Suicide, The Note.

7 posts
User avatar
Gender Male
Points 9561
Reviews 77
To whom finds this first.

I am done being a monster. In this letter I am going to confess to every despicable thing I've done. Henry, I love you. But I need to tell you something. These past few months, I have been working as a prostitute. For some reason, though, I don't regret it. I was falling out of love and needed sex. At first I became a stripper. Then your business partner, Regan, saw me and started an escort business. Dad, I'm sorry but you've been living a lie. I told you a thug killed mom, when it was really me all along. I don't remember doing it, but I know it was me. I am so sorry. This is just to tell you I have decided my fate. I am leaving here to leave you all in peace.

With love and regret, Kara.


Henry read it in astonishment. He couldn't figure out what it meant until he heard a thud upstairs. He dropped the note with sudden realization. His legs couldn't push him fast enough up the spiral stairway. The bedroom door was slightly open. Ice slid down his spine as he peered through it. "Kara?" A chair lay awkwardly on the floor. He immediately knew what happened and he couldn't bare took look at her. The rope was the only thing else that was to her limp body. His eyes slid down the thick rope and he saw here face; pale and lifeless.

There were many cuts and bruises. Horrified, he ran to her and loosened the noose. She fell limply into his arms. His wife was dead. He had nothing left but misery. He picked the chair up and made sure it was sturdy.

In the hospital, Henry was answering questions about if his wife wanted to be an organ donor. "Yeah, but she probably can't. She was a drug addict..." he trailed off.
"Oh, I see," the doctor smiled apologetically. Henry never got to say his final goodbye. In fact their last conversation was about her drug addiction.
Last edited by whatevr on Sat Feb 20, 2010 7:10 am, edited 3 times in total.
Literally whatevr




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 2976
Reviews 6
Very good, dude. Very good indeed. Though there are problems that need addressing.

One: Spelling. You've got a good number of spelling errors presented in this writing of yours.
In this letter I am going to confess to every despicable thing I've done

He couldn't figure out what it meant until he heard a thud upstairs.

His legs couldn't push him fast enough up the spiral stairway.

Horrified he ran to her and un-tightened Just wanna say that you could replace that with loosened. Just a thought, that's all the noose. She fell limply into his arms.

He picked the chair up and made sure it was sturdy.

All the corrections that I saw are in red.

Second: Maybe add a little extra length? I don't know what you are doing with this or what you are meaning to do with it, but I just got to wondering after I read it, "What's gonna happen to the husband? What about the buisness partner? What happened to him? And then the father and his murdered wife. What was done about that?" Like
I said before, I don't know what you meant by this writing, but it's good and I like the idea. If you keep writing or adding to this, I'll keep reading. :)
Have you ever seen the things a typing weasel types? No? Then what are you looking at now?

"They say I'm the crazy one, when in truth everyone that works here are the true crazy ones..." ~Quopte from "Madhouse"

"I wanna play a game..." ~From "Saw I-VI"




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 15337
Reviews 126
Hi, PenNPaper here to review!
I am done being a monster

Maybe you would have wanted to add in the word 'with'?
realization. his

'his' should be 'His'.
Ice slid down his spine

Okay, this sounded really weird and a little funny. Were you trying to say 'a shiver slid down his spine'?
but misery. he

Same thing with the capital letter.
She was a drug addict..." he trailed off. "Oh, I see," he smiled apologetically

Was it the doctor who said 'oh, i see' or Henry. Okay, it seems obvious that it should be the doctor but with the he two times it still sounds like Henry.
Overall this story was good, made me feel kind of sad. I don't see how you can see through a bedroom door though.

Good luck and keep writing1 :D
Writing is all about imagination~




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 18529
Reviews 176
Not gonna lie, I liked your first one better.
The letter is just so blunt, that it makes it almost comical. Sorry to say.
Also, when the wife hangs herself, when the husband walks in, the first thing he would see would be her dead body, not the rope.

Cheers,
-Lena
stay gold, ponyboy




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 58538
Reviews 553
Hi Biffle1
Is this the first part?
"Next time you point a finger
I might have to bend it back
Or break it, break it off
Next time you point a finger
I'll point you to the mirror"

— Paramore




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 9561
Reviews 77
Yeah, I guess, this one is better than the original..
Literally whatevr




Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 2931
Reviews 15
It was good. Definitely different. I liked it. Maybe make it a little longer? It was really short. You might could try explaining it a little bit. Otherwise it was good. Keep up the good work! :)
I'll watch the night turn light blue/But it's not the same w/o you/Because it takes 2 to whisper quietly/The silence isn't so bad/Till i look at my hands and feel sad/Cus the spaces between my fingers are right where yours fit perfectly...
"Vanilla Twilight" by Owl City...



Everything is a lot of things!
— Hank Green