The Slick Floor chapter 4

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Chapter 4
Darkness envelopes me, it pulls me under its wicked cape. A sweet feeling of floating then I awake, my mind is blurred, and it feels like I’ve slept for 12 hours straight then stood up too quickly. The only difference is I’m in fact not standing I’m tied tightly to a straight metal pole that’s positioned behind me. The ropes seem to tear into my hands etching the rope lines into my wrists. Against my better judgment I try to open my eyes and am successful but a blind fold is in the way of my sight. Before my thoughts seem to comprehend the danger I’m truly in, I hear a door open and heavy footsteps shuffle towards me.
Rough hands remove my blindfold, and untie my wrists. Opening my eyes I stretch my hands and rub the raw flesh where the rope was cutting into my skin. Still sitting on the ground I see a man observing me quietly; my body reacts before my brain. Launching myself at him I rake my fingernails over his cheek and grab a fistful of his hair. I tell myself to not let go but he manages to tear me off of him, his cheek is bleeding. This observation makes me smile and struggle even more but he just holds on tighter, cussing under his breath. Two men come into through the door; pulling me off of him they tie me back to the pole. The man who I attacked is patting his cheek with a wet cloth. A crazed laugh escapes my lips, the man looks at me and I brace myself for him to strike me but he only smiles and laughs. His blue eyes crinkle in an amused hateful glare.
Walking towards me he drags a chair and sits down next to me. “My name is Sam,” he says “you’re here because your parents are the wealthiest people in this side of town, and there the only rich ones with a pretty 15 year old daughter.” He says this with no emotion in his face, wow he really goes right to the point. My mind is reeling and the ethereal they forced over my mouth, is still in my veins. The world blurs a bit and my head droops back, Sam stands up immediately and walks out the door.
Closing my eyes I wish to be home, back in my room under my heaping pile of comforters. I hear the door open, peeling my eyes back apart I see Sam with a needle in his hands. “Oh no please don’t, I don’t want to go to sleep again,” I scream thrashing around my body as best I can. He still injects it into my veins but instead of my mind going blank, my mind stops blurring and my vision clears. “What was that,” I question. Providing me with no answer he says “You’ll stay in this room until we get the money from your parents, which will most likely be in a couple of weeks. I don’t want you attacking everyone who steps into this room or you will be punished, I don’t want you trying to run away or I will have to keep you tied to that pole for the remainder of your visit, I simple don’t have enough time for your games.
I take a breath “am I really just visiting, or am I here till you kill me.” Saying these words I understand why this was the very first question that came to my mind, I truly don’t want to die I just wanted my parents to understand that they didn’t have to send me to some 50,000 dollar high school.
Sam seems to think about this question for a few moments, and then he walks towards me and tilts my chin up so I’m looking into his eyes. Trying to turn away I can’t, my chin is in a vise grip between his two hands. Staring into my eyes he repeats, “Till they supply the money.” Exasperated, I close my eyes and refuse to look at him, tapping my chin a few times he lets go and walks gracefully out of the room. Leaving me dumbstruck and tied to a pole, with an aching ankle and the world’s biggest migraine.
Chapter 5
For hours and hours I’m tied to that pole, my bladder feels about ready to explode, and my face is dewed with sweat. As I sit there I hear commotion through the door, but nobody provides me with attention. My head is still pounding a vicious beat; after Sam shot that syringe into my veins it worked really well and cleared my mind. But it worked for only a matter of minutes then it slowly wore off leaving me with a painful escalating headache. Now my ankle is hurting as well, I can see the swelling from where I sit. They must have taken my shoes before they brought me in here or something. The color is now a slight purple, it’s most likely sprained which would explain how I could barely hold my body up when they snatched me off the street.
