Crimson

Fib is an experimental Western poetry form, bearing similarities to haiku, but based on the Fibonacci sequence. That is, the typical fib follow a strict structure. The typical fib is a six line, 20 syllable poem with a syllable count by line of 1/1/2/3/5/8 - with as many syllables per line as the line's corresponding place in the Fibonacci sequence. --- wikipedia

She

Lies

Serene---

A beauty

Bathed in crimson deep

On my white, marbled bathroom floor.


I

Creep

Away

Shuddering

Drenched in crimson deep

On my white, marbled bathroom floor.

Well that was certainly interesting, I can see that the wikipedia definition is right when it likens it to a haiku only like extended. I liked the similarity in it between the 'she' at the start and (I'm guessing) the murderer whose viewpoint its being taken from, that they're both covered in the crimson which I am assuming is blood. Its told a story and yet its charm remains and it is not ruined like some poems sometimes are by the writer going on too much (Ive done that a few times before) Its also simple enough for anyone to understand, apprecite and enjoy

This is interesting! I liked it very much. It's very similar to a haiku, which I enjoy. The imagery you used was vivid and clear to understand. Often times you'll find that people just dump in random adjectives and nouns to create a colorful mess. My favorite part about this, though, was the air of mystery you gave it. I can't quite tell if the woman lying dead on the floor has been murdered or if she committed suicide. Did the other person kill her, or did he simply find her there? And if he did kill her, then why? These kinds of questions can sometimes hinder you and force you to write more or risk confusing everybody reading it, but I think you pulled it off here.

Actually, the only thing I disliked about it was your repetition with the last two lines. I think you need to change those to something else, because we already know that she's bathed or drenched in blood on the floor. The way it is now makes it a bit annoying.

But that was it! Keep up the good work. If you have any questions or would like another review, please don't hesitate to ask me.

-Knightley