I've wrote all the way to chapter 10 so it's pretty long so, I'm posting it in sections.
Prologue
We escape together, his feet crunch in the gravel. Slowing his stride he looks behind us. No, no one follows. My steps are weak and my feet stumble beneath me, speaking to him my voice is ragged and soft, after all the punishments I’ve received over the last two long weeks. “Where are we going,” I stop walking and tap his shoulder waiting. His feet slow, turning to look at me, he speaks “Does it matter where we’re going,” his voice is soft and determined.
Limping slowly to him I wrap my arms around him, and whisper “it always matters.” Closing my eyes I wish to tell my mother I love her one more time, I wish to enjoy the sound of music rushing through my mind taking control of my body and moving me to the rhythm of the beat. The promise of love and a life filled with joy, now I know I may never enjoy these things again. My life is ending as we stand here in each others arms, they’ll find us. They’ll find us and when they do both of us shall die, together.
CHAPTER 1
My eyes burn and sting, closing them for a rare few seconds I wish to sleep. To drift off into a sleep filled with wonderful dreams, or the sleep where it’s so deep that you wake up in the morning and it feels as if you’ve slept for twenty minutes but yet twelve hours have passed.
But that has yet to come, here I’ve been staying up all night with my friends, studying and delving further into certain job choices. Is it a: an exciting job as the ice cream scooper at the local Baskin Robins. Or B: a flavor filled life of a coffee maker at the Starbucks at the corner of Ocean Rd. Lets not forget several other jobs that will hold excitement in my very near future.
Breathing in a deep lungful of moist air, it’s time to go home I chide myself silently. Slipping out of the small circle of my friends, I wave a hand and exchange quick goodbyes. Walking along the sidewalk back to my house I find myself stumbling along, my eyes seem to close. But I force them open several times.
My mind begs for sleep, the night is cold and brisk. All of the trees around me are encased in a layer of frost which reflects the moon, giving the trees a mysterious beauty.
Standing in front of my house I stare at the home of my childhood, two stories, and pitch black with a white door unusual colors for a home but as my mother has always said black and white can match with almost anything.
My room lies on the first floor, my parent’s is on the second. Now as I begin to grow older it becomes surprisingly convenient because I’m 15. I get to go out more than ever and even when my parents forbid me to go I sneak out and they never discover that I leave. Town curfew is at 12:30 am. But the police rarely enforce it unless someone phones in to report a problem.
Climbing in through my window, I replace the screen and slide the window shut clicking the lock in place. Shivers race up and down by spine; I shuffle to my bathroom and wash my face and teeth quickly. Slipping on my red silky sweats I curl up on my bed and place all my comforters over me. The weight seems to press down on me, urging me to close my eyes and sleep. Sleep comes to me quickly wrapping itself around me, tightening its deadened grip on my throat.
CHAPTER 2
The morning light finds its way into my bedroom, streaks of light rest on my face. Stretching my neck and yawning. I think of how glad I am that I came home early, the extra rest really helped. Sliding off my bed I swap my sweats and t-shirt for a sky blue blouse that sticks tight to my frame and a pair of blue jeans. Makeup next I place a layer of foundation on my skin, the powder covers my eyelashes and I imagine myself a Geisha. Living in the Old times of Tokyo, at night I see myself accompanying other Geisha's to parties where I would sip sake and quarrel with the men who would give me gifts and pepper me with compliments. Maybe one day I’ll go to Tokyo and drink sake, but not today. Finishing up my morning ritual I grab my bag and walk down stairs, the wood creaks beneath my feet and I hear my mother making coffee In the kitchen.
Smiling I hug my mother and grab a bowl of cereal and a cup of Tropicana orange juice, my favorite. I can hear my mother whispering to herself about what she has to do today, what she’ll wear.
Yanking my bag off the table I walk out the door in a rush, not wanting to hear my mother talk to herself anymore than I already have to.
During the night the air seemed to have gotten colder, crap I forgot my coat. Too late now, no way in hell am I going back there. Guess I’ll just have to ignore the cold and tough it out. The Ice on the sidewalk is waiting for me to slip, to fall on my back and slam my head against the pavement. “Not going to happen,” I scold the sidewalk. I really am my mothers daughter; here I am talking to the sidewalk what’s next eating an onion like an apple. (my mothers favorite food, an onion.) The thought makes me cringe and I step on to the neighboring grass next to the sidewalk.
Picking up my feet I begin to run, faster and faster my feet carry me. Stopping quickly, I’m almost to the school. My breath is ragged and I can see the carbon exhaling from my mouth. I feel my lips their dry and cracking, reaching for my Blistex I see my friends waving to me. “Marnie!” I can hear them calling over and over again, they only seem to wish for my attention. Why do I even have to give it to them, I think stubbornly but I still walk over to them providing the group with a friendly smile.
