The symbol of the Elves (prologue-ch.4)

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Prologue
Dark clouds slowly drift across a full moon. A cool breeze pushes fallen leaves across the dirt pathway. A hooded figure emerges from the shadows and soundlessly heads to an oak with a strange symbol burned into its bark. The creature pulls its hood down to reveal long hair, so blonde it appears silver in the moon light, and unusually pointed ears… that is, unusual if she was human. But she same from a breed far more advanced.
Thunder rumbled in the distance as she traced the dark lines of the symbol with her finger while muttering an ancient chant few but elves knew. Suddenly, she was gone in a burst of white-gold light that neither began nor ended. It was simply there and gone, as was she, leaving behind nothing but footprints in the soft damp earth. But they, too, would disappear before long.

Ch# 1 SilverOak
There were several reasons to celebrate. The most important to most people was that it was Willow’s, the daughter of the chief, Talon, and his wife, Stonna, fourteenth birthday. But, however important that was, Aerian was more excited about Terressa of StoneBrook coming to visit. She was to arrive around midday and stay for a couple of nights.
Terressa of StoneBrook was a skald. She told stories. Terressa had been to practically every elvish and human village between these two seas and told tales. She had been before Chiefs, and Lords, and even before Kings and Queens a time or two. But she always visited SilverOak before turning home. She knew every wood elf there by name, even if she had never met them. But she mainly stopped to visit Aerian. Aerian, the bastard daughter of Talon and Karissa of MoonBlade, was treated as the old woman’s granddaughter by the elders and was, in fact, thought to be such by many of the younger elves in the village.
Aerian quickly dressed in her day clothes and carefully tied back her light gold hair. She listened at the door to see if anyone was around and slipped soundlessly to the outer room of their cottage. She started towards the front door only to hear her step-mom and half-sister talking to a neighbor outside the thin wall. She quickly retreated out the back door and proceeded across the rope bridge linking the platforms scattered among the trees.
As usual, she weaved through the less populated platforms and bridges until she finally got to the entrance of the town. The platform had no buildings and no stands. It had nothing but an oak with the mark of the elves burned into it with hot silver.
“What’s up Airy? Lonely?” a voice says from behind, startling Aerian from her thoughts. She spun around to find Ferrow, the closest “thing” she had to a friend in the village.
“Go away Ferrow. I’m still mad at you,” Aerian stated sourly.
“Come on! I said I was sorry! You know I didn’t mean to!”
“No, I don’t know that. I wouldn’t know that because you do it ALL THE TIME!”
“Exactly, so you should be used to it by know.” Ferrow watched Aerian sit down against the tree and cautiously sat next to her. Her temper was something to watch out for. “It’s not like I told them to say that stuff. It’s just…everyone knows about your parents and some people aren’t nice enough to over look your being a …” He instantly knew he went too far. The only thing worse than being a bastard, was being a whore. Both of which had been mentioned while Aerian was being taunted. Even though Aerian had never met her mother she still would not stand to let people call her a whore.
“Okay, Ferrow either shut-up or leave.” Aerian closed her eyes and let the cool breeze blow over her. She opened one eye to see if he had left or not. Not. Instead, he was watching her. “What Ferrow?”
“I’m sorry. I should have stopped them from saying that stuff. And I should learn to keep my mouth shut. It’s not your fault and you don’t deserve to be teased about it.” He waited a couple minutes, “So am I forgiven?”
“I’ll think about it…” She tried but couldn’t keep from smiling. It was practically impossible to hold a grudge against him. Hell, it was impossible to keep a straight face around him.
Just as he was about to say something else the symbol on the tree started to glow and, in a familiar burst of white-gold light, a frail looking old woman appeared standing beside them. She looked thin and fragile. Like a delicate piece of crystal that if you touched it, it would shatter into a million tiny pieces. But, of course, it was all wrong. She could probably best anyone, man or woman, who was foolish enough to challenge her.

