The book (edited)

The book. The book. Concentrate on the book. I told myself. But my eyes betrayed me, and glanced over the book. She was there, right in front of me, reading a light novel, unknowing of my stealthy gaze.

The book. I reminded myself and forcing my eyes to stare at the words inside . But mind was outside of the book. I caught myself listen to the sound of the pages in her book being turned. Why was I in the library again? A question appeared in my mind.

My vague memory gave me a hazy playback: I was wandering between the Romance sections, looking for a novel to read for my English assignment, when I saw her. I remembered an electrifying sensation of being shot through the chest with a lighting strike. She was walking between the aisles, her long black hair waving behind her back as she turned her head from side to side, searching for a book, just like me. Then she turned around, and saw me staring at her, dumbfounded. As a last desperate act to preserve my dignity, I quickly faced to my side and scanned over the fortress of books in front of me, then took one of them randomly and used it to cover my blushing cheeks. She chuckled, and picked a book from the shelf before sitting down at a reading table. For who know what reason, my body moved on its own and sat down before her, and now I stuck in this situation...

The book! Look at the darn book! I tried to distracted myself, before she realized I was staring at her again. My nose almost touched the rough paper as I brought the book closer and hid behind it. The smell of old paper, and the sweet fragrance of her perfume invaded my nostrils. Alright...what is this book abo-

My thought was cut short by the sound of her book placing down on the table. After a short and fast mental struggle with my curiosity, I lowered my book a little, just enough to look at her.

She was cleaning her glasses with the sleeves of her shirt. A little smile unexpectedly came to my lips. I guess she is as careless as I am then. Then I notice her brown eyes were focusing on me.

The book. Stay cool and keep looking at the book. I fixed my glass and continued to read the blank spaces between the lines, feign innocent. Did she notice me? Did she saw me peeking at her? She has pretty eyes, though… Oh man…What will she think of me? A weirdo? A stalker? Or maybe even worse? Not good… All of these thoughts sped through my brain in a few seconds before she spoke up:

“Excuse me?”

“YES?” I screwed up with an overly loud response. She startled, and the librarian girl glared at me as if she wanted to kill me with my own word. “I-I am sorry…” I sheepishly apologised, wishing I could just disappear. This is the end…why couldn’t I just keep myself to the book and act normally? I wailed silently inside me, until she spoke to me again:

“Do you mind if I borrow your book a little?” She smiled to me. “I think this book is the one I was looking for.”

How could I decline such a beautiful smile? “Of course. I-I meant I do not mind at all.” I passed it to her, trying to be casual in my manner, like a friend to a friend, not a pathetic guy who was just dying to be able to touch her hand as she held the book. Her fingers were gently flicking the pages of the old book, and occasionally, touched on her soft red lips as she licked the index finger. A cute habit. I secretly enjoyed my thoughts and my view upon her svelte figure.

“Pardon me, but is there something on my face?” Her voice shook me off of my dream world. Crap. She caught me. Think! Quickly! Right…the book!

“Oh, it was nothing. I was just looking at the cover of the book.” I reply in an unbelievable calm voice. That is it. Stay cool and don’t let her think you are weir-

“I see. You must really like this book then.” She closed the book, and slid it across the table to me. “Thank you for letting me borrowed it. Have a good day!” And away, she went. The large wooden doors of the library closed behind her, blocked all of my paths to her heart.

I sighed deeply. I sighed the way any heart-broken guy would do, letting out all of their depression and disappointment in that one single breath. Giving a wearily glance at the book, I snatch it and walked to the checkout counter. Might as well use this thing for my assignment. I thought. But at the moment the librarian girl took the book from my hand and held it up to scan its code at the side, a little white piece of paper slipped out. She ignored it, but I didn’t.

I picked it up, and turned it around. Written elegantly on the piece of paper, was a message. It was short and simple, but enough to set my heart on fire and gave wings to my feet as I dash outside of the library, leaving the book behind with the confused librarian: “Meet me at the back of our school.”
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I had just written this short story today in class. I am a bad student right?
There will be two more short stories coming after this, and will be made into a series called "Library of Love" so stay tuned and give some critiques, I will try better to improve base on your opinions.

Off topic: What are some things that you might find beside books in an library?

Edit: Fixed some errors, read the comments and now on my way to write the next one(I am typing this in Math class... I am such a bad student).

