Life seemed lifeless without him. Like my heart was taken out of my chest. The last words that went through my mind was I loved him and he just disappeared. The next month when he arrived at my porch I slammed the door and calapsed into the sanded, smooth floor of my house. Soon, he walked in and saw me there on the wood canopy under me. He picked me up and kissed me, I soon woke up with our lips pressed together.


As we sat there on the couch joining together, I felt nothing but the peices of my heart getting sewed back to place with love. He stopped suddenly without me knowing.


"What's wrong?" i asked."Nothing but aren't your parents coming home soon?" "You're right, let's go to somewhere!" I dragged him outside and into the backyard up to a tree house where we made-out.

Soon his hands were touching me and I was touching him. My eyes were closed but I could feel his perfect figure inbetween my fingers. His shaggy brown hair, abs, face, and texture. Every single detail in my palms. Matt was the most gorgeous human being in the world and I can't beleive I get to hold him in my arms.

I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock the next day feeling so happy I was alive yesterday...the best day of my life. I felt that everyone but Matt was invisible and we were the only two people on Earth. I, Jenneth Judith Parker was in love with Matthew Jake Sparxarth, the most wonderful person someone can love or know.

I sat in school not caring if I didn't straighten my hair this morning or if people were whispering about me but know that I felt this way and nobody else would ever know this feeling I am feeling right now.

The next week I didn't go to school because I was "sick" but really I was just skipping school to hang-out with Matt.

"Hi Jenneth." he whispered to me in my ear while we were hugging."Hi Matt." I whispered back. "I love you" He said kissing me with passion."I love you too." I still whispered into his ear nipping on his ear-lobe. I knew he liked it, I knew he loved me.


okay. so this is all i got hope you like leave a comment if there are any mistakes or you just liked it:) haha

Well done! If only I could write this kind of Romantic Fiction. What I liked most about your story is it was Short and Sweet. So, on to the review:

Nit-Picks and Grammar:

fictionwriter22 wrote:calapsed

Should be Collapsed.

fictionwriter22 wrote:sanded, smooth

I'd change it to smooth, sanded. It makes it flow easier.

fictionwriter22 wrote:Soon, he walked in and saw me there on the wood canopy under me

I didn't comprehend. But then again I'm stupid I wouldn't add 'there' because you're narrating from your own point of view.

fictionwriter22 wrote:I felt nothing but the peices of my heart getting sewed back to place with love

I might change this. If she only felt that then that's kind of odd? See? "I felt the pieces of my heart being sewn back together with love. I felt his touch, I felt the hair on the back of my neck stand on end. The warm feeling inside, blood rush." Then you can go one for a paragraph or so.

Make sure you don't go "i" instead of "I"

I couldn't really find an instance of this, but it'll be useful in the future. Stick to tense, past or present, all your words should co-incide with your tense. Don't write "I feel like never before" instead of "I felt like never before." Just a helpful tip from your helpful, neighbourhood Hero.

fictionwriter22 wrote:Jenneth Judith Parker was in love with Matthew Jake Sparxarth

I get what you were getting at but you only needed to Full-erize one name.

With you dialogue, you should always skip a line when a new person talks. SO instead of:

And that's it for Nit-Picks!

Now, the main review.

I think this was a great story, very Short, very Sweet, In a sense it was realistic. It's meant to be realistic in every sense if you get what I mean. What you need to do most to craft a masterpiece here is describe Matt. "His hair was brown and his deep eyes too. He wore jeans and a whatever coloured jacket." And you should do this right as a beam of light splits into the room, revealing Matt.

Okay, that's really it for your review! Mind you that's good. Because you could probably find like triple this much to review in my stories. I Liked this! Well done.

hey ! so here's the review :
- okay the first thing was that it was just too short and i felt really confused when i read through it. everything happens so fast and its like before i know it the story is already over.

"I felt nothing but the peices of my heart getting sewed back to place with love"
this sentence structure was not right. how can she not feel anything but just her heart being pieced back together?

"Matt was the most gorgeous human being in the world and I can't beleive I get to hold him in my arms"
the last part of the sentence should have been in past tence.

another thing is that you tend to change tenses during the story which is kinda confusing so just stick to one tense.

"I knew he liked it, I knew he loved me"
this part is really cute !!

overall the story was good, just a few mistakes but thats ok. i liked it.

-budding

Beautiful, so amazingly, written. Check spelling and it's perfect.