The Anarchy Part 2

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This is the second part to The Anarchy that you will have to read first in order to get this part.


Rina walked home since the bus wasn't operational that late at night. By the time she had reached her house, the crack of dawn was beginning to light up the sky. Rina grabbed the key and set to work on the many locks.

Finally the last one clicked open and Rina gingerly stepped into the house, shut and locked the door, and walked into the kitchen as quietly as she could. The floor boards creaking under her feet. She opened the medicine cabinet to get something to treat her wounds.

Suddenly the light flipped on and Rina spun around to see her mother standing in the doorway with worry etched on her face.

"Rina, where have you been? I've been worried sick!" Cried her mother with an edge of anger to her voice.

Rina knew she could never tell her mother where she had really been because her parents were part of a movement to end the Secrete Keepers and all who searched for the truth. Her mother and father had been brainwashed like the most of the parents by the promise of power. "I was out with some friends," mumbled Rina as casually as she could.

Her mother pressed her fingers to her forehead and squeezed her eyes shut, "Please don't tell me it was another one of those murder mystery parties." She sighed.

Rina thought Back to her first murder mystery party. The murder mystery part meant that someone actually had to be murdered, for real. She shuddered remembering the vote to see who got to be murdered.

The sick part was both of the victims wanted to be murdered. Then after the vote, someone turned out the lights and The person who was to be murdered would go around the room and tap someone on the head. That was the person who had to kill them.

Rina could still remember gripping the knife in her hand that everyone had received as a party favor and praying that she wouldn't be picked to be the murderer. She also remembered how her veins turned to ice as she heard the horrified scream and the thump of the dead body as it hit the floor. Tears

had spilled out uncontrollably as she stared at the dead face of the victim twisted in pain. She pushed the thoughts out of her head.

"No, we were just studying," She finally said, even though she knew her mother wouldn't believe her. No one studied these days. It was amazing school still existed after everything that had happened.

Surprisingly, her mother just shook her head and and sighed. "As long as your you're safe, Jeff's parents said Jeff never made it home the other night and they found his dead body in the street right by that old museum. Everyone is losing their kids these days."

Rina was suddenly interested. Could there be more truth seekers out there besides her she and her friends? "How did he die?" she asked already knowing the answer.

"A local police chief mistook him for one of those awful Secrete Keepers even though I'm pretty sure their they're extinct. They were angry because he was snooping around their museum." She said shaking her head.

And I was just there, thought Rina.

Her mother suddenly glanced at Rina's shoulder. "What happened to you!" she cried, rushing over.

"Oh nothing I fell down some stairs on my way home, it's just a scratch," she lied. It actually hurt very badly, but she wrapped it up as quickly as she could.

"That doesn't look like a scratch to me, it looks like someone burnt a hole right through your shoulder!" Her mother said suspiciously.

"I'm fine mom, just leave me alone," said Rina, stomping out of the room. Rina glanced back.

Her mother sat down at the table with her head in her hands and let out a tired sigh.

Rina felt pity for her but shook it off quickly. "She wouldn't understand anyway," She told herself. Rina tiredly climbed the stairs to get to her room, thrust herself onto her bed and instantly regretted not being able to sleep that night. Her hazel eyes felt heavy and her body was weak.

But, she had to get ready for school.
She only had three pairs of clothes so she grabbed the one that she hadn't worn recently and set to work on her mess of dirty blond hair. Her jeans were ripped, her t-shirt had Tuesday's pizza on it, and her eyes had bags under them, but besides that she thought she had freshened up nicely. She headed down the stairs to grab a quick bit of breakfast.
Her father sat at the table with a newspaper in one hand and a cracked coffee mug in the other. The headline read "Stock Market Has Officially Closed And Terrorists Take Over The Money Plan" Rina sighed and poked her head into the almost empty refrigerator. She grabbed what looked like a half good apple and headed out the door. "Bye mom, Bye Dad!" she called. Her dad gave his usual grunt in reply.

At the bus stop Rina sat down and tried to work on her Algebra homework, but she kept thinking about the night before. Pennet showed up looking even more exhausted than Rina. His Usually bright blue eyes were a stormy gray and his clothes were the same ones he had worn before. " Hey," said Rina.

"Hey," mumbled Pennet.

"Did you get caught?" Asked Rina.

"No, my parents were out at the bar drinking themselves into oblivion," He replied.

Trisella and Ne'car walked up to them from out of the haze that covered the city. Ne'car looked like he hadn't slept for days and was ready to pounce, and Trisella's Parents were one of the few people left in town with money. Despite looking tired, Trisella looked like a show girl with her half cut Turquoise Tank top and short jean skirt.

