poetry

um... my poems are pretty gay but i want other people to see them and have their say so i am putting one in and yeah its called Raindrops.... i wrote it on a rainy day XDhehehe

20/12/2009
Raindrops

Drip...drip,
The rain has come,
I see it sliding,
Sliding, joining...dripping.

The ships are coming in,
The storm is on its way,
People run indoors,
They hide from its anger,

It is coming faster now
Like a speeding train,
The thunder getting louder,
Like the beating of a drum.

The lightning striking,
Like thousands of flashing lights,
The tiny rainbows trapped in the rain,
Waiting to be released unto the world.

I can hear the rain on the rooftop,
It patters like thousands of tiny feet,
I see it sliding down my window,
It spits past like thousands of angry bees.

The rain drips on the flowers,
It makes the grass green,
It makes the rivers flow,
It makes the sky dark.

The rain makes me happy,
It makes me sad,
The rain makes me sleepy,
After all it's not all that bad

Drip...drip,
The rain has come,
I see it sliding,
Sliding, joining...dripping.

Is that little guy falling or bowing? Cuz he should be bowing.

I love this poem, especially the way the stanzas grow longer as the rain gets stronger (weird, that rhymed) and then taper down as it goes away. Was that on purpose?
Don't worry, it's not gay (in whatever meaning you meant for the word) keep writing!

Anywho, kudos.

Jenth

My favorite stanza "The ships are coming in, The storm is on its way, People run indoors, They hide form its anger,"

I really don't have anything to suggest, except perhaps describing a little more so that the reader can have a clearer picture of the rain falling down in a particular setting. I really loved it- keep writing!

~Mel

Sarahhhh! I stalked you down!

Wow, you are really good! I loved how you repeated the 'sliding, joining... dripping'. It is by far my favourite line! Also, I liked the 'angry bees' comment. I really meant to actually review this but all the nitpicks I had dissapeared when you ended this :/ It wasn't perfect but I liked the kind of scattered effect. Kinda like raindrops
Well, thanks for sharing! Please share more! You KNOW I will pressure you at school! SHARE!!!!

~Durr

P.s. hope you get featured

first of all, i would like to mention that i really appreciate the use of verbs in this poem. when i read this at first, i thought that maybe you should not repeat the first verb twice, but when i reached the conclusion i realized the symmetry and beauty of it. yeah, it was stupid to question redundancy in a poem.
Now, i think that it was cool that you wrote this on a rainy day, and that it was stunning yet understandable. it shows that there was real inspiration behind it.
i am a really bad poet. i try not to even try. so please don't think that i am claiming to be an expert at this; i just felt that i should grant you a review.
Keep up the good work!
post script: does it rain much where you live? not where i live!

Oh my gosh this is one of the best pieces of poetry I have ever had the honor of reading... thank you

This poem creates great imagery! And i like the formation of the stanzas, it fits rather well with the way the poem was writen. And in any sense it is definitely not gay, its fantastic!

Hi snoopy,

Firstly:

um... my poems are pretty gay

I know you probably mean no harm by this, but using the word "gay" as a derogative can be quite insulting to homosexuals. It's a common practice and I don't mean to vilify you for using it casually, but in the future, especially as you're a writer, try and use more intelligent expressions! Also, it's bad form to disparage your work before I've even read it.

This isn't a great poem but it's good to see you trying. I think I myself wrote a poem around your age about raindrops. One of the things I did with mine, though, was use the formatting to make it like a rain drop falling down. Little things like that can make your poem stand out, because at the moment you use a lot of cliched phrases, and overused words, and also repetition, which can be boring for the reader. You also have to make sure you don't just repeat yourself, as you have here, by just describing what rain is. 99.9% of people who read this poem know what rain does and what it is. There's not much point just describing rain, think instead what it means to you, how does it make you feel? What do you like about rain? What do you do in the rain? etc.

snoopysoap wrote:um... my poems are pretty gay but i want other people to see them and have their say so i am putting one in and yeah its called Raindrops.... i wrote it on a rainy day XDhehehe

20/12/2009
Raindrops

Drip...drip,
The rain has come,
I see it sliding,
Sliding, joining...dripping.<<<<< am not sure about the joining thing

The ships are coming in,
The storm is on its way,
People run indoors,
They hide from its anger,

It is coming faster now
Like a speeding train,
The thunder getting louder,
Like the beating of a drum.

The lightning striking,
Like thousands of flashing lights,
The tiny rainbows trapped in the rain,
Waiting to be released unto the world.

I can hear the rain on the rooftop,
It patters like thousands of tiny feet,
I see it sliding down my window,
It spits past like thousands of angry bees.

The rain drips on the flowers,
It makes the grass green,
It makes the rivers flow,
It makes the sky dark.

The rain makes me happy,<<<<<< i love this part
It makes me sad,
The rain makes me sleepy,
After all it's not all that bad

Drip...drip,
The rain has come,
I see it sliding,
Sliding, joining...dripping.

Nice poem really i liked it