Gothic Window

I don't remember what it was like
Living in the lonely tower.
I don't remember who I was
Or what I was doing there.

Was there anyone else?
I couldn't recall.
When was this?
Where was I?
I don't remember
No matter how hard I try.

What was I wearing?
What did they say?
Who were they?
I'm afraid it's all faded away.

But the stained-glass Gothic window
Has tattooed itself onto my mind.
Beautifully haunting,
Outrageously ornate.
Letting sunshine in
Broken into colors and designs.

Everything else
Has been forgotten
But the window lingers
Casting twisted shadows
On my mind to this day.

That's cool. It reminds me of both Tale of Two Cities and my own story. It starts out dark and mysterious, then focuses in on one point - the stained-glass window. I like it. It's like a movie, where they're scanning the landscape, then zoom in on one spot that ends up being the whole point of the scene.. Nice.

overy good poing, crysi. i, too, like this. you have a bit of a rhyme, just enough to keep a good rythm going.

Everything else
Has been forgotten
But the window lingers
Casting twisted shadows
On my mind to this day.

:thumb:

Well, I guess I can say I liked it...I didn't too much care for the beginning and all the questions seemed to make it a little rendundant. And this stanza:
i]What was I wearing?
What did they say?
Who were they?
I'm afraid it's all faded away.
Seemed to to turn the poem into another direction, and when you jumped from it to the last two stanzas, it didn't seem like it was even the same person talking.
But the stained-glass Gothic window
Has tattooed itself onto my mind.
Beautifully haunting,
Outrageously ornate.
Letting sunshine in
Broken into colors and designs.

Everything else
Has been forgotten
But the window lingers
Casting twisted shadows
On my mind to this day.
I loved this though. Perfect ending.

The title intrigued me, I have to say. Curious Sam's just got to go read it...hee...nit-pick time!

First off, you use the word 'there' way too many times throughout the entire poem. If you could search those out and stick a different word in there, it flow a ton more better. Just sitting here it's kinda fun to think what you could do with all those bland 'there' s.

I know it's been said before, but you need to delete some questions or at least partly answer them. It's kind of redundant and clunky to throw all these things at the reader. We're just sitting here, calmly reading, and you're giving us all these things to figure out. I say- NOT FAIR! hee...that was lame. ah well.

This is also very lame, but you don't really describe the stained-glass gothic window very much, except for that it's, of course, a stained-glass gothic window. What is so important about it? Why is its image imprinted in your mind? I want to know! It seems very important. (well, duh, since it's the title...)

I love the last stanza, but it really doesn't make much sense. You still haven't answered the all-important 'Why is this stupid window so important?' thing, so we don't really know whether to be impressed by your poetic ability or go 'what?!!' and toss the book aside. Please elaborate, Niteowl!

Over all, I thought it was a very haunting poem. Well done!

Hmm. Haven't reviewed anything in a while but i'll give it my best shot.

I really enjoyed the idea of the poem, I wanted to know more, it reminded me of this story I read when I was younger but damnit I can't remember the name. But the problem was that I didn't get to know more, I know the narrative voice didn't rememeber but I dunno... I suppose that's a good thing, I could imagine the poem in the context of a novel, the opener perhaps it would grab the reader's attention, or even just within a longer narrative poem.

But annyway I really liked the last two stanzas, that's where your poetic ability really shone through (see what I did window..shone through), but I agree that in the second and the third the questions could have been blended to create a more pleasing rhythm.

What do I know anyway haven't written in a very long time, in fact this is the first piece of poetry that I've reviewed in a long time!

i liked this poem i think it was very good, although the short questions didnt really appeal to me. it did for the second stanza but then as you continued to use it throughout the poem on stanza 3, it kinda bored me alittle bit, i thought the questions were a little repetivitve actually.

however i did think this was good and i really like your title (i have a thing for kewl titles btw). the last two stanza's were very good, created a good ending for the poem.

anyway, very good job and keep up the good work