17

felt tip fingers, the wondrous

mingling intertwined interlaced

interlocking inserted insecure

sweet anxiety, the thumping chest

arrested soft and sweet his lips so soft

trailing below the lines summer breath

hers exhaled, exhilaratingly painful

intelligibly thrilling unfortunately false

sweet eruption. Failed capture.

I do love the mixture of syntactical style used. The flow of the sentences is very original.
Although I do think that the introduction could have more information.
The grammar does confuse the original idea but at the same time works well with the stylistic feature of the poem. Well done

I loved it. The fast face of it. The flow was great. Perfectly describing teenage lust. Your obviously very talented. What inspired you to write this poem. It immediately caught my attention. All in all I have no criticisms you have done a perfect job with this. Well done!