Prose: "Waywatcher"

Here's a random scene I'll be writing on the spot, hope you enjoy it.



COMMENTS/CORRECTIONS ENCOURAGED


Yurok the Waywatcher pulled his cloak low over his face and gazed out from under the leaf-covered cowl. Had someone been taking a stroll in this forest, and had this someone looked in his direction at that moment, they would have seen nothing out of the ordinary, the Sylvan blended so well with his woodland surroundings.

Yurok's long, sharp ears perked at the sound of a soft but heavy footfall somewhere in the distance. The elf sat perfectly still, relying on his superior hearing to sense the intruder. In the distance he heard large, thick boots stamping the ground of the forest floor. The feet crushed leaves and twigs with loud snaps and crackles, and Yurok sighed inwardly at how loud the beings of Faerun could be.

As the footseps grew closer, Yurok slowly drew his bow and strung it, pulling the string into position with expert precision. He silently pulled a green fletched arrow from his quiver and fitted it ono the oaken bow. To the casual observer, it would have appeared as if a slight breeze had blown the bushes, nothing more.

Even as the footsteps grew closer, a rank odor swiftly assaulted his keen nose. Yurok's face cringed as he recognized the stench.

"Orc," Yurok snarled under his breath. Just as the words left his mouth, a green-skinned brute stepped into his view. The elf, filled with rage, almost slew the orc where it stood. He leveled the bow at the tusked creature and brought the point of the steel-tipped arrow directly over its heart. In his fury the thought nearly escaped him that this could be a forward scout for a larger party. He held his shot for a moment and looked the creature over.

Yurok, being a Waywatcher of the Land, knew every leaf, every creature of the nation. Lone orcs, as well as those of a raiding party, were typically clad in a mishmash of chain, hide, or plate armors. The armor this orc wore, however, consisted of a padded cloth tunic and leather paldrons studded with steel bits. The result was a much quieter and softer step.

Yurok's eye brows raised as he observed the creature's movements. They were careful and calculated, unlike the normal graceless tromping orcs usually exhibitted. For an orc, this creature moved surprisingly quiet. To a normal person, the scout would have been almost undetectable. But to Yurok's trained, elven ears, the creature was just another clumsy oaf.

The orc knealt down to the forest floor and placed a hand to the dirt. He rested his hand on the earth for a moment, then stood up and looked around nervously.

more later...

Not bad at all! I'd certainly like to see more. When can you have something ready?! .... Heh. Take your time, really. But do post. As for this, it's a little short, I think. However, that's obviously no big deal as you told us to expect more later.

My comments are less content-based and more diction, style and grammatical -- and kind of nit-picky, to boot. I hope you don't mind?

Yurok the Waywatcher pulled his cloak low over his face and gazed out from under the leaf covered cowl.

Should be a hyphen, as such: "leaf-covered cowl"

they would see nothing out of the ordinary, the wood elf blended so well with his woodland surroundings.

Tense problem and awkward phrasing. My correction: "they would have seen nothing out of the ordinary. The wood elf blended well with his woodland surroundings." Although I have issue with usin the word "wood" twice in that sentence, it's also no big deal.

Yurok's long, pointedly sharp ears

Seems a little redundant to me. I would pick either pointed or sharp, but not both. If I were you.

The elf sat perfectly still, relying solely on his superior hearing to sense the intruder.

Something I learned recently that *I'm* way too guilty of, and I'll pass it along to you so we can both try at this: words like "perfectly" and "solely"
(as well as others like actually, totally, completely, and more) are empty. They actually hurt our writing more than they help. If you take them out, the sentence seems much more solid than it did with them in.

As the footseps grew closer, and markedly louder,

No comma needed after closer. It might be cooler to describe the sound instead of saying it got "markedly louder." If you would choose not to do so, I would just get rid of "markedly" - or at least change it. The word seems to stick out a little bit.

Yurok slowly drew his bow and strung it, pulling the string into position with expert precision/

I like this line. Excellently done! (If I could say *anything* about it, I would suggest changing "slowly" to "deliberately" or a similar word.) Nevertheless, it paints a good picture for us.

green fletched arrow fromhis quiver

Oops! Need a space in fromhis. And after reading on, I've decided I like this entire paragraph a lot.

Yurok's nose cringed as he recognized the stench.

Since you already referenced his nose in the previous sentence, try just saying that "Yurok cringed," instead. Not only that, is his whole face is more likely to crinkle up than just his nose? From the clues you give, I'd think so - especially since he's smarling in the next sentence. Slightly different picture, but it tells a lot about his reaction. Still, good.

a green skinned brute stepped into his view

brought the point of the steel tipped arrow directly over its heart

Hyphens at "green-skinned" and "steel-tipped". No real big issue, just something to keep in mind come editing time.

I also like the paragraph where we find out what Yurok knows about the orc - what he's wearing and why. Very nice!

Yurok's eye brows raised as he observed the creature's movements.

