Secret Keeper Chapter 2

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The dream bothered me throughout breakfast. I thought about it as I nibbled on a biscuit smothered with an exotic type of marmalade found only in Crystallia. I thought about it as I made my way to the throne room. I thought about it as I tuned in and out of an argument between the Mistress and a Crystallian who refused to pay his taxes.
Why did that boy look so familiar? I wondered. Where have I seen him before?
“ELLIE!” the Mistress shrieked, wrenching me out of my thoughts.
I jumped. “Yes, Mistress?”
“I’ve called you at least ten times, dear!”
“Sorry,” I said hastily. “I’m just…thinking.”
“About what? What could possibly make you think so deeply that you would ignore my voice?”
I averted my gaze and felt myself flush, feeling ashamed of both my trite thoughts and my disobedience. I didn’t want to admit what I had been thinking of.
“Ellie?” the Mistress said, kinder this time. “Look at me dearest.”
I obeyed and met her eyes that were filled with love. “Tell me what is bothering you.”
I sighed, embarrassed to obey but too scared to disobey. “It’s…a boy.”
“A boy?” she repeated. Her tone was calm but reflected her obvious shock.
“Yes, Mistress,” I agreed, blushing deeper. “There’s a slave boy I saw the other day. I could have sworn I’ve seen him before--he seems so familiar. Then I had a dream about him last night, and I could have sworn I’ve had the same dream in the past.” I looked up. “What does this mean, Mistress? I’m so confused…”
“I wouldn’t be surprised if you have seen him before,” she said. “Chances are good that he works in the palace.”
“But I’ve never seen him before in Crystallia--not that I remember, anyway,” I explained. “I could swear that I haven’t only seen him before, but that I actually once knew him!”
“Do these thoughts trouble you?” she asked sweetly.
“They do, Mistress. A lot.”
She rose from her throne. “Then I shall help you overcome these thoughts. Come, Ellie.”
I followed her through a maze of hallways. We finally reached a door, similar to my room’s door, and the Mistress put her three-fingered hand on a device to the right of the door. The thing scanned her hand, and the door opened a second later.
We entered, and it shut behind us.
“Lights,” the Mistress said.
Light obediently flooded the room, revealing that we were in what appeared to be a lab room. There was a big chair in the center of the room, which reminded me vaguely of something from Earth--a chair that was found in a… What do you call it again? The person who takes care of your teeth? Oh, right! A dentist. It looked like a dentist’s chair. I shuddered at the memories of going to the dentist. Fillings, demands that I floss more frequently--and better, the nasty taste of fluoride treatments, in which I wasn’t allowed to eat or drink anything for a specified time period afterward to rid myself of the taste, and the tooth polish that always tasted disgusting no matter what flavor I asked for.
The Mistress sat me down in the chair and rummaged through cupboards and drawers until she finally found a tube with a suction cup attached at the end. She stuck the other end of the tube onto a valve of a big, slightly scary-looking machine and put the suction-cup side on my forehead.
“This machine will delete the memories of this boy you spoke of, which should help clear your mind and soothe your soul,” she said gently. “It will render you unconscious for a while, but when it has finished its job, you’ll wake up feeling refreshed, as if you took a pleasant nap.”
I was so relieved to hear that she doing this for me that I felt tears well up in my eyes. “Thank you, Mistress,” I choked. “You’re so good to me.”
She smiled. “Sleep well, Ellie.”
She turned a lever, and I was out.




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Thanks for posting more of the story it was very good. Your friend is a very talented writer. Your descriptions were very good, and I couldn't see anything wrong(this is a quick scan), but I enjoyed it.Do post more I really would like to know what happens next! :lol:
Follow your bliss.-J.Campbell




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Hey, it's me again.(: I would consider putting multiple chapters together, because it will give us more to review! Nothing more really happened in this chapter. The story did not progress much, so maybe you should connect it to the first chapter!

I'm especially curious about the Mistress's character...she seems very interesting. I have many questions about her. She reminds me of characters in other fictional stories who may seem nice...too nice. Is she possible evil? Does she have a dark side to her? Does she just like to use people?

Keep on writing-

KD
Perfect things in life aren't things.
Spoiler
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I agree with Kaedee, this chapter doesn't really take the plot anywhere. Though the chair the queen uses dose remind me of the show Dollhouse (if anyone's seen that.)
There really isn't much to say about this one...
Do tell your friend to keep writing though! She is a vary good writer over all.
“There are many thing people have claimed can not be true and yet nearly all of them have ether been true to begin with or been made true by thous stubborn enough to ignore them.”-Scientist 666 from my 2009 NaNoWriMo novel.




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Eep... I have seen Dollhouse and I hope I never have to again...

Anyway, thank you for posting more, even though I just read the first chapter. Very interesting. I have to agree that this doesn't fit my idea of a chapter, but I will say that you might be able to add to either the first or the third chapter, depending on where it fits. You might even be able to turn this chapter into more of an exposition and add more description of the place and how the people fit in with it. Maybe you could give her more time to think about this strange boy and have it that she wakes up early because of the dream and begins to think about the things she knows about how the humans came here. It would give your reader more information about the setting and would give your chapter more of a purpose. Just a suggestion, expound on it as you like.
"'It is some time since I last heard the sound of your shears. How long have you been Eavesdropping?'

'Eavesdropping, sir? I don't follow you, begging your pardon. There ain't no eaves at Bag End and that's a fact!'"

- Sam Gamgee and Gandalf the Grey. The Fellowship of the Ring, Pg. 70.



The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma.
— Patrick Star