The door suddenly swings open violently and there standing in the door way are three men: Sam, the man with dreads who captured me and a new man I’ve never met. Looking closer I see that the third man is really just a boy around sixteen, his body is supplied with broad shoulders and tight muscles are seen through is white t-shirt. He’s looking at me with unexpected hostility the color of his eyes are a deep shade of olive, his skin is tanned. As I assess his looks he seems to do the same to me, taking a second look into his eyes I see them soften a bit. Most likely from the thought of how young I am. Holding his gaze I straighten my back and narrow my eyes, seeming to dare him to touch me.
Between our quiet exchange, Sam has been observing my behavior. “Are you ready to get a break from your chains, and cooperate with us?” He questions loudly.
“Is that a rhetorical question,” I answer back sarcastically my voice dripping with venom. Walking towards me, he bends down and slaps my face good and hard. “This is no time to joke around, I asked you a question.” He says to me angrily. My mind is reeling from the sudden blow, I can feel my cheek reddening beneath his hand. Lowering my eyes to the ground I answer quietly barely above a whisper, “yes, I am.” The sudden surrender he sees’s in me surprises him for a few moments, then he motions towards the man with dreads. “This is Logan, one of the men who captured you,” he adds. Then he motions towards the boy beside Logan, “and this is my nephew, Reds.”
“Reds, Logan this is Marnie White she’s 15 and is the daughter of the one and only Cole White.” Nodding my head I stare at them both, etching them into my memory.
Sam continues, “these two are your guardians, they are going to watch you and make sure you don’t hurt yourself or others and under any circumstances that you do not leave this room!” His face becomes red, he also seems to be puffing from fury. Wow this guy can really get angry, afraid to say anything that would bother him I suck up my fear and stomp my legs on the ground. “Can I pee, and get some ice for my ankle.” Looking up at his face I see that he has once again put a mask over to hide his emotions. “Of course we don’t want you in any pain whatsoever, Logan and Reds will show you around.” He adds quickly. Great, good thing I have no pain. This man is so ridiculous that it makes me want to scratch his cheek, no wait I’ve already done that. I ponder sarcastically.
Sam quickly adds to my knowledge before he leaves, “they are going to untie you and you are going to behave.” He says this as if he is my father commanding me to get my homework done.
Once Sam leaves the room Logan takes charge immediately. Instructing Reds to untie my wrists, Reds walks across the room towards me his eyes stare at the ground seeming to count the cracks in the cement, I stare at him as he walks towards me wondering why a boy so young would be here working for a man who obviously does things like this often. Reaching towards me he unties my wrists and hauls me roughly to my feet, my legs and arms scream in pain and my ankle numbs from the sudden weight of my body.
Reds leads me towards a door next to the far wall where there is a couch, inside the door is a small bathroom. Including a very small shower, a sink with a mirror hanging above it and an old dirty toilet. Thank goodness, my bladder is looking forwards to the moment when it will release itself and my grime covered body is awaiting the flow of warm water that will soon rush down my aching body. Reds pushes me into the room and shuts the door behind me leaving me to deal with some business. After going pee and washing my hands I tear off my clothes and step into the shower turning the nozzle to the left, hot water gushes out of the shower head. I discover a small bottle of shampoo and a bar of tough soap, using them both I stand beneath the small flow of water for a few moments thinking about the few good things that I am able to have here.
All these things; the shower, guards, a room all to myself including a couch that is beyond what I would ever imagine Sam giving one of his “guests.” He must want me alive, maybe it really is for my parent money or maybe I somehow have special powers that heal the minds of sick crazed kidnappers! Now that would be a sight to see, me healing Sam then Sam killing me surprising, uh no Sam seems to be very mysterious and cruel. I wonder what takes place in his mind, if he’s just trying to gain my trust then suddenly he’ll guide me into a trap where the only way out is: giving Sam what he wants or stepping into the path of an angry Grizzly bear. Whatever he is thinking I must watch my back at all times.
Last edited by snickerdooly on Sat May 08, 2010 6:13 pm, edited 2 times in total.
"Characters cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved." Helen Keller