A few hours later sitting in my homeroom class I strain to see the clock wishing for it to strike two. Like Cinderella when the clock strikes twelve and her dress turns to rags. Out of the corner of my eye I see one of the boys in my class, John staring at me. It’s pathetic, doesn’t anybody know when you like someone you let them come to you. Now it’s all about finding out who likes who, daring people to ask out the person that likes you. That’s what my friend Lisa dared me to do, better if I just get to know him. Then tell him it’s not good for me, and let him down gently. But Lisa dared me I have no choice but to do it, that’s my motto, never go as a coward, and always go as someone who tried or either someone who died. Never have I really told my friends my true thoughts, I’m the one who’s always been about being the crazy one, the one with the rich parents that doesn’t care but I have always cared. Just nobody has noticed, yet.
The final bell rings and my heart sings a glorious tune, my feet practically run all the way home. The sudden change in my mood is severely worrying me when was the last time I even wanted to be home… can’t remember.
Chapter 3
Stepping out of the frosty air, I walk into the foyer where I can see Mom and Dad sitting at the table. There faces are still and serious, whatever they are planning on telling me must be big. As soon as I walk into our grand kitchen I can feel my parent’s eyes following me, staring at me silently. Coming to a halt I stare at them stock eyed and still, barely breathing I voice out the words “what.” My voice is defensive and cruel, breaking the silence my father breathes a sigh and shoves a brochure into my hands. The cover says Brentwood Academy, home of the best.
Shock is the only emotion on my face; they are going to send me to a boarding school. Better yet I open the brochure and see the address, Canada. Canada where in there right mind do they think that a prep school in Canada would be right for me, we live in Oregon how could sending me halfway across the country and even into another country solve any of my problems.
Cole White my father motions to the chair beside him, walking over I slam my books on to the chair and take off out the door, not even caring if I ever see the two of them again!
Fuming angry, wondering why they would even want me gone I start walking towards Northbound Elementary School. How could they think of sending me there, taking away all my freedom better yet stealing my home? The prep school is most likely a school of brains and brawn, scholars and athletes all trying to make it big in the world and be the one with the richest parents. I think bitterly.
Crossing the street I breathe in the deep scent of pine and this dose of nature calms my nerves somewhat, but not enough for me to return home. My walking slows and I stare up at the sky glimpsing the half moon behind scattered clouds, the stars are all hidden as well but some find there way into my vision. Goosebumps collect on my arms; I welcome the coldness which distracts me from the ever growing fear of being sent away.
Passing the Elementary school I hear voices coming from behind me and footsteps following me. Fear grips my hand as I stand listening to there words. All of them are men, I can hear there deep voices quietly talking to each other. Listening hard I only catch two words, catch her.
Now I can feel someone staring at me. Someone who’s hidden in the dark shadows of the alley, the men trailing behind me must be about twenty feet from where I stand. Walking quickly towards the end of the street I search for a group of people or a shop that is still open.
Going inside and seeking safety then calling my parents seems like a good way to go. Unfortunately I find nothing, doing the most quickest thing I can think of I begin to run. Quickly my body becomes tired and my breathe turns ragged, yet I keep on running.
Suddenly I can feel myself stepping on something and my ankle twists beneath my body weight, I go down falling hard on my back. The breath is knocked clear out of my body, I struggle to stand but trying to do anything other than walking unleashes a tear of pain throughout my right leg.
Minutes after I fall the men catch up to me, pushing me to the ground one of them kicks me in the ribs. I scream loudly and protect myself with my hands, covering my face and praying that he won’t hit me again. None of the men make any move to touch me but one of the men, a man with dread locks and a face covered with dirt, stoops down next to me and pulls a cloth out of his grimy coat pocket.
The cloth smells sweet and pungent, nauseating even. I struggle underneath him, grabbing my arms he forces the sickening cloth over my mouth. I try to scream but as I do I breathe in the ether and my mind begins to grow black. Closing my eyes I hold my breath, my lungs feel ready to explode.
Releasing my breath I breathe in the ether, my limbs grow heavy and weak. Riding out of the alleyway on a soft heavenly cloud I see the men gathered over me, they seem to smile down at me. Their faces begin to grow big like balloons and then float up into the sky, I watch them till my mind and body fall into a deep endless sleep.
Copyright 2010- Property of Akorn
it was so shocking! update soon and message me when you do!
I already mentioned the "-ing" thing. In addition to that, you have a lot of sentences where your character is thinking something; use