Hey there, you've got something good here. You have suspense building up and the poor guy's thoughts in the background and then, just when you're really expecting something from all the built-up tension, she ups and leaves. Then you wind the story down and add in that little note, the clincher of the whole short story.
I liked it a lot, but there were a few things you got wrong. Your grammar, which isn't too bad, needs just a little work. For instance, you switch verb tenses several times (took, taking, taken) to keep a story solid and make it work, you need to revolve around a central verb tense: past, present or future.
Good grammar is very important (especially since I've heard many user express their disdain towards poor-grammar works, but hush hush (;) so you should work on that. YWS even supplies a spellcheck that does a little grammar work too, but you should really rely on your own corrections.
Anyways, nice work, PM me when the next two come out and I'll work on them.

Off topic: Many things, libraries have realia (actual objects like birds' nest, artwork, and miniature models) computers, special zooming machines (to read old newspaper clippings) and, of course, hot girls with books XD

Hey rain, great job on the story. It was a short, but amazing story. You described the thoughts of the boy so well along with his actions. You portrayed almost a real life incident that would be very rare (but lucky for the boy). The only problem I noticed, was a rushed end. If you put a little more detail into the end after the girl leaves, it would help the story a lot. So once again, awesome story. And keep up your talented skill!
~Izumi

Aww, I liked this story a lot! It's very sweet and quaint; poor boy, he doesn't even realize that she knows.

One thing I noticed was that you use "the book" so many times, and I know that's the title of the post and all, but it still got very repetitive. Perhaps you could cut back on how many times you use the word, or replace some instances with "novel" or "story" or something.

You also seemed to have a little problem with the past and present tenses; like this paragraph, for example.

RainWanderer wrote:She was walking between the aisles, her long black hair waved waving, to fit with the rest of this sentence's style behind her back as she turned her head from side to side, searching for a book, just like me. Then she turned around, and saw me stared staring at her, dumbfounded. As a last desperate act to preserve my dignity, I quickly faced to my side and scan scanned over the fortress of books in front of me, then take took one of them randomly and use used it to cover my blushing cheeks. She chuckled, and picked a book from the shelf before sitting down at a reading table. For who know what reason, my body moved on its own and sat down before her, and now I was stuck in this situation...

“YES?” I screwed up with an overly loud response.

Hehehe I like this line.

The large wooden doors of the library closed behind her, block all of my paths to her heart.

I think you mean blocking?

I picked the paper up, and turn it around. Written elegantly on the piece of paper, was a message. It was short and simple, but enough to set my heart on fire and gave wings on my feet as I dash outside of the library, leaving the book behind with the confused librarian: “Meet me at the back of our school.”

Good ending!


Okay, so basically the main thing I noticed was that you tend to switch tenses. You'll want to keep an eye on those; aside from that, your writing is great and I love the simplicity and sweetness of the story. Please let me know when you post more; I don't usually ask that for Romance works, but yours is great!

Off topic: What are some things that you might find beside books in an library?

Well, let's see...computers for both database searching and for Internet use; quiet, secluded areas to read/study; magazines; movies/music/electronics in general; and don't forget, occasionally a cute guy.

Thank all of you for the responses. I will take your advices and try to work better on the next one!
Oh and, Ranger Hawk ,the repetitive of "the book" was intended. I like to use my vocabulary, and often cringe at the repetitive of a same word more than twice, but this is an exception. I want to get the readers' mind to stick on with that word, and keep the attention on it, thinking about it along with the character. I will see into the number of times I use that word though..I might have been abusing it.

About the ending, I do not intend to make it longer than it is now, since dropping there is enough for a short story. But of course, curious readers will wonder what will happened to him later. Well, I leave that to the readers! Who knows, he might be beat up because he dare to stare at her?

Poor guy, really enjoyed the tension, and the way you described her, really sweet.

Hey, I couldn't find any nitpicks so that's good
First of all, this is an amazing story! I repeat, it's amazing!
You can write romance stories better than I can and anyway, I like it how they meet t the library, and the girl see the guy staring at her because trust me, that happens...a lot XD Over all, I think It's a cute story =3
Well,that's all for now, can't wait for the second part of this story
Keep on writing! (seriously, keep on doing it )

~Booky~