The Vampires Kiss Part 2

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Im sorry this is so long but there was no where that was appropriate to stop at. Hope you enjoy
Titch

The Vampires Kiss Part 2

The sun broke through the curtains the next day causing me to blink awake. I lay in the messy bed for a second just remembering the night before with a smile. I turned to say good morning but all there was in his place was a note.

My Darling,
I’m sorry I was unable to say goodbye this morning,
You looked so serene I was loathed to wake you.
I will in my usual place tonight. Please forgive me,
My heart is yours
Lucas


This sent my heart pounding once again. The thought I would soon be with him again, be able to touch him again, kiss him again made my knees go weak. The day crawled by as I tried to busy myself and not count the seconds till I would see Lucas’ glorious face again. Eventually everything I needed to do was done, I’d even spring cleaned the bar and there was still another hour until he would come. This left me alone with my thoughts my mind quickly drifted back to the night which had just been. I could still feel his rough hands caressing my back, his hot breath on my neck, his strangely cool lips against mine; suddenly the door opened interrupting my fantasy. I looked up and the breath caught in my throat the reality was even more wonderful than my fantasy.
“The usual?” I asked recovering myself, he didn’t answer. He just sauntered over to where I was standing and kissed me with such passion that I forgot how to breathe.
“Is that going to be the usual from now on?” I asked breathlessly when he released me.
“It may be, I haven’t decided yet and I will have that scotch now” He responded winking, I walked round to the other side of the bar to get him and myself a drink.
“Well, well that kind of behaviour must be a health code violation” said a silky voice. I looked up there was a man stood in the door with a smile that made me instantly uncomfortable.
“Comfort, go upstairs, I will explain later” Lucas was somehow in front of me. There was something in his voice and the way he was holding himself that told me not to question or argue.
As I ran up the stairs I heard the silky voice say “Oh that’s shame I would have liked to see her face when you told her what you are, it will be a quite a picture” I ran quicker now with fear tightening in my stomach. As I sat cowering in my room, sounds of a fight floated up through the floor. With each new crash or bang the knot of fear would tighten. Then suddenly there was silence….
***********