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snickerdooly wrote:Chapter 4
Darkness envelopes me, it pulls me under its wicked cape. A sweet feeling of floating then I awake, my mind is blurred, and it feels like I’ve slept for 12 hours straight then stood up too quickly. The only difference is I’m in fact not standing I’m tied tightly to a straight metal pole that’s positioned behind me. The ropes seem to tear into my hands etching the rope lines into my wrists. Against my better judgment I try to open my eyes and am successful but a blind fold is in the way of my sight. Before my thoughts seem to comprehend the danger I’m truly in, I hear a door open and heavy footsteps shuffle towards me.
Rough hands remove my blindfold, and untie my wrists. Opening my eyes I stretch my hands and rub the raw flesh where the rope was cutting into my skin. Still sitting on the ground I see a man observing me quietly; my body reacts before my brain. Launching myself at him I rake my fingernails over his cheek and grab a fistful of his hair. I tell myself to not let go but he manages to tear me off of him, his cheek is bleeding. This observation makes me smile and struggle even more but he just holds on tighter, cussing under his breath. Two men come into through the door; pulling me off of him they tie me back to the pole. The man who I attacked is patting his cheek with a wet cloth. A crazed laugh escapes my lips, the man looks at me and I brace myself for him to strike me but he only smiles and laughs. His blue eyes crinkle in an amused hateful glare.
Walking towards me he drags a chair and sits down next to me. “My name is Sam,” he says “you’re here because your parents are the wealthiest people in this side of town, and there the only rich ones with a pretty 15 year old daughter.” He says this with no emotion in his face, wow he really goes right to the point. My mind is reeling and the ethereal they forced over my mouth, is still in my veins. The world blurs a bit and my head droops back, Sam stands up immediately and walks out the door.
Closing my eyes I wish to be home, back in my room under my heaping pile of comforters. I hear the door open, peeling my eyes back apart I see Sam with a needle in his hands. “Oh no please don’t, I don’t want to go to sleep again,” I scream thrashing around my body as best I can. He still injects it into my veins but instead of my mind going blank, my mind stops blurring and my vision clears. “What was that,” I question. Providing me with no answer he says “You’ll stay in this room until we get the money from your parents, which will most likely be in a couple of weeks. I don’t want you attacking everyone who steps into this room or you will be punished, I don’t want you trying to run away or I will have to keep you tied to that pole for the remainder of your visit, I simply don’t have enough time for your games.
I take a breath “am I really just visiting, or am I here till you kill me.” Saying these words I understand why this was the very first question that came to my mind, I truly don’t want to die I just wanted my parents to understand that they didn't’t have to send me to some 50,000 dollar high school.
Sam seems to think about this question for a few moments, and then he walks towards me and tilts my chin up so I’m looking into his eyes. Trying to turn away I can’t, my chin is in a vise grip between his two hands. Staring into my eyes he repeats, “Till they supply the money.” Exasperated, I close my eyes and refuse to look at him, tapping my chin a few times he lets go and walks gracefully out of the room. Leaving me dumbstruck and tied to a pole, with an aching ankle and the world’s biggest migraine.
Chapter 5
For hours and hours I’m tied to that pole, my bladder feels about ready to explode, and my face is dewed with sweat. As I sit there I hear commotion through the door, but nobody provides me with attention. My head is still pounding a vicious beat; after Sam shot that syringe into my veins it worked really well and cleared my mind. But it worked for only a matter of minutes then it slowly wore off leaving me with a painful escalating headache. Now my ankle is hurting as well, I can see the swelling from where I sit. They must have taken my shoes before they brought me in here or something. The color is now a slight purple, it’s most likely sprained which would explain how I could barely hold my body up when they snatched me off the street.
The door suddenly swings open violently and there standing in the door way are three men: Sam, the man with dreads who captured me and a new man I’ve never met. Looking closer I see that the third man is really just a boy around sixteen, his body is supplied with broad shoulders and tight muscles are seen through is white t-shirt. He’s looking at me with unexpected hostility the color of his eyes are a deep shade of olive, his skin is tanned. As I assess his looks he seems to do the same to me, taking a second look into his eyes I see them soften a bit. Most likely from the thought of how young I am. Holding his gaze I straighten my back and narrow my eyes, seeming to dare him to touch me.
Between our quiet exchange, Sam has been observing my behavior. “Are you ready to get a break from your chains, and cooperate with us?” He questions loudly.
“Is that a rhetorical question,” I answer back sarcastically my voice dripping with venom. Walking towards me, he bends down and slaps my face good and hard. “This is no time to joke around, I asked you a question.” He says to me angrily. My mind is reeling from the sudden blow, I can feel my cheek reddening beneath his hand. Lowering my eyes to the ground I answer quietly barely above a whisper, “yes, I am.” The sudden surrender he sees’s in me surprises him for a few moments, then he motions towards the man with dreads. “This is Logan, one of the men who captured you,” he adds. Then he motions towards the boy beside Logan, “and this is my nephew, Reds.”
“Reds, Logan this is Marnie White she’s 15 and is the daughter of the one and only Cole White.” Nodding my head I stare at them both, etching them into my memory.
