Sky of Love-Prologue[WIP]

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Hello Everyone. Its Izumi Ryuichi here posting his first romance (Hopefully this works out). And the name will be changed later on. I would like to thank RainWanderer for helping me in editing this story! So, here it is...

The smell of love and chocolate filled the air of Tokyo. It was Valentines day. Couples walked along the streets showing their affections for each other while others, depressed and disappointed, walked the streets alone, still looking for their missing piece. And Izo Hideki, was one of those people. He sat down on a public bench with a geometry textbook on his lap. With his backpack slouched at his side full of other school materials, he thought of how he never had love. It never seemed to come to him. The only love he ever had, if it could be called love at all, was when he was in first grade with a girl for a week, until she giggled one day saying it was a joke. The joke hurt. He was in tenth grade now, fifteen years old, and still downhearted from his loneliness. The only thing he wanted was to feel the luxurious sensation in his heart and the soft feel of a young beautiful girls lips. He pushed his glasses back in place as he finished writing his notes and flipped his notebook back to the cover. He shoved his books in his bag desperately trying to get them to fit. It was the last day of school and he was ready to go home. Slowly, he stood up and stretched his scrawny body. Sliding his backpacks strap on his shoulder, Izo started for his street.

Valentines Day was always the worst day of the year for Izo. It always reminded him of the soothing sensation he never had to feel. What exactly is love? Izo wondered. Will my soul flutter when my eyes connected with her? What would the warmth of their hands meeting feel like on their first date? A glare shone in Izo’s glasses bringing him back to reality from his fantasies. His heart started to ache as the orange sun above the buildings gradually set below the horizon, dimming the cloudy sky. Little shops around him were filled with boys and girls buying gifts for their loved ones as the street moved to the steps of walking people. Izo walked alone, looking into the store windows letting off a big sigh. This could be worse, he thought. I could be the only one without love, but it seems as if I am. As he walked down the street thinking, Izo ran into the last person he wanted to meet. “Hey shrimp! I thought I’d find you out here!” came a voice from behind. Fearfully, Izo turned around to find his nightmare, Samosu Iduharo and his gang. His body looked as if he was a champion wrestler, which made other kids fear him. He always harassed Izo the most because of his small weak body. To make it worse, Izo wasn’t feeling up to the pain tonight.

“Looks like somebody’s got no girl!” teased the bulky classmate.

“Looks like you don’t have one either,” mumbled Izo trying not to let Iduharo hear.

“Whats that? You making fun of me!” yelled Samosu. Crap. Izo realized those words were going to cost him.

“Lets get this shrimp. I don’t like this kids attitude!” Suddenly the sixteen year old student was speeding at Izo. He readied his fists and swung them at Izo’s head. Knowing that he was going to get hurt anyways, Izo took the hit and was sent soaring backwards onto the pavement landing hard on his back. Blood trickled down his cheek as he painfully got back to his feet. He looked at Iduharo rolling up his sleeves. This is going to be a long night... Izo cursed at himself for provoking Samosu. But instead of standing still, he prepared for the next attack. Again, the giant mass came charging in his direction. By now, people were starting to crowd around and watch what was going to happen. Ten violent knuckles came smashing for Izo, but he simply jumped back and to the side avoiding the attack. Samosu suddenly stopped, and stunned at Izo’s footwork. He looked at his hands and noticed he hadn’t hit anything. A couple of girls in the audience and some boys giggled a little bit as more joined the audience.

Izo’s confidence started to rise a little until Samosu faced him again. Instead of being pale and thin, his face was beet red and bulging. “So you think you’re funny? You little twerp!” he screamed flailing his arms in Izo’s direction. “Watch out Izo!” came a voice from the crowd. This lit up Izo’s face as he noticed the voice was of a girl. In a second, a fist came hammering at his head. Instead of dodging, he dove strait for the body and jabbed the boys chest. He heard a booming groan as he came to a stop and turned around. He saw that Iduharo was on his hands and knees panting. Guess that guy has never been hit before. Gosh, I wish I knew that in the past, Izo thought. He pushed up his glasses as Iduharo slowly stood wheezing. “That's it,” he panted, “get him!”

Suddenly Izo’s arms were grabbed and locked by two other boys. He kicked and squirmed but Iduharo’s lackeys held him still. The crowd went silent as they saw Iduharo heading for Izo with bloodlust in his eyes. A grin appeared on his face as he pulled back his arm. He released all of his strength and sent a blow to Izo’s face. Izo’s brain shook causing more pain to erupt in his head. His glasses flew off his face as he coughed blood out of his mouth. Iduharo repeated this until Izo’s body was limp. Suddenly voices from the crowd started to speak up with “Stop it you monster!” and, “Your gonna kill the guy!”. Eventually the crowd was an uproar and Samosu’s lackeys had to let go of Izo. “C’mon guys, lets get out of here,” growled Samosu as he pushed his way through the crowd. Izo laid on the streets edge, motionless. His mind zoned out and focused on survival. All of the kids on the street backed away slowly not knowing what to do. Eventually, the street was empty except for Izo, lying still and unconscious...