The door creaked open I hardly dare look up as the knot of fear in by stomach tighten to a new level.
“Comfort?” Lucas asked softly and as the old fear eased a new fear gripped me. Who was this man I had let into my bed, I didn’t really know him at all “Are you here? I’m sorry about that he’s gone now” I stood up slowly.
“Who the hell was that? What are you?” my voice was shaking.
“It is very hard to explain’ he sighed ‘I never wanted to drag you into this world; I knew it was a mistake”
“Well you have… dragged me in so try and explain” I answered my fear now turning into anger.
“Okay, come on we will both need a drink” he answered taking my hand, I pulled it away; I didn’t know this man and I didn’t want him touching me. As I walked behind him down the stairs the anger melted away as I saw the extent of his injuries from the fight.
“Take your top off” I ordered as we got downstairs trying to keep my voice firm.
“Excuse me?” he answered.
“Your bleeding let me take a look at your injuries” I responded.
“I’ll be fine” he said looking down at his shirt “I’m a quick healer”
“I was a nurse, just let me have a look…. please” I sniffed as a new batch of tears sprung from my eyes, he looked into my eyes for the first time since the fight and slid his shirt off letting in drop on to the floor. He sat down on a low chair so I could look him over; he began to explain.
“I am truly sorry for scaring you and I will leave when I have explained if that is what you want, I should have never endangered you like this in the first place” he sighed with regret in his voice “That was Bailey, he is a mark, a very dangerous mark, I have been tracking him for a year now. Although this is the first time he has come to me obviously intrigued by what I found so fascinating about this bar. And he found you I’m so s…”
“Lucas don’t apologise again, just tell me what you’re talking about a mark, tracking, what do you do?” I asked gently as I cleaned the smaller cuts over his shoulders and back, my anger and fear had completely faded replaced with concern and love, and now I was sure I loved this man.
“Oh sorry, I am a sort of bounty hunter, or at least that is the best analogy I can think of and Bailey is the reason I came here and why I first came into the bar. I had heard he was around this area and I know he likes to creep around in small bars. Then, then I met you” he sighed “I was spellbound, even after I heard he had left I stayed, it was irresponsible and reckless” he looked at me as I moved round clean the wounds on his chest, he put his hands gently on either side of my face but I didn’t pull away I just stayed where I was and smiled at him.
After a few minutes I said “Most of your cuts are superficial but I need to finish cleaning you up’ I laughed ‘Oh I don’t want you to leave over this.”
“I wish that was everything but unfortunately….”
“Shhh baby I don’t need to know tonight and I will never ask you to leave, I promise” I smiled and kissed his chest. He flinched as I felt down his ribs.
“Sorry, I think you’ve got a couple of cracked ribs, we should go to the hospital to get them checked out.”
Lucas stiffened “I cannot go to the hospital.”
“Why not? You won’t have to tell them what happened, just need an x-ray and maybe to get a couple of these cuts stitched up” I replied.
“You can stitch the cuts and my ribs will heal fine” he responded quickly.
“I haven’t sutured a wound in a long time and I don’t have any anaesthetic or anything.”
“I can take the pain and just use a normal needle and thread” he answered.
“Lucas don’t be stupid, tell me why you won’t go to the hospital please” I responded frustrated.
He sighed again “Okay sit down and I’ll explain” he said picking me up and placing me on the seat he was sat in “the reason I cannot go to the hospital is that I am not human” I started to laugh what he was saying sounded so ridiculous “Do not laugh I am being perfectly serious.”
“What are you then if you are not human?” I asked still chuckling.
“Do you remember Bailey saying that he would love to see your face when I told you what I am? Well he meant when I told you that I am a vampire” He looked at me, the disbelief in my eyes “do you want me to show you?” I nodded unable to speak. In a blink of the eye he was across the room behind the bar smiling at me, my mouth fell open, and then he was back kneeling in front of me.
“How, how did you do that?” I stuttered.
“It is the vampire blood, it means I can run very fast, my senses are incredibly acute, I am extremely strong and I can do this…” he opened his mouth displaying his teeth. All of a sudden his canines grew to three times the length of normal, this was too much and I fainted.
The room was spinning as my eyes struggled to open. I was laying on the sofa, Lucas must of carried my up here after I had fainted. I tried to sit up but this made the room spin even more and nausea rose in my throat.
‘Lucas’ I whispered but there was no response. I looked around the room best I could from my position but he was no where to be seen, all I saw was a note on the table in front of me next to a fresh scotch.

