Gray

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Last edited by fiction903 on Thu Feb 11, 2010 8:53 pm, edited 2 times in total.




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I really like this poem! What I enjoy is trying to figure out what you could be describing. Good personificatoin of whatever it is though! :D

Need a space after the comma. I also would add some punctuation to then end of the lines. Just some simple commas would do the trick. :)
"The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is comprehensible." — Einstein




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I really like the way this poem is going, but it ends too abruptly, add some more to it! You could tell why you think the rain is raging, or what it wants to understand- or... something like that :lol: !

I'd love to read more!

~Mel
"Don't say 'the old lady screamed'- bring her on and let her scream." -Mark Twain

Writing is like traveling- you never know what's going to happen until you get there.




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I have no idea what it's supposed to mean it's a tiny little color poem I put together in literally two minutes because I was board. I thought it would be fun to leave it up to interpretation. I guess I can add to it if you want me to.




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Hey, if you don't want to add more, then don't!

I really don't like it when someone asks me to write more of a thing that I'd rather just let alone- I'm just saying that if you DO write more, I'd love to read it! ^_^

~Mel
"Don't say 'the old lady screamed'- bring her on and let her scream." -Mark Twain

Writing is like traveling- you never know what's going to happen until you get there.




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I really liked this poem; I guess that's because how short it was. It was completely vague and left it on a loose end for interpretation. Also, I like how you didn't use the word grey at all during this poem, all-in-all it's short and sweet and to the point.
Look forward to reading more of your work...
Erin
liquid sunshine isnt meant to be kept in a jar, but printed onto pages




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This was really nice. Very nice images of turbulent emotions and weather.

Every word felt well placed. I like the philosophical elements and the overall sparse quality. Truly, this was wonderful to read.

Thank you for sharing this with us. See you around.

–antimelrose
Sabbatical isn't the right word, but it almost is.
loves like a hurricane/i am a tree/bending the weight of his wind and mercy/dcb
grace finds beauty in everything... makes beauty out of ugly things/U2




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Hi fiction903

I thought that your poem was really good. The imagry was great and so was the language and fluidity. Very few writers have good fluidity when writing poems. The only problem I had with this poem was that it could have used more punctuation between lines. Other than that I think you have done a great job and I look forward to seeing more of your work.
-matt :D




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I kind of get it- It makes me wonder what came down on you. I think you did use some good imagery.It is very cool:) I like your writing. It is very simple yet meaningful. Keep writing! I'll read your other one now! :mrgreen:
~ Pacific
Come sail the stars with me
Through the sky not through the sea
Come sail the stars with me
Take me hand and make believe
Come sail the stars with me
Through the sky not through the sea
Come sail the stars with me
Take me hand and make believe
~JT Lloyd




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it's horrible
and there is nonthing els to say about it.
sorry but its the truth :? it was painfull to read!!!



Every time I’ve gotten feedback that was hard to take it was usually hard to take because there was truth in it and I didn’t like that (or didn’t want to receive it). That’s not to say all harsh feedback is good or that we should be harsh for harshness’ sake, but learning to absorb truth without letting it break your inner core/break you is a lifelong skill that keeps your mind elastic and open to learning.
— soundofmind