Sam continues, “these two are your guardians, they are going to watch you and make sure you don’t hurt yourself or others and under any circumstances that you do not leave this room!” His face becomes red, he also seems to be puffing from fury. Wow this guy can really get angry, afraid to say anything that would bother him I suck up my fear and stomp my legs on the ground. “Can I pee, and get some ice for my ankle.” Looking up at his face I see that he has once again put a mask over to hide his emotions. “Of course we don’t want you in any pain whatsoever, Logan and Reds will show you around.” He adds quickly. Great, good thing I have no pain. This man is so ridiculous that it makes me want to scratch his cheek, no wait I’ve already done that. I ponder sarcastically.
Sam quickly adds to my knowledge before he leaves, “they are going to untie you and you are going to behave.” He says this as if he is my father commanding me to get my homework done.
Once Sam leaves the room Logan takes charge immediately. Instructing Reds to untie my wrists, Reds walks across the room towards me his eyes stare at the ground seeming to count the cracks in the cement, I stare at him as he walks towards me wondering why a boy so young would be here working for a man who obviously does things like this often. Reaching towards me he unties my wrists and hauls me roughly to my feet, my legs and arms scream in pain and my ankle numbs from the sudden weight of my body.
Reds leads me towards a door next to the far wall where there is a couch, inside the door is a small bathroom. Including a very small shower, a sink with a mirror hanging above it and an old dirty toilet. Thank goodness, my bladder is looking forwards to the moment when it will release itself and my grime covered body is awaiting the flow of warm water that will soon rush down my aching body. Reds pushes me into the room and shuts the door behind me leaving me to deal with some business. After going pee and washing my hands I tear off my clothes and step into the shower turning the nozzle to the left, hot water gushes out of the shower head. I discover a small bottle of shampoo and a bar of tough soap, using them both I stand beneath the small flow of water for a few moments thinking about the few good things that I am able to have here.
All these things; the shower, guards, a room all to myself including a couch that is beyond what I would ever imagine Sam giving one of his “guests.” He must want me alive, maybe it really is for my parent money or maybe I somehow have special powers that heal the minds of sick crazed kidnappers! Now that would be a sight to see, me healing Sam then Sam killing me surprising, uh no Sam seems to be very mysterious and cruel. I wonder what takes place in his mind, if he’s just trying to gain my trust then suddenly he’ll guide me into a trap where the only way out is: giving Sam what he wants or stepping into the path of an angry Grizzly bear. Whatever he is thinking I must watch my back at all times.
Chapter 6
Suddenly I hear the click and groan of the rusty door that leads into the bathroom, shutting the water off I hear heavy breathing. Jerking the towel off of the shower rod I pull it tightly around me and cautiously step out of the shower. As I prepare myself for Sam to be standing outside I find myself dreadfully wrong and step into the path of Logan who’s face is inches from mine. His eyes travel down the length of my body and a smitten grin envelopes his entire ugly face. My mind is frantic and deathly afraid, Logan’s filthy hands dance lightly across my collar bone slowly make there way up to my jaw. I ache atrociously to reach my hands up and punch him in the face, but my body is pained as it is. If I choose to fight I’ll be in a world of pain. The Fighting may be a bad decision but begging, begging is perfect.
“Please don’t, please leave me alone.” I force myself to sound weak and terrified, instead of angry and fierce.
“Don’t worry; I’m not going to hurt you I just wanted to give you something.” He says this slowly, placing a roll of cloth into my hands. Before he exits the bathroom he grabs my hand and traces my life line that lies on the bottom of my palm. Leaving he slams the door behind him. Chills race up and down my spine and my jaw tingles from where he touched me.
Taking a deep breath I place myself in front of the door, so anyone who tries to come in again will have to go through me. Unrolling the bundle of fabrics I find a long night gown my grandmother would have worn if I would ever gotten the chance to meet her. The gown is covered in little daisies, violets and sunflowers the cloth seems old but never worn. Dropping the night gown I pick up my clothes that I arrived here in, my shirt, the sky blue blouse of mine has dirt stains and the sleeves are torn. Turning it around I see mud caked on the back, most likely from when I was pushed down in the street. The jeans are in good condition, checking the pockets I search for my money I put in there before lunch at school. It’s gone and so is my library card, not like I really would need it but I bet I could have shimmied the door open with it. Smart suckers, I hear a fist pounding on the door. “Hurry up, five more minutes and if you’re not out I’m coming in.” Logan’s words are clearly heard through the door.
Staring into the mirror I see my reflection, blue eyes, curly long blond hair, my nose seems to turn up like a pigs and my teeth are evenly spaced apart but yet people still qualify me, Marnie White as pretty. My cheek is bruised and my left eye is a bit black, wonder where I got that one. I think strangely, grabbing the night gown off of the ground I slip it on and step into my blue jeans. There still good enough to wear, tearing my fingers through my hair I scoop it up into a high pony tail and twist my only remaining hair tie around my thick hair. Taking one last look in the mirror I mouth the words, “help.” Whoever could answer my plea is beyond me but any help would be much obliged especially if it’s help from up above.
Stepping out of the bathroom I see Reds sitting on a chair in front of my escape door and Logan fat butt is planted on the couch waiting. Looking towards Logan I ask, “What do I do now?” He answers indirectly staring at the ceiling, “read a book, sleep, read, or uh sleep.” Funny he’s hilarious, racking my brain on what to do my stomach interrupts my thought growling fiercely. “How about some food,” I ask. Sure they must have something to feed me.
Calling to Reds he says. “Go get some food, first ask Sam what he wants us to feed her then bring it back here.” Reds nods his head and reaches into his pocket for a single door key, finding it he unlocks the door and as I watch it close I glimpse a desolate concrete hallway and absolutely nothing else.




