Here is chapter one of a story I have just started working on. I hope you enjoy it.
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An ancient forest was lit by glimmering white lights that hovered above a lake that was hidden in the forest. No one knew what they were, but they had been there for as long as men had dwelled in the region. The lake gleamed as the lights glow pierced its magnificent waters. A nearby village lay seemingly asleep in the cradle of the forest, but something stirred in the restless valley. A hawk soared from the village, flying towards the lake that bordered the forest. Its sharp eyes detected all, even those who wished to remain unseen. Circling in the air, it scanned the lakeshore and the underbrush.
Suddenly the creature veered from its course. He had spotted his prey. With fiery speed it dove upon the one in hiding. The bird smashed into the muddy earth. Glancing up the hawk saw a figure running into the forest. A screech of pain erupted from its beak as it folded its wings. The wings became arms, his talons grew into long, slender legs. His beak shrunk into his head and formed a face.
The boy looked up from the patch of mud cursing his horrendous aim. His blond hair was caked with dirt and grime, and his moon shaped face was bruised and cut. Standing up he looked at his chest, his red tattoo of a hawk was beginning to fade. Slowly it shrunk into a scar.
Crouching, he gazed into the forest. His eyes followed the figure who was now stumbling through the forest. He stood up, smiling at the girl who fled from him.
“She will understand soon enough,” He said peering towards the little village.
~~~
Rachel peered around the side of a tree. She looked up into the air, searching for the shape of a hawk. When it had smashed into the ground right by her head, she had ran as fast as her long legs could carry her. Still panting from the run, she rested her back against the old, haggard tree, confident she had lost her pursuer. The underbrush grew up above her ankles and made it difficult to run fast without tripping. After glancing back, seeing no one was following, she began walking towards the secluded village she lived in.
Rachel fumbled with the latch on the garden gate. She brushed the twigs out of her dark brown hair as she slid the gate door open. Quietly she slipped between the various plants, edging towards the window she had left open. Her small fingers brushed the rough, brick wall of the house until she touched the window sill. Without a sound she climbed through hoping that no one had noticed her absence.
Her feet touched her hardwood floor softly, but right as she entered a lantern was lit and she stared into the smiling face of her father. He had the same almost black hair as his daughter, but with gray touches of time. He had a tall, slim build. His deep, brown eyes seemed to see through the heart of Rachel.
“How was the lake?” He said, laughing.
She stared at him for a moment trying to decide whether to tell him about the attack.
“It was beautiful. Mom would have loved to see it,” She said, smiling sheepishly.
“Yes she would have, but you should get to bed,” He said, ruffling the hair of his fifteen year old daughter.
Rachel nodded, and he blew out the lantern on his way out of her small room. It was furnished with her bed, a nightstand that held a lantern, and a desk that was overflowing with stories and old ideas. She slipped into some a woolen nightgown, and climbed into her bed.
She turned over looking at the window still trying to think of what could have nose dived into the mud. She gazed intently at the forest she had come out of, then something burst from the trees, speeding over the village. The shrill cry of a hawk echoed through the air.
A thud on the roof brought chills down her spine. The scraping of talon across the shingles did not ease the tension. Suddenly the steps became heavier, and she jumped from her bed. The sound grew nearer to her window as she fled from her room.
“Father, something is after me!” She cried, running down the hall and into his room.
She collapsed in her fathers arms when she entered his plainly decorated room. She glanced up at his concerned face wishing now she would have told him about what happened at the lake. He stood up embracing her.
“Now, what is all this about?” He asked, lovingly.
“Something is on the roof, I think it followed me from the lake,” She said, trembling.
“You mean the hawk? I heard it outside. It probably just landed on our rood,” He said, looking at the ceiling like he would see it through the roof.
“It attacked me at the lake too. It fell into the mud right in front of me,” She said, looking back at her window.
Peering into her fathers face she could see he was deep in thought.
“He has found you, after all these years he returns to us,” Her father muttered as if in a trance.
“Father! What are you talking about?” She cried.
He came out of his distant state and answered, “You have to go, now!”
“Father, what is going on?” She said, beginning to cry.
“There is no time for explanation. You must go! Not to the woods, go to Kasch, three miles west towards the valley. I will meet you there,” He said, opening his ground level window.
“I don’t understand,” She said
“Go now! To Kasch now!” He cried, pushing her through the window.
She crawled through the window and sprinted west. Not daring to look back she ran as fast as she could.
~~~
“Listen, old man. Where did she go? I want answers now!” Kade shouted.
The frightened man trembled as he backed to the wall.
“She hasn’t been here since lunch,” Andor said, trying to sound calm.
“I don’t want any games. I’ve searched for her since she was born! Now tell me where she’s going, or, I swear, I will gut you like a pig,” He spat.
“I told you, I don’t know,” He cried.
“Brave move. When I find her, I’m going to tell her how you begged for mercy as I cut your throat,” Kade said flashing a knife.
Andor dove to the side grabbing a dagger from his nightstand. Kade’s smirked and mover forward. Andor leaped to meet his opponent, but Kade stepped aside and kicked him in the ribs. The old man lay near the wall grabbing his side. Kade slowly approached the groaning man. Violently lifting him by his collar he held him in the air and viciously plunged the metal blade through his abdomen.
The lifeless body hit the ground, blood oozing from under his shirt.
“Humans, think they are brave. I’ve seen squirrels put up better fights,” Kade muttered to himself.
He knelt to the ground, his arms shrinking into brown, feathery wings. Soon he was flying in the quiet night air. He cursed himself for not nabbing her at the lake. Deciding he would search in the morning he turned east towards the green country of his people.
Hehe, I've done that before! I'm talking about the part where you put a comma before and after the 'or'. It should be like this: 'Now tell me where she's going, or I swear I will gut you like a pig.' You don't need all those commas.