***

Light beamed in Izo’s eyes as the morning sky came into his vision. He turned his head to see the bright sun directly above him. He tried to move his legs but found them to be weak and almost unmovable. His glossy white hair was brown and matted with dirt and gravel. With all his strength, he got to his knees, and eventually to his feet. He trembled but managed to reach his backpack to pick it up. The street seemed almost abandoned except for a couple of people on their morning exercise routines and shop clerks opening up their stores. Izo laid down on the closest bench nearby and tried to sooth his aches and bruises. He flopped his head on his book bag in pain. He rested there and remembered last night : his worst Valentine’s Day. “I guess I’ll never know what love is,” Izo sighed depressed. What had happened last night, was the end to all of his hope. Loneliness shall be my fate forever, or so he thought. He slipped off his jacket an spread it on top of his chest as a blanket. He closed his eyes ready to sleep, and prepared to forget everything, when another person sat down next to his feet...

That's it. Hope you enjoy!
Anime <3




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Hello, darling, Loveless here! How are 'ya doing? Well, enough with the chit-chat, let's get this review rolling.

Plot:
I think the story flow was good, and going at a superb pace. It is difficult to pace your story sometimes, and I just though you did a very good job at it. It's understandable why Izo would have those thoughts about Valentines Day, I hate Valentines Day too! I believe that everyone once in a while one feels as if they are the only lonely ones in the world. Though Izo seems to be the typical sad, loveless, scrawny, bullied guy, I believe you potrayed his emotions, thoughts, and feelings very well.
Questions:
Why did he sleep on the bench? When he was on the ground knocked out why did people just pass him up without trying to help?
Grammar:
You used nice grammar. I mean, it wasn't too simple where I felt this could have been written by a first grader, but it wasn't too much to the point where the choice of words overpowered the whole story. Great job.
Comments:
You left me with a spectacular, and somewhat annoying, cliffhanger! Who sat next to him? I think its a girl -it better be a girl-. Right now as I'm typing I'm playing out possible ways this could be continued. Oh, almost forgot, when someone speaks don't forget parentheses and to start a new paragraph. It helps solve confusion. Well, that's all!

Big kiss, class dismissed! XOXOXO
Muffins 'n' Machine Guns
LoVeLeSs I review short stories and novels.

Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.




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Ok i found a few minor mistakes that will help the story flow better.
1) you say its valentines day and the last day of school, explain that more because valentines day is not the last day of school.
2) you say valentines day has always been sad for him and stuff because he has never had anyone to love, thats saying that when he was like seven he was mourning over not having someone to love? You should say something like since middleschool when everyone seemed to have dates i was stuck datless and mourning or something.

Other than that i think you have done a very good job




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Well thank you LoVeLeSs. I'll be writing the next chapter and ending that torture.
Also, here are the answers to your questions-
He slept on the bench because his body was very weak from being beaten by Samosu and didn't have the energy to make it back to his home.
And nobody helped him because they were scared and confused. When the morning came, by then, people thought he could be a bum. So they didn't bother.

So thanks for the comments and I will improve on the next chapter! See you around.
Anime <3




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Maybe explain why valentines day was the worst for him.
Questions:
Why did he sleep on the bench?
whether they start good or bad, Every good writer starts somewhere




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The whole event happens to him in this chapter and how he was always lonely in Valentine's day(which was also mentioned) are the reasons why that Valentine's day the worst day of the year for him.

He sleeps on the bench, because he is still tired and beat up from what happened to him the day before. So feeling that his body is still aching, he decided to rest some more. Just look up at the post above you.

And I think I still haven't do a good enough job on editing this. :?
Who am I? Just a wanderer, traveling from real life to dreams.

“Writing a book is a very lonely business. You are totally cut off from the rest of the world, submerged in your obsessions and memories.” - Mario Vargas Llosa




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Hey Rain! Thanks for coming. I'm happy you have come from the dead, at least a little bit...
But hey, we tried. I can edit the grammar soon and perfect the chapter even thought I'm writing the next chapters rough. Once done with that, we can touch up on this, and repeat on the next chapter.

And Mackenzie, oh yeah. Rain already answered that
Anime <3




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We need to think of a title!!!
Who am I? Just a wanderer, traveling from real life to dreams.

“Writing a book is a very lonely business. You are totally cut off from the rest of the world, submerged in your obsessions and memories.” - Mario Vargas Llosa




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That is true. But for now, I need your help in what happens next. (I'll talk to you on xfire)
Anime <3



I say, in matters of the heart, treat yo' self.
— Donna, Parks & Rec