thought it might help . . . .

hey, some of you have probably seen my prologue "bigger meanings". to help you visulize jensey, i decided to post the first decription i have of her. my book is in first person but every now and then, i switch it to the other main characters view, and this is his. . .
soft sapphire eyes framed by strong, dark, arching eyebrows blinked slowly in the half-light of dawn. her crooked smile hung slightly as she said, in her slight, unknown accent "umm, hi." he smiled foolishly "sorry, my name is, er, lyon."
"nice to meet you lyon, now can i go get my food?"
he started and moved his bulk from the doorway, blushing a brilliant crimson.
she cast him a look over her shoulder as she went "your welcome to join me."
lyon grinned "yeah, i think i will, thanks."

[quote="Wolfdaemon"] "yeah, i think i will, thanks."
[/quote

You need to put your capitals in, and after each speech it is a comma not a full stop.
other than those nitpicks... its good.

But, remember. In your first chapter, you always have to let the read know what they are in for in they keep on reading.

Good luck with your writing.
Kayla

thanks i love descriptions. hahaha

I loved this! haha it really shows the awkwardness two people have when they first meet and kind of like each other. Well, at least the guy likes the girl. =) you could have added a few more descriptions in there, maybe describing where they were, but if this was just an excerpt then i'll be waiting to read more. =)

Hey there,

This was really short, and I guess it did the job, but maybe adding more would be even better. Like someone before me said, capitals are important and make reading it a lot easier. Other than that, there isn't much to say. X)

~~

Wow. Nice description of the girl. It creates a great image.
You should write some more like that.
It is hard to describe the character if they speak in first person.

X BlackRose X