Fallen Angel Halo

Fear possesses me be silent,
As his fevered lips kiss me
Lightly like butterflies,
Longing and desire shines as he
Eyes me lovingly, tenderly,
No hatred shown in his soft hands.

Angels are pure,
Not even sinned once.
Gabriel is coming to me,
Ever so softly to my climax,
Love engulfs me.

How could a mere mortal love
A beautiful Fallen Angel like him?
Love is a forbidden fruit,
Our forbidden fruit.

I wrote this as it came to me, and I have yet to edit it. However, I would like you all to review it and consider whether it passes as a short love poem. If it is too out of order, then please tell me, as I have only started writing poems like these, this being my third attempt.

Thankyou

Fantasydotcom

Hi Fantasy, Very good, I liked you poem, short and sweet. I however think the use of commas would enhance its expression. Anyway I'm new to the creative writing as well. I liked in anyway. Anchees

Lightly like butterflies

Watch your spelling.

The ending felt very abrupt and inconclusive. There was no sense of it being the end. I'm also wondering where the fear the narrator felt at the beginning of the poem went and why they felt fear in the first place. I'm also a bit puzzled why you used Gabriel out of all the angels and what the angels being sinless bit is doing in the poem when it is about a fallen angel.

Hey tarryn!!! I really like your poem!!! Definitely reminds me ofthe stuff you do at writers club .

I like your rhyming too!!! I'm rubbish at reviews so I just give good comments

iCarlyfan wrote:Hey tarryn!!! I really like your poem!!! Definitely reminds me ofthe stuff you do at writers club .

I like your rhyming too!!! I'm rubbish at reviews so I just give good comments

Thanks Lizzie.
But you've got to admit, that this is one of my worst ones, compared to the other ones. I wrote this on the spur of the moment, and thought to post it to see what people thought of it.

Must say though, that I do agree with the comments given about my poem.

If I find it, I'll stick Rose Buds on here soon. Last time I checked, Vicki had all my poems.

Thankyou all for commenting on my poem - It really helps!

Fantasydotcom

Tar, I have really got to say that I like this poem! I am not just saying that because I am your friend, I just like it. It's not like many fallen angel works that I have read, they usually concentrate on the evil, but this piece concentrates on the love. That makes it special!