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I have edited for you.. you are talented and your characters are very vivid.
Your story line is not vapid but needs a certain cling to it...
keep writing an I will look out for more of your work.




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I loved it. It was great. Still confusing the forms of there again. Just be kinda careful with that. Other than that, I thought it was great. :) I can't wait for the next part to come out. It has a great storyline, and the characters are so realistic. :) Keep up the awesome writing! PM me if you need anymore reviews! :)
I'll watch the night turn light blue/But it's not the same w/o you/Because it takes 2 to whisper quietly/The silence isn't so bad/Till i look at my hands and feel sad/Cus the spaces between my fingers are right where yours fit perfectly...
"Vanilla Twilight" by Owl City...




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Hello!!

:D "Darkness envelopes me, it pulls me under its wicked cape." Epicly awesome. just saying.

:arrow: "A sweet feeling of floating then I awake, my mind is blurred, and it feels like I’ve slept for 12 hours straight then stood up too quickly." Seems like a run-on.

:arrow: "ethereal they forced over my mouth, is still in my veins." The coma doesn't seem necessary here.

:D "my voice dripping with venom" I like this phrase, and is very specific.


okay, so i like your story development. I don't see the point of your chapters; the first three chapters could be chapter 1 and this set chapter 2- hte chapters are rathere short.

next; go through and proofread or put into a Word document and let it find all the grammar... i loved reading this, but the strange ,'s and missing .'s made it strange to read.

I like your characters and cant wait to see where you go from here!!!
Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow"
-mary anne radmacher



fun fact i hear my evil twin once wrote a story about a hacker who used the name fyshi33k bc there are 33k-ish species of fish and she liked phishing so fyshi-33k made sense but then she got super embarrassed when someone forced her to explain
— VyperShadow