
I sat up in my bed and sighed, hearing the faint beeping of my iPod alarm going off in the bathroom.
I walked into the bathroom, turning off my iPod and going to the bathroom before I planned on getting back into bed.
As I began washing my hands, I glanced at the mirror and saw it. Blood, splattered across the glass. My heart quickened and my blood running through my veins turned to ice. I shook and trembled at the sight of the scarlet liquid.
“M…. mom!” I screamed. “Dad!” I ran out of the bathroom, sweat dripping down my forehead. I ran into my parents room and felt the carpet was sticky and wet. “Oh my…” I whispered and screamed. “Mom!” I cried and climbed into their bed, pulling the heavy soft covers over my head, waiting for her arms to comfort me.
But no arms reached to hold me, to save me. “She’s here,” a cold voice said outside my parents’ door.
“You may be just hearing things,” another voice said, one that, I vaguely recognized.
I heard a slapping sound and a cry in pain. “Shut up Maroon, you heard the screams just like I did. Don’t lie. Now go and check the parents’ room. Now.”
I heard the door open and footsteps. Please, I prayed in my mind. Don’t lift up the covers, please no. But it was too late, I could feel the cool, moist sheets and comforter being pulled off of my sweating body.
I gazed into a pair of eyes. Red eyes that glowed in the dark. I opened my mouth to scream but a warm hand covered my mouth. “Shhh,” the person said. “I won’t tell him you’re here, I want to protect you.” I had seen those eyes before. I had felt that warmth before…but I couldn’t think straight. Everything seemed like a nightmare.
I nodded slowly in response and felt the hand leave my mouth, and the covers fall across my head. I began breathing heavily, but place my own hand over my mouth. Where had I seen those eyes? Why had I been saved? What the hell was going on? Everything seemed like a horrible nightmare, and I prayed that it was.
“She’s not there, I looked in the parents’ room,” the voice that I recognized said.
“I looked in her room, she isn’t there.”
“She must be gone, maybe at a friend’s or something.”
“Don’t be such an ass, where would the screams have come from?”
“Maybe next door?”
I heard another slapping sound. “Shut up and quit trying to be such a smart ass! Now let’s get the hell out of this place.”
I heard the footstep fade and the door downstairs slam. I climbed out of the bed and looked out the window, watching as a black Mustang drove away. I turned away and walked to the bathroom again, forcing myself to stare at the blood on the mirror. I turned my head and saw, what I wished to never see. A body, in the bathtub.
I backed up against the door and saw that it was my father’s. Shock began clouding my thoughts, my mouth went dry. “No…no, no! Its not real!” I could feel my heart beat quicken and my breath come out in ragged breaths. “Help! Help me!” I cried, not being able to tear my gaze away from the gruesome site before me.
Tears fell uncontrollably, I slowly fell to the ground, my kness landing hard. I felt whoozy, the bathroom was spinning, it was like being on a roller coaster. I slowly stood up, walking to my parents’ bed and crawling back in. I held my head and began whispering, “go away! Go away! It’s just a dream! It’s just a dream!”
I opened my eyes and looked into the eyes of my mother. They were clouded and starring at me. Blood splattered the sheets and fell down her face like my own tears. “No!” I screamed. “No!”
I could feel my eyes roll into the back of my head and the stench of blood was flooding my nostrils. I rolled out of the bed, landing on my back. I stood up, lagging out of the room, slamming the door closed. I screamed as I tripped down the stairs with my eyes closed and I felt my head banging the walls, but I couldn’t do anything about it. I couldn’t see anything, all I could see was the blood of my parents. I slowly felt myself hit a step and tumble down the stairs. The pain was like a million migraines and wouldn’t stop until I hit the bottom.
I rubbed my hand against my head and forced my eyes to stare at the rivers of blood falling down my face, just like my mother’s blood tears. “No!” I screamed uncontrollably, finding my voice. The blood was real, I could feel it on my fingers, I could feel it running down my face. “It’s a nightmare! They can’t be dead! No he couldn’t have saved me and not them! He couldn’t!” I screamed louder and everything, all lights and sounds faded from my senses.
Anyhoo, in terms of errors, you don't add commas in many places. For example: 
Nothing can be compared to this. Please write more!