Terressa never was one to hide her opinions of others and since she met Ferrow she didn’t like him. She knew about his friends making fun of Aerian and how he never tried to stop them. The only reason she tolerated him being near him was because for some reason, known only to her, Aerianna accepted him as a friend.
“Ferrow,” she said curtly, “stop mooning. Aerianna, help me carry my satchel to my ‘house’.” She ignored Ferrow’s glare and Aerian’s blush and started walking towards the one roomed cottage she had claimed since she started coming to SilverOak 16 years ago. “Heavens child, you’ve grown since I last saw you.”
“It has been several months since you were last here, Terra,” Aerian exclaimed using her nickname for Terressa from when she was little.
The old woman continued on as if she hadn’t heard her. “And your birthday coming up, is it not? I believe it’s only three days away. My goodness, you’ll be sixteen won’t you. Marrying age. And you’ll be old enough to move out of your father’s home. Maybe come live with me in StoneBrook or visit your mother in MoonBlade. My goodness, you look just like her…” She continued talking oblivious to the fact that Aerian wasn’t listening anymore.
It was always the same conversation. Terressa wanted her to come and live in StoneBrook with her and her granddaughter, Korana. She would then mention her mother and would finish off by telling her how bad a choice she made in befriending Ferrow.
“…and he is so rude. And he needs to cut his hair. You deserve better than to settle for him as a friend.” Terressa stopped to catch her breath. “So what’s new here?”
Aerian didn’t miss a beat. “Not much. As you know, Willow is fourteen today and there are rumors of Lord Dainsworth stopping by on his way to the Isador desert village. About two weeks from yesterday.”
“Then I must be sure to leave before he gets here. I have never met anyone in my life I dislike as much as your uncle. Now, I believe I have some work to do. I will see you tonight at Willow’s celebration.”
“What work do you have? You only just arrived,” she said as he opened the moss-covered door.
“I must speak with your father about…something. You’ll find out soon enough.” Quickly she pushed Aerian out the door and locked it.
Aerian only wondered for a moment about Terressa’s peculiar behavior but quickly discarded it from her mind. On a sudden impulse, she headed for the old oak.

Ch# 2 SilverOak

Everything was different now. The wind was no longer blowing the leaves around and the birds were silent. It was as if the forest had frozen in between breaths, as though something was to happen soon but hadn’t started just yet. A feeling of presentiment hung in the air.

Aerian sat beside Willow staring at the setting sun just beyond the village border. When at last no light could be seen, the celebration began. The bonfire was lit and musicians began to play. As tradition Willow was to have the first dance with any unattached male of her choice.
Willow and Aerian looked very different from each other. Willow had unusually dark hair for an elf and her brown eyes matched her hair almost exactly. Her hair fell just below her shoulders when it wasn’t pulled up like it now. She wore a low cut ball gown the color of moss. However, Aerian’s hair was so light it almost didn’t appear to be blonde. She had it pulled back simply with a sapphire blue ribbon that matched her eyes. Her simple blue dress almost looked like rags compared to Willows, she thought bitterly.
Aerian looked around for Terressa, but she didn’t seem to be at the celebration. For that matter, neither did her father. Without a second thought she went in search of them. She headed to her home, the music fading as she walked. She was about to turn the last corner that led to her house when she was stopped by her father’s harsh voice.
“No. She is not leaving Terressa. I have told you this every time you’ve come since the day she was born.” Her father shouted.
“Talon, you idiot, it is her destiny. If you stop her from leaving He will come here to find here. Dare you risk everyone’s safety because of your stubbornness?”
“She is my daughter. I can protect her.”
“Is that so? How are you going to protect her from Him?”
“I’ll find a way.”
“Face it; you only don’t want her to leave because you won’t be in control of her anymore. Or is it that you don’t want her to meet Karissa?”
“Leave her out of this!” Talon shouted.
“I knew it! Why fight me over this? I will win. It is known by everyone in the village that Willow is your favorite anyways.”
“Leave the village now. And don’t return.”
“I’m not leaving without Aerianna.”
“GET OUT!”
Aerian waited until she heard her father leave before she stepped out from behind the corner.
“What are you waiting for girl? Pack your things and meet me at the oak. We must leave before Talon realizes you’re not with your sister.” She walked away leaving Aerian confused.

He waited until Aerian went inside before following the old woman to the gateway to the world outside the village. He didn’t try to silence his footsteps. She knew he was there, why pretend differently?

Aerian packed an extra outfit and a pair of boots. She hurried to get back to Terressa but paused long enough to grab a cloak. She made her way to the oak, her satin slippers making no sound against the wood. As she neared the oak she saw not only Terressa but also Ferrow.
“What are you doing here?” she asked as soon as she was close enough to be heard without yelling. “Last I saw, Willow was asking you to dance with her.”
“I turned her down when I saw you leave and I followed you.” He glanced at Terressa. “I’m coming with you. You might need my help.”
“Ferrow…”
“Don’t argue with him. I’ve already tried that. He’s made up his mind and there is no changing it,” Terressa said as she gathered her bags from the ground. “Come on…we have to get as far from here as possible before morning.” Ferrow and Aerian nodded and went to stand slightly behind Terressa in front of the symbol on the tree. The symbol of the elves. Terressa traced the silver markings and muttered the incantation quietly. A bright white-gold light surrounded them and as it faded a new unfamiliar place appeared. Instead of wooden floor there was dirt and grass. Instead of cottages were roots. The sound of laughter and music was hidden by the magic that surrounded the now invisible village of SilverOak.
“Come along. We don’t have time to waste. We must get to Camois before morning.”
Without looking back, they walked away from everything they ever knew.