Eyebrows is usually one word, I believe.

It left its hand for a moment, then stood up and looked around nervously.

I think I know what you're trying to say here, but it might be better if you made it crystal clear who was doing exactly what with the hand. "The orc let his hand rest for a moment, then stood up and looked around nervously." And that's more fun to read, too.

One thing to work on for the future: rely less on single adjectives and adverbs to describe things. They seldom get the job done the way we like, and your story can be far more immersive if you go into detail.

You have good suspense throughout. You have set up nice action and what looks to be an interesting scene up ahead. One thing I see in your writing is that you don't linger on irrelevant detail - that's excellent. I would just try to strike a balance between details you need and details you don't. Keep writing, and keep posting. I want to see what happens to this Yurok. And once again, nicely done indeed. Don't think that for all my comments here that it's bad or I didn't like it. Because I did. Like it. Heh.

Nit picky is good lol

I wish all my readers editted this way!

I'll be sure to continue it...right now!

(I'll probably just write it while I'm online here...on the spot...)


The ocrish scout turned away from Yurok and hurried away, glancing over its shoulder with each step. Suspicious, (and perhaps a bit curious) the Sylvan stalked after the brute, his fine leather boots making not so much as a scuffle on the thick brush of the forest floor.

The waywatcher followed the scout for a mile and more, gaining a feel for his equipment and capabilities. A heavy crossbow was slung over his back, and a quiver of bolts hund loosely at his belt. Hanging from a baldric was a rugged but functional shgortsword, and a dagger was poorly concealed in the small of the orc's broad back.

The orc moved as quickly and surely as an elf over the woodland terrain, weaving in and out of the trees seamlessly. After fifteen minutes of tailing the orc, Yurok heard the telltale sounds of an orcish encampment. Grunts, snorts, and snarls accompanied the gutteral language of the golbinoid races, a tongue not unknow to the seasoned Waywatcher.

Cool on-the-spotting, man. Um... yeah. Good story. Write more.

Bobo wrote:Cool on-the-spotting, man. Um... yeah. Good story. Write more.

ever the creatively replying one

anyway...

Yurok stared into the forest, trying vainly to catch a glimpse of the orc encampment. Even with the Sylvan's keen eyesight, he was unable to penetrate the thick underbrush.

Cursing mildly under his breath, Yurok reslung his bow over his shoulder and reached up to grab a low-hanging branch of a nearby tree. Within seconds, the nimble elf had scaled the massive tree and had gained a perfect view of the camp. He nearly fell out of the tree when he saw the sheer number of orcs gathered in the encampment. A few makeshift tents had been set, and a massive bonfire was roaring in the fast-fading sunlight. No fewer than a dozen orcs had gathered around the fire, and Yurok counted eight more wandering about the camp. There was no telling how many occupied the tents.

Yuork watched curiously as the orcish scout hurried to the largest of the tents--most likely the chieftan's tent. Almost immediately after the scout had entered, an earthshattering roar burst from the tent.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT!?" the chieftan demanded in the snarling language of the orcs. The socut must have responded, because the chieftan fell silent and roared no more. Yurok waited in the tree, calculating his odds of challenging such a force and coming out alive. From what he could see, the orcs were much more disciplined than the average bandit party. They wore armor of above average quality, and most of the weapons were made of steel unlike the normal iron of the orcish clans.

"I've got a bad feeling aobut this," the elf muttered. He contemplated traveling the thirty miles back to his own people, but that would taske much too long. The orcs would would have moved on by the time he returned.

A great cheer rose up from the orc encampment, startling the Waywatcher.

Just...

For an orc, this creature moved surprisingly quiet.

Should that not be 'quietly'?

Otherwise, that was really good! Especially as you said it was an on-the-spot piece of work. Have you ever used that character before? I like the classic-fantasy style of the creatures... It'd be interesting for you to take this one on, see where you can go.

I've never actually used this character, just kinda had him in my head...

unfortunately, I don't have time write more...sorry guys...

Yurok shifted his gaze to the outskirts of the camp, where a small band of orcs were entering the camp, the mangled carcasses of five deer upon their shoulders. Yurok gasped as he scrutinized them more closely.

Dressed from tusk to toe in dyed black leather, these orcs moved with fluid grace and a pompous attitude. Many exotic weapons hung from their belts, including a pair of wickedly curved sickles, a scimitar, and a massive long bow that loked as if it had been strung by a titan.

"Blackguard," the Sylvan whispered. A single orc of this caliber had not been seen since before the elven Waywatcher had been brought into the world, over a century earlier. The famed Blackguard of Gruumsh were once a great tribe of orc warriors that ruled the entire southern continent of Faerun, then called Erisa. These orcish assassins trained from birth to be nothing but warriors, skilled in every form of combat, be it bow or blade. They had been wiped out by a band of Sylvan warriors after a hundred years of rule.