Just then the bus pulled up and they all piled up onto the bus. Everyday it seemed like someone else was missing. Today Rina noticed Jeff's absence the most. They had almost made it to the school. They passed by New Hope Church like they did every morning, but this morning something was very wrong. People were rushing out into the parking lot and the church was burning.

The bus driver stopped. "Let's see if we can help," He said in his baritone voice.It wasn't supriseing that he offered to help. Fire Fighters were so busy these days that there were never anyone extra ones to spare.There were only a few people who would be ready and willing to help in times of need and this bus driver was one of them. All the kids climbed out, and everyone pitched in to drag bodies out of the church.

Rina was taking one final look around when she saw an arm sticking out from under a pile of crumbled burning wood. "I need a little help over here!" she called and ran to pull the person out. No one came to help her, so she set to work on pushing the wood away from the body. It was tedious, but she finally pulled it away from the burning debris.

It was a man who was clutching a Bible to his chest. He coughed and blood spurted out of his mouth. He was still alive. "Help!" cried Rina desperately. "He's still alive!" The man turned his head towards her and weakly said, "Don't waste your breath, I'm not going to make it. Just listen, do you want to know why they burned this church?"

Rina nodded her head, anticipating the answer.

"It's because we have the ultimate secrete. One Man said it all. This man Alexis de Tocqueville said that, 'America is great because she is good. If America ceases to be good, America will cease to be great.' The Secretes are in here," he said pointing to his Bible. "Take it and finish what I began," He said. Then with one last painful breath he died, leaving Rina with the ultimate secrete...
Last edited by servant4christ on Wed Feb 10, 2010 3:34 am, edited 3 times in total.
Sometimes you've just got to accept the way things are and move on, but not us...




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Wow, that was one big block of text. It is much too overwhelming. Here allow me to suggest how to break it up.

Rina walked home since the bus wasn't operational that late at night. By the time she had reached her house, the crack of dawn was beginning to light up the sky. Rina grabbed the key and set to work on the many locks.

Finally the last one clicked open and Rina gingerly stepped into the house, shut and locked the door, and walked into the kitchen as quietly as she could. The floor boards creaking under her feet. She opened the medicine cabinet to get something to treat her wounds.

Suddenly the light flipped on and Rina spun around to see her mother standing in the doorway with worry etched on her face.

"Rina, where have you been? I've been worried sick!" Cried her mother with an edge of anger to her voice.

Rina knew she could never tell her mother where she had really been because her parents were part of a movement to end the Secrete Keepers and all who searched for the truth. Her parents mother and father had been brainwashed like the most of the parents by the promise of power. "I was out with some friends," mumbled Rina as casually as she could.

Her mother pressed her fingers to her forehead and squeezed her eyes shut, "Please don't tell me it was another one of those murder mystery parties." She sighed.

Rina thought Bach to her first murder mystery party. The murder mystery part meant that someone actually had to be murdered, for real. She shuddered remembering the vote to see who got to be murdered.

The sick part was both of the victims WANTEDwanted to be murdered. Then after the vote, someone turned out the lights and The person who was to be murdered would go around the room and tap someone on the head. That was the person who had to kill them.

Rina could still remember gripping the knife in her hand that everyone had received as a party favor and praying that she wouldn't be picked to be the murderer. She also remembered how her veins turned to ice as she heard the horrified scream and the thump of the dead body as it hit the floor. Tears

had spilled out uncontrollably as she stared at the dead face of the victim twisted in pain. She pushed the thoughts out of her head.

"No, we were just studying," She finally said, even though she knew her mother wouldn't believe her. No one studied these days. It was amazing school still existed after everything that had happened.

Surprisingly, her mother just shook her head and and sighed. "As long as your you're safe, Jeff's parents said Jeff never made it home the other night and they found his dead body in the street right by that old museum. Everyone is losing their kids these days."

Rina was suddenly interested. Could there be more truth seekers out there besides her she and her friends? "How did he die?" she asked already knowing the answer.

You seem to have trouble properly lacing the quotation marks. :P "A local police chief mistook him for one of those awful Secrete Is it supposed to be spelled that way? :? Keepers even though I'm pretty sure their they're extinct. They were angry because he was snooping around their museum." She said shaking her head.

And I was just there, thought Rina. I fixed that for you. :D

Her mother suddenly glanced at Rina's shoulder. "What happened to you!" she cried, rushing over.

Always bring down a different characters actions down a line. "Oh nothing I fell down some stairs on my way home, it's just a scratch," she lied. It actually hurt very badly, but she wrapped it up as quickly as she could.