Comfort,
As I promised I have left. I knew this would be too much for you to handle. It was selfish and wrong of me to have dragged you into this dark world. For what it is worth I was considering telling you, unfortunately Bailey forced my hand and you insisted on knowing everything. To leave you breaks my heart but to endanger you as I will if I stayed with you is unacceptable. I am sorry.
I will carry you in my heart for as long as I live,
Lucas
The nausea rose in my throat again, I managed to calm it with the whiskey but when I remembered where it had come from I retched for real this time. I stayed up long into the early hours of the morning reading and re-reading the note he had left. At times I cried over it and others a screwed it up in anger. I was a wreck, not knowing what I thought or felt from one moment to the next.
When I finally fell into bed I didn’t get very much sleep, too many questions floated around my head and I could smell him on my sheets. When I did manage to fall asleep I would wake with a start from the nightmares about being stalked down dark allies. When I awoke I looked for comfort but never found it. Although I hated to admit it I wanted to know where he was and what he was feeling.
The sun crept through the curtains and finally my fitful night was over but my questions still were unanswered as I didn't know when or even if Lucas would return. The following weeks were was just as bad, every time I heard a voice in the street or a floorboard creak my stomach tied itself in knots thinking it was him.
“Are you okay Comfort? You look terrible” asked one of my regulars about a month after the fight.
“Yes thanks sweetie, just had a bad day.” I smiled back.
“Any chance your waiting for someone? You've been watching that door like a hawk for weeks.”
I laughed “Yes, keep thinking that Lucas will come back.”
“Lucas is that the guy who used to come in, sit in the same spot every night and drink whiskey?” He asked.
“Yep that's the guy.” I replied.
“He gave me the creeps, something just wasn't quite right” He said making me laugh, he didn't know the half of it “I just hope you were careful around him, because we all know there was something going on.”
This made me laugh even more “Oh did you now; I thought that I kept that a secret quite well.”
“Nope we all knew for weeks,” Chipped someone else “you never were good at keeping secrets.”
“I should bar you all for being cheeky.” I replied midst fits of laughter.
“Aye and then you'd not have any customers.” Was the reply.
“Well you don't have to worry about me anymore; I doubt we will be seeing him again.”
The door creaked open and there Lucas stood shrouded in light. A hush fell across the bar as took his normal seat. 'Hi' was the only thing I could say as it was taking all the strength I had not to faint.
“Good evening” Lucas smiled wearing down my resolve to stay on my feet “how have you been? You look tired,”
“I haven't been sleeping very well.” I replied trying to keep my voice even.
“I could do with a drink. A scotch would be lovely.” Lucas replied. Still trying to remain composed I fetched him his drink. The night continued quietly, there was the odd hushed conversation and quiet joke but the atmosphere had changed the moment Lucas walked in bar. Eventually as the night wore on my costumers left and it was just me and Lucas left sat nursing drinks in a silent bar. Just as we had done on that first night, the night we met.
“Are you okay my love?” Lucas asked after we had been sat in silence for 15 minutes.
“Yes I'm fine and I don't think you have the right to call me love any more.” I smiled tightly because I was realising that I was so happy and relieved to see him and I couldn't dream of being without again him but at the same time, he scared me. I was so scared by what he was and what I knew about him, but more so I was scared by what I didn't know about him.
“I scare you” he sighed “I knew this would happen I should not have returned.”
“Is that another one of your vampire senses then? ESP?” I asked in a harsher voice than I had expected. Lucas simply laughed and said “No Comfort that is love, I can see it in your eyes. There has always been an element of fear there although in the beginning you didn't know why I scared you so and I think there always will be fear there. But now it is much clearer and has replaced the laughter I normally see.'”
“Well what do you expect from me Lucas? You tell me you are a bounty hunter and I accepted that, we get attacked but I believed you will protect me so I tried to forget my fear and then you drop on me that you are a vampire and disappear leaving a pathetic, cowardly note and now your surprised I'm scared,” I sighed with tears in my eyes “Our whole lives we are taught that things that come out of the darkness are bad and we should fear them. But here I am, completely and utterly crazy about someone who all the sense in the world says is straight out of a nightmare and that person seems to want to tell me as little as possible about themselves. Now that scares me more than anything. It makes me wonder what is so horrifying that you need to protect me from it no matter what that means to me!” I exclaimed the tears streaming down my face giving away more than I wanted to. Lucas just stood there and watched me for a few minutes before he stepped forward and took me in his arms. We stood like that for about 10 minutes in silence hearing only each others breathing and heartbeat before Lucas sighed and said “Okay, what do you want to know? I will answer all your questions honestly and truthfully. As I have always found that relationships work best without any big secrets.”
I sighed again 'Okay then, who are you?'
'Well I am a man who loves you and would do anything to protect you.' he replied fixing me with those intoxicating eyes. The butterflies started fluttering in my stomach, as they do when you are about to say something you know you probably shouldn't,
'There are two things wrong with that, first of all you’re not a man and second that's not an answer.' Lucas let out a low growl turning away to pour some drinks. Swallowing his in one and fixing me with that stare again he said 'fine, you right I am not a man, I am vampire but not a monster as your tone was implying. Nothing has changed other than my perceived biology.'
I almost choked on my drink 'Nothing has changed, are you kidding? Maybe nothing has changed for you but the world has change for me. Before I met you I lived in a nice cosy simple world where vampires were myths and legends, only seen in movies or read about in books. But no, your here stood in front of me, a real live vampire, who apparently believes nothing has changed.' Lucas never responded to that, just turned and straight out of the door. I stood there slightly dumb struck by his reaction, when I finally gather my senses I rushed outside to try and stop him. As it turned out he was just crouched against the wall next to the door smoking.
'Don't leave.' I panted when I saw him. He laughed again and pulled me down on to his knee,
'Don't be silly woman I'm not leaving, I simply needed to calm down a bit.'
'Well good, I almost lost my mind over these last few months' tears tumbling from my eyes again.
'Oh dear, stop this,' Lucas responded wiping the tears away 'I promise you I will not leave you again.' with that he picked me up as if I weighed nothing at all and took me inside.
'What would you like to drink? More whiskey or something different? Then we can get back to the questions.' Lucas asked as he placed me carefully back on the chair,
'I'll have a gin and tonic please, and my next question is what's why wouldn't you go to the hospital?' I asked,
'What do you mean?' Lucas asked with a slightly bemused tone.
'When bailey attacked us and you were hurt, you freaked out when I suggested the hospital.'
Lucas laughed 'Oh that, well you were a nurse what would you have said if a vampire walked in to casualty? Also I hadn't ... fed in a while at that time so I am not sure how well I would have controlled myself with the smell of blood in hospitals.' My stomach jarred at the word fed, it had been the theme of my nightmares and not a topic I wanted to visit, but this forced my hand a little.
'So when was the last time you' my stomach flipped as I said it '...fed?'
'About 3 weeks back, this is an uncomfortable topic for you isn't it? I can understand why, with all the Hollywood myths out there. But if it puts your mind at ease I a not a killer.' Lucas responded, it didn't really put my mind at ease but I was not sure that my stomach could take this topic so I dropped it. Even then I knew I would have to re-visit it soon but I hoped that I would be feeling stronger when I did.
'Come now, it's time for bed. We will continue this tomorrow if you wish but I think for now that is enough' Lucas said taking my hand and leading me to bed.
*******
Writing Is Easy All You Have Do Is Stare At A Blank Piece Of Paper Till Your Forehead Bleeds- Sue Townsend




