The Old Universe collapsed. This wasn't taken well at all by the two contractors who built it."Oh come on! It had another two million years on the clock!", shouted Gravity, angrily.
"I know, but now we might be able to build another, if we get planning permission from the Boss", said Entropy, thoughtfully. Gravity nodded in agreement. So the two builders walked to the council offices of Heaven and got planning permission for their new "Universe".
As they planned it out, the Boss came to them and said,"You need not bother with all of this planning, I have made plans for you" and unfurled the biggest building design in the whole of Creation. "This is interesting", said Gravity and got to work building the First Planet. Entropy fused together the loose rocks, by aging them about three million years. After they had set up the matter, anti-matter, black holes, stars of all kinds and fossils to string together, without getting crushed, they floated to the Boss and said,"OK, it's all set to blow, all you need to do is press this button". The Boss replied,"Listen now, Gravity and Entropy, you are to take care of this Universe to the best of your ability, alright?"
"Fair enough", Gravity replied. The Boss pressed the button. There was a Big Bang and all of the planets aligned themselves accordingly. Gravity and Entropy began to take care of it. But after about ten million years, or centuries(Time wasn't around yet, she was busy somewhere else), Entropy became bored. "Here, Grav, I dare you to put some water on some of the New Planets",
"Actually, that doesn't sound like a bad idea",replied Gravity, knowingly.
So he chose the third planet of every star to put water on to. On the First planet, in a galaxy later known as the "Milky Way" he set to work making it rain. As the oceans developed, however, he inadvertently dropped a jam sandwich on to the planet where it was immediately flooded. Tiny bacteria began to mutate and grow from it...
Gravity did the same on all of the Planets, accidentally dropping parts of his lunch on each of them. "Right", he said,"That's done it".
Entropy, who knew Gravity had dropped his lunch all over Creation, stifled a grin.
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By the time it was lunchtime, Gravity opened his lunchbox and shouted the biggest, loudest swear word in the Universe.
"What are you swearin' at now?!, asked Entropy.
Gravity replied,"You know how you who told me to put water on some of the plants? Well I dropped my dinner on them all! What ever will the Boss do?"
Meanwhile, back on the planet in which Gravity had dropped the Jam Sandwich, tall, bi-pedal apes had suddenly appeared ,after evolving from the bacteria on it, and now were multiplying...
Gravity and Entropy skulked outside His office. The receptionist wasn't very happy.
"Get in there now!", he snapped
"What's your problem,then?", asked Entropy, sarcastically.
Gravity and Entropy were quivering as they went into the office.
"WHAT ARE YOU TWO PLAYING AT, FOR MY SAKE?!", was the first thing they heard as they saw Him.
Gravity stammered,"It was all his idea", and ran out of the office, screaming. "SO, IT IS YOU", He boomed.
"Well...yes", was the reply. Entropy was shocked at the sound of his own voice. It had turned extremely high. "WELL I'M GOING TO...promote you", He replied. Entropy said,"Really?", and fainted when two gigantic eagle wings spread from his back.
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Well, guys, that's the story! Please comment! I hope that this version is better than the last!

Hi there, Skut (mind if I call you that? )

This wasn't took well at all

Taken, it needs to be taken. I've noticed this same problem several times in your writing here; in short, verb tense. That means, if the guy already took the ball then 'he took the ball'. If he is currently taking it right now then 'he is taking the ball'. And if you're somehow pschic and know that he will take that darned ball, then 'he will take the ball'. There are many tenses for verbs, but those are the basic three: past, present and future.

"Oh come on! It had another two million years on the clock!", shouted Gravity, angrily. "I know, but now we might be able to build another, if we get planning permission from the Boss", said Entropy, thoughtfully. Gravity nodded in agreement. So the two builders walked to the council offices of Heaven and got planning permission for their new "Universe".

Notice how you write their dialogue? Well you didn't do it very well . You need a new paragraph for every bit of speech a character does. This sorts out their words so you don't confuse it with another character's dialogue or with the rest of the story. See this:

"Oh come on! It had another two million years on the clock!", shouted Gravity, angrily.
"I know, but now we might be able to build another, if we get planning permission from the Boss", said Entropy, thoughtfully.
Gravity nodded in agreement. So the two builders walked to the council offices of Heaven and got planning permission for their new "Universe".

Remember, if you have it as "Blahblahblah," said someone. "Blahblahblah." then don't put the next quote on a new paragraph, because the same person is speaking.

But enough on grammar. I like your little bit:

(time wasn't around yet, she was busy somewhere else)

But it sounds like you're referring to time as a person, in which case it should be capitalized. Time.

"Even the storyteller's disgusted, aren't you?", Well ,actually , you're not supposed to know this is a story! Now you've gone and confused the reader! Anyway, back to the story.

You may have thought this was funny, but it comes across as slightly weird. I've read stories in which the author and characters communicate, but it happens normally throughout the whole story; for you to insert this one-time thing throws the story off and, yes, it does confuse the reader.

Meanwhile, back on the planet in which Gravity had dropped the Jam Sandwich, tall, bi-pedal apes had suddenly appeared out of nowhere and now were multiplying...

You're referring to evolution here, but it should start out as tiny, single-celled bacteria, not from a jam sandwich and then straight to apes. However, if you want to keep it as a bit of humor, you probably could.

and fainted when to gigantic eagle wings spread from his back.

I love how you introduce the idea of being promoted! Kinda 'gaining his wings', I suppose. 'To' should be 'two' though.

Oh and I apologise in advance if I offend anybody.

DO NOT APOLOGIZE!! Ahem, excuse me for the outburst.
What I was saying was that your writing is your writing and nobody can do a danged thing about it. What you're looking for is criticism (to strengthen the story) and compliments (to boost your morale) but don't ever ask for forgiveness. People who feel offended by this should take their offense and screw themselves, seriously.
By the way, I don't believe in evolution, but had no problem at all with this story. Quite frankly, I rather liked it and would very much like to read more.
Please do edit it though.
~Jenth.

Thank you for the critism and I will get to work editing this story. I wasn't sure of the interruption, either.

Christianity + Big Bang Theory = Okay. Though you are being far to simplistic for the utter grandeur which exists. You could make an entire story instead of a comical blurb. Expand as did the universe. Besides, the good parts were far too short.

I think I made a mistake in posting this one. I am quite afraid that I might get stamped as a bad writer for this one...

Seeing as though this is a very old one, I shall lock it!