Last edited by Katriona on Sat Apr 17, 2010 6:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.
~Christ's Servant
How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him that bringeth good tidings, that publisheth peace; that bringeth good tidings of good, that publisheth salvation; that saith unto Zion, Thy God reigneth! Isaiah 52:7
I'm guessing there's a reason you made this short. Not much happened but that doesn't matter.
I need to get ready for the reporter.
Huh? What reporter? Was this mentioned earlier and I missed it? And:
David glanced at his watch. 9:30!
How does he know when the reporter is coming? Or is that someone else?
As you can see I'm slightly confused. Your writing style is clear and enjoyable most times. But you're not telling us readers enough about David's world. What is going on here? Is there some kind of dispute between two groups? Where and what is his work? I'm hoping this will all tie together soon. Keep up the good writing!
~ Crazy
Looking for someone who won't disappoint you? Look to Jesus.
A comma should follow after 'all', and if that's the case 'He' should be 'he'. Okay, good story here, descriptions are a tiny weeny little. I just don't feel the scene as much as I should be. Also describe the setting at the TV.
Well that's all for the pinpoints and all that, have fun writing!