"That doesn't look like a scratch to me, it looks like someone burnt a hole right through your shoulder!" Her mother said suspiciously.

"I'm fine mom, just leave me alone," said Rina, stomping out of the room. Rina glanced back.

Her mother sat down at the table with her head in her hands and let out a tired sigh.

Rina felt pity for her but shook it off quickly. "She wouldn't understand anyway," She told herself. Rina thrust herself onto her bed and instantly regretted not being able to sleep that night. Whoa, that was very sudden! When did she get in her room? :P Her hazel eyes felt heavy and her body felt weak. You have "felt" twice in one sentence, I strongly suggest you change one.

But, she had to get ready for school.
She only had three pairs of clothes so she grabbed the one that she hadn't worn recently and set to work on her mess of dirty blond hair. Her jeans were ripped, her t-shirt had Tuesday's pizza on it, and her eyes had bags under them, but besides that she thought she had freshened up nicely. She headed down the stairs to grab a quick bit of breakfast. Excuse me, but when did she fall asleep and wake up? Missing details. :?
Her father sat at the table with a newspaper in one hand and a cracked coffee mug in the other. The headline read "Stock Market Has Officially Closed And Terrorists Take Over The Money Plan" Rina sighed and poked her head into the almost empty refrigerator. She grabbed what looked like a half good apple and headed out the door. "Bye mom, Bye Dad!" she called. Her dad gave his usual grunt in reply.

At the bus stop Rina sat down and tried to work on her Algebra homework, but she kept thinking about the night before. Pennet showed up looking even more exhausted than Rina. His Usually bright blue eyes were a stormy gray and his clothes were the same ones he had worn before. " Hey," said Rina.

"Hey," mumbled Pennet.

"Did you get caught?" Asked Rina.

"No, my parents were out at the bar drinking themselves into oblivion," He replied.

Trisella and Ne'car walked up to the from out of the mist. What? :?: Ne'car looked like he had Did you mean "hadn't"? slept for days and was ready to pounce, and Trisella's Parents were one of the few people left in town with money. Despite looking tired, Trisella looked like a show girl with her half cut Turquoise Tank top and short jean skirt.

Just then the bus pulled up and they all piled up onto the bus. Everyday it seemed like someone else was missing. Today Rina noticed Jeff's absence the most. They had almost made it to the school. They passed by New Hope Church like they did every morning, but this morning something was very wrong. People were rushing out into the parking lot and the church was burning.

The bus driver stopped. "Let's see if we can help," He said in his baritone voice. All the kids stepped climbed Pick only one please. out, and everyone pitched in to drag bodies out of the church.

Rina was taking one final look around when she saw an arm sticking out from under a pile of crumbled burning wood. "I need a little help over here!" she called and ran to pull the person out. No one came to help her, so she set to work on pushing the wood away from the body. It was tedious, but she finally pulled it away from the burning debris.

It was a man who was clutching a Bible to his chest. He coughed and blood spurted out of his mouth. He was still alive. "Help!" cried Rina desperately. "He's still alive!" The man turned his head towards her and said weakly. weakly said, "Don't waste your breath, I'm not going to make it. Just listen, do you want to know why they burned this church?"

Rina nodded her head, anticipating the answer.

"It's because we have the ultimate secrete. Once again. Is that how it is spelled in your part of the world? One Man said it all. This man Alexis de Tocqueville said that, 'America is great because she is good. If America ceases to be good, America will cease to be great.' The Secretes :?: are in here," he said pointing to his Bible. "Take it and finish what I began," He said. Then with one last painful breath he died, leaving Rina with the ultimate secrete...


I loved the burning church thing, but would a bus driver just randomly stop and order his kids to assist in doing a fireman's job? I mean, that just sounds not possible at all. Apart from that detail you have an interesting story here. Just work out the grammar mistakes.

- :smt059
Last edited by AspiringAuthorA..M. on Mon Feb 08, 2010 5:12 am, edited 1 time in total.
"Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”
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I did some editing to my story. I'm not sure about the spelling of secrete but I'm going to leave it the way it is for now because according to the spelling and grammar check it is okay. Thank you for your help and please continue to critique my work. Anything is helpful... I'm not the best at grammar and punctuation...okay I'm horrible :wink:
Sometimes you've just got to accept the way things are and move on, but not us...




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Post the next part and I will look into it. :wink:
"Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”
-John 11:25-26




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I love it. I like how you finished the story and your description of the characters. I saw a couple spelling mistakes, but I don't have time to point them out now.
Can't wait to read more! :D
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