Ch# 3 Forest near MoonBlade
Mikkeal gazed around him. “Where are we going anyways, Karissa? I don’t recognize this place.” He turned and looked at the village healer.
“Just close your eyes and keep walking forward. We’ll get there as soon as you stop peeking.”
“But, I…”
“Don’t try to lie to me and do as I say for once.”
“But, what if I walk into something?”
“Just do it! You will never fulfill your destiny if you don’t start doing as you are told.”
Mikkeal shut his eyes reluctantly. He took a couple steps forward and felt a warm rush of wind run over him. “Can I open my eyes now?’
“FINE! You impatient boy! Look about you and tell me what is before you.”
He slowly opened his eyes and was surprised with what he saw. “I see a field of yellow-green grass and beyond the field is a forest. I feel the wind that pushes around the blades of grass and I smell flowers of which origin I could not tell. I hear…talking. That can’t be right.”
“But it is. Do you see them? There should be an old woman, a young boy and girl your age.”
“Who are they? Why are they so important that you brought me here to see them?” He wanted to turn to her as he asked but he couldn’t take his eyes off the travelers. Something about them intrigued him.
“The old woman is Terressa of StoneBrook. I’m sure you have heard of her. The boy is Ferrow of SilverOak. You might not have heard of him yet but one day everyone will know his name and what he has yet to do.”
He waited but she said no more. “What about the girl? Who is she?”
“Her name if Aerianna. She too is from SilverOak. Tell me, have you heard of the prophecy? It is said that one girl will rise and defeat Thanatos the evil one and take his place in ruling the elvish kingdoms. She is to be the one to unify the realms of all creatures. Not just elves and humans but also the dwarves and fairies and even trolls and dragons. She will not call herself a queen but that is what she is to be. But, however, she knows nothing of what is to be and if she is to find out before her time there shall be grave consequences.”
“Tell me, why is it that you brought me to see this? What does it have to do with me? I can tell by the way you spoke of her and by the look in your eyes that you have a great interest in this girl. But why?”
“I tell you this because you destined to join them. They are not trained to defend themselves and you will become her guard. You will save them countless times and it will be you to teach her how to fight. For without thus knowledge she cannot defeat Thanatos. You ask me why I have taken such an interest in just this girl and not her companions. That is simple...she is my daughter.” With that Karissa fades from his sight and Mikkeal finds himself standing in front of an inn in Camois with a note written on a paper clutched tight in his grasp. “Protect her as best you can. The world depends on her safety.”
“I guess I don’t have much choice in this do I?” he muttered and went inside the inn.

They arrived at an old runned down inn in Camois late that night. “Ferrow, go get two rooms. Hurry back, we have a lot to discuss.” Ferrow went inside.
“Where are we going after this, Terressa?” Aerian asked staring at the pitiful excuse for an inn.
“StoneBrook,” she said curtly. “What is taking Ferrow so long? Aerianna go find out.” She turned and walked towards the stables. Aerian sighed and strode into the main dining room of the inn. She saw Ferrow talking to the inn keeper and proceeded over to them.
“Are you sure you only have one room?” Ferrow asked impatiently.
“Yes. I am quite sure. You would have to share one of the rooms that have two beds with another young man.”
Suddenly, Ferrow turned around. “Aerian, what do you think?”
“I…”
“The young man, he would not trouble you at all. He has only been here a couple days and he seems quite decent. He has helped out quite a bit and I believe my wife is trying to convince him to work here. He will stay out of your way,” the inn keeper paused to catch him breath. “Why there he is now.” He said pointing at the door. They turned to see Terressa and another boy walking towards them.
“Ferrow, have you gotten our rooms yet? Hurry boy. Time is too precious to waste.” She turned to the inn keeper. “We will take the empty room for ourselves and Ferrow will share a room with Mikkeal. Now show us too our room, we have a lot to discuss” He hurried to do as she asked.