Yurok blinked slowly, taking in every detail of these orcs. Trophies hung from every concievable spot on their bodies; ears, noses, fingers, jewelry, anything they could take. Yurok knew his chances of attacking the tribe had just gotten infinitely slimmer. Still he, knew he at least had to try, if only to kill one of these blackguards. He knew that for every blackguard orc in Faerun, hundreds of lives were in danger, they were so famed for their prowess.

"Die, beasts of Gruumsh" the Waywatchwer whispered as he slid down the tree trunk and into the shadows of the quickly rising night.

An hour later, Yurok slipped into the orc encampment, undetected. He completely ignored the orcs sleeping by the fire, as well as those guarding the command tent. He headed straight for the Blackguards, residing in a tent just outside of the encampment.

What are you doing you fool? He thought to himself. He knew the answer without even thinking; the safety of his people had been placed in his hands, and he had to destroy these creatures, even at the cost of his own life.

The Waywatcher stood for a moment at the entrance to the tent, listening intently for any hints at the orcs' whereabouts. From his trained ears, he could hear four of the beasts dozing in the center of the room, and two were on guard duty. One of them was curiously missing. He ignored the missing orc and planned his next move carefully. With a deep breath, he slid his twin blades from their scabbards and dove into the tent.

All six of the orcs waited for him within. The closest had a huge grin on his face, his sickles in hand. It was at this moment that Yurok knew he had made a fatal error. He had underestimated the most deadly assassins on the continent. It would now cost him his life.

He did not hesitate for a second, diving toward the closest in wild abandon. His blades wove circles around the orcs own curved blades, but the humanoid kept pace, responding with its own calculated maneuvers that turned aside each attack.

Yurok sensed, rather than saw, three of the Blackguards moving in.

"Get back!" the orc he was fighting barked in the goblinoid language. Yurok p-ressed in further, trying to find a weakness in the Blackguard's defense.

"Foolish elf!" crowed the orc in common tongue.

Yurok ignored the taunt and concentrated on his target's eyes; he knew they would betray the orc's moves eventually. They battled for what seemed like a lifetime, neither gaining the upper hand. As they fought, more orcs crowded into the tent to watch.

This is how it ends for me? Yurok wondered silently. Suddenly, he saw an opening; the orc's left side was unprotected for a slit second after each double slash-low. Only novices made such a mistake. As Yurok followed the orcs's attacks and got his rhythm, he realized that the orc was much like himself in training; he had mastered his art, practiced to perfection, but had never faced an opponent he could not defeat by speed alone. The orc was fast, but predictable.

--Right thrust low--left slash high--double chop followed by mid slash left-to-right--double thrust--

It was exact the same routine Yurok had learned from his father while in training. He let the orc gain a slight advantage, knowing full well how he would respond.

The orc charged forward with a great double slash that would hasve decapitated Yuork--if he had been there. The nimble elf had used the orc's blade as an object blocking the orc's vision, and had moved with the blade as it went past him. To the orc, it would have appeared as if the elf simply diasppeared before him.

The Blackguard's jaw dropped as Yurok vanished, then yelped in pain as Yurok drove one blade up into its lungs and the second through its heart. Black blood gushed from both wounds, quickly filling the unfortunate creature's lungs and pooling onto the floor in lakes. Yurok eased thwe orc to the gorund, then jerked both blades from its body. As the creature lay dying, Yurok turned to face the onslaught of death that awaited him.

nothing? not even a titter?

You know Hunter, you always write well. I'd actually be surprised if you didn't, since you read these type of book so much and in such large amounts.

hm...This was not particularly my style, so for me the interest level was a bit low. I really love your writing style though and your description was awesome! Keep writing!

Here are some things that I found:

The orc charged forward with a great double slash that would hasve decapitated Yuork--if he had been there.

You need to take out that s in have.

The Blackguard's jaw dropped as Yurok vanished, then yelped in pain as Yurok drove one blade up into its lungs and the second through its heart.

It kind of sounds like you are saying that his jaw yelped in pain when in fact he yelped in pain. You want to consider revising the end of the sentence.

What are you doing you fool?

What are you doing, you fool?

From his trained ears, he could hear four of the beasts dozing in the center of the room, and two were on guard duty.

That sounds odd to me. Maybe it should be: "with his trained ears."

Yurok eased thwe orc to the gorund, then jerked both blades from its body.

There are a couple of obvious errors here. Once again, nothing major. None of these errors are destructive to the piece. I just thought that I'd point them out.

This is very good overall. I am looking forward to reading the rest.

wow.... that was good... The only thing that was strange was that part way through, you seemed to start refering to him as a Sylvan instead of an elf, and then back to refering to him as elf. But even that wasn't too bad, it was easy to figure out what you ment.

And now i want more, goddess help me.

That may be the end actually....I mean, how is he possibly going to cut through dozens of orcs!? He's only one elf (a SYLVAN ELF ) after all!