To Touch (1)

“Do you love me?”

Of course I do.

“I wish I could hear you say it.”

I wish I could say it.

“I wish I could see your hands say it.”

I wish you could, too.

“I wish I could see your face.”

I wish I could tell you what you mean to me. I wish our love was real.


It was not the looks, the voice, the way with words, but the touch. The one thing Penny and David had left.


“I wish I could see these cheeks,” he rubbed a gentle hand over my stone white skin. “Are they pink?”

I took his hand from my face and held it close to my heart.

“I’m going to take that as a yes.”

“It gets kind of hard doing all the talking,” David said as we walked down the street. I studied the wilting flowers on the earth’s crust and the browning leaves on the magical trees that guided our way home. I sympathised for them. They will never be able to experience half the things I can. They cannot touch or feel or smell. And I thought my life was sad.

I squeezed his hand to let him know I was listening. “Do you really love me, Penny?” He suddenly stopped. I stood still, not knowing how to answer. “Oh, sorry. Squeeze once if yes.”

I squeezed once.

“That’s good.” I looked at him; he was smiling, his white eyes looking to the sky that he couldn’t see. I wished to ask him what colour he saw. Black? White? Pink? I hoped it was pink. It was a bright. “I love you, too, you know.”

I stopped in my tracks, and since I guided him, he stopped with me. I laid a hand on his cheek slowly, not wanting to alarm him. I pressed my face closer and closer to his until I could feel his warmth, the breath of his nose, and the tickle of his eye brows. And then I brushed my lips against his in the calmest manner, sighed, and backed away.
“That was nice,” he chuckled.

I smiled, wishing he could see all the smiles he gave me. I admired his laugh and the deep pounds of his chest it caused. If only I could laugh.

“Where are we going anyway?” he asked, not expecting an answer. “I wonder what your voice would sound like if you could talk,” he said after moments of silence.

I was taken back. This was the first time he had ever said anything to me like that. He never spoke of the negatives in our relationship: how he couldn’t see my face, how I couldn’t tell him I loved him. He always strayed from that topic. Why did he bring it up now?

“Do you ever get bored?” he asked, obviously not realising how rude the question was. Of course I got bored. I haven’t spoken since I was three. I couldn’t answer questions or get to know people, and people would never know me.

“I think I know why I love you,” he paused, thinking this time. “I think it is because your hands.” he held my hand up to his face as if to study it. “I think because I don’t need you to tell me you love me. You show me, Penny. You show me every day.”


Is this worth continuing? I would love your opinions. If you find anything confusing, please let me know. Though, I do want this to be a confusing story, yet in the right way.

Sorry for the tense changes. I think I corrected them. I'm usually an so good about proofreading... oh well

Hey Classy! I saw you had just posted this and I was in a reviewing mood, so here I am!

So, first off I really like the idea, it reminds me of a plot idea I had a ways back, but mine was a little different. But I must say it is a little unrealistic. A mute girl, and blind boy falling for each other? The biggest problem is communication. Most times when dating, couples are usually friends first, THEN date, but with this story it poses a problem. Unless she knows sign language, which I'm assuming not, then how does he even know anything about her? I could believe her falling for him, but him returning the feelings? Not really.

I would like a little back story into them though. Why she stopped talking, how they met, stuff like that, which I'm assuming will be explained.

I'd like to see how you go with this, hope I helped some.

~Hope

Hey! You always give me such great reviews, I hope mine will be too Firstly, I just wanna say OMG, because I was so totally gonna do a story about a blind person falling in love with someone who isn't, the only difference is that mine would have been the other way round (the girl would've been blind). Anyway, I'm glad you're doing it because by the looks of this chapter, you'll probably end up doing a better job than I would've done.
I loved this chapter. Though your paragraphs were short they carried just enough emotion. I cannot wait to read more of this, you have me completely intrigued!
Best of luck
*coco

THis is a lot like a story that I am writing currently. I think that you should keep going with it. It will be hard not to have much communication though.

Good luck!

~Poem

Hey, Classy!

First, I'd like to say this a great story idea! I do kind of agree with BondGirl007, however. How does he even know anything about her? And, since this is the first chapter, I'm pretty sure unanswered questions will be answered soon, so I think it's okay you don't have a back story. I happen to like stories that just take you right to the middle of a story instead of a perfect beginning, like, "Once upon a time...." Those are a little boring, in my opinion.
Overall, I think this is a good start to a story and an interesting plot. I can't wait to read more!! . So, yes, I think you should continue it.

~~leeanna13097

Hello Classy. First off, I'd like to say I really enjoyed reading this piece. It was interesting. Be confident of yourself, it was excellent and well thought out. Sencondly, I found a few grammar errors.

I wish you could, too.

No comma after could.

It was not the looks, the voice, the way with words, but the touch. The one thing Penny and David had left.

"The one thing Penny and David had left." This is a subordinate phrase. It can not stand alone. You just need to add a subject. "It was the one thing Penny and David had left."

“I wish I could see these cheeks,” he rubbed a gentle hand over my stone white skin. “Are they pink?”

There should be a period after cheeks instead of a comma. He should be capitalized after you change the comma to a period.

Penny loved his smile, and was thankful she could see him, and not the other way around

.
No commas.

They cannot touch or feel or smell. And I thought my life was sad.

A better way to write this so that "And" is not at the beginning of a sentece would be:"They cannot touch or feel or smell, and I thought my life was sad."

“I love you, too, you know.”

No comma after too.

“I think it is because your hands.” he held my hand up to his face as if to study it.

"He" should be capitalized.

I know this is the first chapter, but I was just wondering what the conflict is. There doesn't seem to be much wrong, they're too happy lovers who just wish they could see/speak to each other. I liked it and I hope you will continue writing this piece and pm me when you post a new chapter up.

-Crescent

Hi. Okay. It was a really good story, really touching. But it got kinda confusing. I think you switched points of view a couple times. Other than that I didn't really notice anything. Keep up the writing. Hope to see more soon.

Hey Chakita1
Well, I must say that it is a great idea, of course you always come up with unusually sad ideas to write. Admit it. So Green told me about this idea of yours and i thought it was awsome and interesting, just don't leave you other story behind, you tend to do that. I have to say that I like your first idea better because there seems to be more to it than this one but that doesn't mean this is not a good one. Just finish both stories.

On with the reviw. i'm very interested in what the plot will be. I do have a bit of information about blind people: they are able to read with these special books that look like a bunch of dots but they read with their hands. Don't know if you've heard of it, but it's why in bathrooms you can see dot under the picture.

It's your first chapter so all I have to say really is to keep 'em comming.

Ohmigod Classy!

I loved it, I really really wanted to read more! It still needs a little developping, but in my opinion not much!

I found only one part dull... <“It gets kind of hard doing all the talking,” David said as we walked down the street. I studied the wilting flowers on the earth’s crust and the browning leaves on the magical trees that guided our way home. I sympathised for them. They will never be able to experience half the things I can. They cannot touch or feel or smell. And I thought my life was sad.>

I think you should develop this a little more, otherwise it was really really good! Be sure to keep posting!!

I love your story! I love that you chose two people who don't have something most people do. You should write from the beginning, write how they met, and how they fell in love. Message me if you do! I cant wait to read it!

Next chapter is up.