“Now that we are alone, shall I begin?” Terressa said once everyone had gathered inside Ferrow and Mikkeal’s chamber.
“You can start off telling us where we are going and why.” Ferrow said quickly. He turned towards Mikkeal, “Who are you and what are you doing here?”
“Mikkeal of MoonBlade. I was sent to protect Aerianna.”
“Protect her from what?” Ferrow asked harshly.
“I am not permitted to tell.”
“Enough! Ferrow check to make sure the door is locked before we continue with our conversation.” Terressa waited until Ferrow returned before she continued, “After we leave here, all four of us are going to Stone Brook. From there, you three will continue on to Jesera. You will meet with an old friend of mine there. He goes by the name of Aimon. He will tell you where to go from there.”
“You’re not coming with us, Terressa?” Aerian asked quietly.
“No, I am not and I do not envy you the journey. Now, although I cannot believe I am saying this but, I believe that we should take a tip from Ferrow and not use our full names. It will be easier for us to go unnoticed. Until we arrive to StoneBrook you should call me Terra, and until this is over with Aerianna will just be Aerian. I believe you boys will be fine using your full names. I also believe you should say you are from Jesera instead of your elvish villages.” She waited until they nodded before standing. “Now I believe it is high time we all go to bed. We rise early in the morning and we have a long day ahead of us.”

Ch. #4 Camois
The three teenagers looked around. “Where is she? I thought we were supposed to leave early,” complained Ferrow.
“She’ll be here any minute. Stop complaining,” Mikkeal said sourly.
“No one asked for your input. I don’t even know why you’re here. No one invited you to come with…”
“Ferrow, shut up.” They turned to see Terressa with three horses. “Are you ready to go?”
“Umm…there are four of us,” Ferrow said cautiously.
“Yes there are. You’re point is?”
“There are only three horses. Someone won’t have a horse.”
“Well I’m going to ride my horse, you’re going to ride a horse, I don’t care which, and Mikkeal and Aerian are going to ride the last horse.”
“But...”
“Yes, get yours on the horse.” She looked around, “my goodness, it is almost luncheon. Hurry up you slow pokes.”
Mikkeal climbed onto the horse. Before realizing what was happening he reached down and lifted Aerian up onto the horse in front of him. He glanced up and caught Ferrow’s glare. He smiled in return.
“Come along, follow me. We have a ways to go,” Terressa said nudging her horse forward. They fell in behind her and began their journey to StoneBrook.

The road soon began to fade and was replaced with lush, green grass. As the day carried on the sky began to grow darker and the autumn air grew cooler. It was cold enough to see you’re your exhaled breath. Aerian felt herself shiver and Mikkeal pulled her closer to him, offering some of his warmth. “Thank you.” She whispered against the cloak she had pulled over her lower face.
“You’re welcome,” He whispered back, “Do you want to stop?”
“Possibly once it gets a bit later.” She yawned. “I don’t want to be a bother.” She laid her head back on his shoulder and let herself fall asleep.
“No bother.” He smiled to himself, “Never.”
“Hey! What are you doing?” Ferrow shouted.
“Shut up! She’s sleeping,” Mikkeal said back in a much quieter tone. “I don’t want you to wake her.” He matched Ferrow’s glare.
“Then maybe we should stop and let her rest.”
“She told me that she wanted us to keep going. We’ll stop when Terressa says to stop. Now turn back around and mind your own business."
Last edited by nanarial on Wed Mar 17, 2010 5:41 pm, edited 4 times in total.




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I thought this was really well writtten and I found only a few nitpicks:

“I’m sorry. I should have stopped them from saying that stuff. And I should learn to keep my mouth shut. It’s not your fault and you don’t deserve to be teased about it.” He waited a couple minutes. “Am I forgiven?”

Instead of using the period before he and after minutes change them to commas.

She is my daughter. I can protect her.”
“Is that so? How are you going to protect her from Him?”
“I’ll find a way.”
“Face it; you only don’t want her to leave because you won’t be in control of her anymore. Or is it that you don’t want her to meet Karissa?”
“Leave her out of this!”
“I knew it! Why fight me over this? I will win. It is known by everyone in the village that Willow is your favorite anyways.”
“Leave the village now. And don’t return.”
“I’m not leaving without Aerianna.”
“GET OUT!”

I think it'd be best add a 'repled' or 'said' here and there in this part. The reader could get a little confused on who is saying what.

“Come along, follow me. We have a ways to go.” Terressa said nudging her horse forward.

Change the second period to a comma.

You’re welcome,” He whispered back. “Do you want to stop?”
Change the period after back to a comma.

OVERALL

You've got a real knack for describing! I was pretty pulled in with this piece and I think if you just go back and edit some of the punctuation errors (I'm pretty sure I didn't name all of them) this could sparkle! :smt002 PM me for anything,
winie*
Sometimes you're the apple, sometimes you're the mouth- me XD



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