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Hey, Titch!

I think I read the right part 1 'cause it sounded right when I read this next. XD I admire those writers who try to tackle a story about vampires. After Twilight and all its popularity, it'll be very difficult to make your own vampire story that doesn't relate at all to Twilight. So I wish you luck, and I hope my review will help you make your own unique vampire story!

Characters

Your MC is a unique MC. In fact, I felt like she was your own way to rant about Bella's stupidity. XD It amused me greatly; I kept cheering her on. I was hoping for even more spunk since there were still some instances where she ignored arguing.

So Lucas will probably be your main worry. I thought, in part 1, he was really cool as a mysterious guy that no one liked. Then I was disappointed to find out that he's so much of a softy that he slept with the bartender. This means your pace was a bit fast at points, which I'll mention after this. At the end of part 1 and in part 2, he's so much of an Edward Cullen, and that's bad. Play with his personality some more to make Lucas his own individual. Rather than a lovesick puppy, make him a work-a-holic. Or something. xD

Pace

Back to the pacing I've mentioned already, there were a few times where you said, "A few weeks later" or "it's been a month" or some silly transition that, I think, is a short-cut to continue a story. Short-cuts, especially in this instance, isn't all that great. You could be using that to introduce your characters and the conflict some more. Instead, you're jumping time to get straight into the kill-Bailey-and-fall-in-love-with-Comfort plot.

For example, Comfort isn't just a bartender 24/7. In fact, she said she went into nursing. What happened? Why isn't she a nurse anymore? The way this fact was introduced was very random and unsatisfying to the reader. If you don't want to out-right say she went into nursing yet, then give the readers hints. Have her heal wounds or say some nursing gibberish. Something creative to help emphasize this part of her personality. And what does she do when she isn't working? Does she do crafts or sports? Visit family?

Take your time! If the fight scene doesn't happen 'til chapter five, then it doesn't happen 'til chapter five. Take as much time as you need to make sense to the reader.

----

That's all I have! I hope you enjoy writing your story. If you have any other frustrations that you need help with, feel free to send me a PM. I'd love to help you figure something out. =)

Keep writing!

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