Daydream

7 posts

How did you like the poem?

  • I hated it - both the story conveyed and the style in which it was written. No votes
  • I liked the story, but not the style. No votes
  • The style was pleasant, but I could care less about the story. No votes
  • I'm rather neutral about it. No votes
  • It looks promising, but it needs a lot of work before I can properly answer. No votes
  • I like both the story and the style, but it needs some minor tweaking. No votes
  • I liked it and would read it again. 83%
  • I can see this poem amongst others in a poetry book or as the narrative for a short. 17%

Total votes: 6

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Gender Female
Points 1762
Reviews 1
Fly away like a bird,
Yet you sit there still.
Your eyes wandering around,
Never to cease.
Your mind drifting away,
Never to be found again.
Your fingers tapping the table,
Bored with the world.
Your lips silent and closed,
Too tired to speak.
Your ears barely listening,
Too many sounds and voices.
Sitting there in your favorite chair,
Losing yourself in a daydream.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1762
Reviews 1
I, like many, am very interested in creating my own book of poetry. I would very much appreciate any an all critiques that you have, as I highly value the critiques of my peers.

Cheers!
Lindsey :D




Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 300
Reviews 0
I don't have any critique for you Lindsey, but I can tell you that I liked it.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1762
Reviews 1




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 240
Reviews 98
This is much better. Not totally energy-sucking.
Although, as it is a poem about doing nothing, there's nothing doing. No interest. No POP. Expand on the poem. Think on the term "daydream" there was no dream there; just what the dreamer looked like to other people. Boring. Give me emotion. Any emotion but love.
Those who dance are thought insane by those who don't hear the music.
Those who fit well into their world don't generally go about changing it.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 4269
Reviews 29
Speechless. That was brilliant. Do it again!!













Cheez!
The Best way to see the future is to create it.If you want to be happy, be.
Life if not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 4269
Reviews 29
Sorry, redo. I can tell you that it was beautifully written. I loved the way you wrote it, and I really want an0other one to feast my eyes upon!
The Best way to see the future is to create it.If you want to be happy, be.
Life if not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.



If writers wrote as carelessly as some people talk, then adhasdh asdglaseuyt[bn[ pasdlgkhasdfasdf.
— Lemony Snicket