I have a midterm for my literary magazine where I have to write a short story, so I started this story around the idea of a man being afraid of himself. So it would help if you critiqued the beginning so I know I'm on a good start.
Elevation
It is perfectly natural that when a goal is started, to elevate upward towards it. The goal itself would completely come off as irrational if the person were to linger about like a kite without a string; staying in the same place for quite some time. When the desired objective is reached, the standards jolt themselves upward, instantly creating a brand new goal to work on. It is common for the person to have a fear of targeting their ambition; scared of what risks and twists they might encounter. It would be unusual and unnatural if the person was scared of themselves.
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My name…well, it’s best if you do not know my name for the time being, it could cause catastrophic results. Imagine if someone was emotionally scarred after reading this, and spread my name around? Or what if someone were to get a paper cut from reading the pages about my life? It would put my life in moral peril. I really don’t know why I am writing this in the first place, my therapist (name best not known) recommended that I chronicle my thoughts and everyday life. It (gender of my therapist is best not revealed, could lead people to her actual name, making her a suspect if anyone were to be damaged physically or emotionally by reading this) said that may show some reason to why my fear exists. What is my fear, you ask? (This is just a figure of speech. Let the record show that I am not trying to control your thoughts.)
It is quite embarrassing admitting this, but I am afraid of myself. No, I am not like those who claim to be afraid of their own shadow. However, I will admit that my shadow does cause me some discomfort.
Hi, really good start and if you can develop it along the same lines I think it will become a very strong short story. You've created a brilliant clear narrative voice that draws the readers attention and it feels like it is speaking directly to the reader. Just a couple of small things; in the second paragraph the very long brackets can make it slightly confusing and broken to read. I know your trying to explain things and those things are definitely important but it would be better if it was a little more concise if it is possible. The other thing is common practice is if you are not reveling the gender or if it is unknown then you would use the male (him or he) or the plural (them or their) rather than the female as you have. But thats just nit picking. I really enjoyed this and it is a good strong start so keep writing. I hoped this has helped Titch x
Writing Is Easy All You Have Do Is Stare At A Blank Piece Of Paper Till Your Forehead Bleeds- Sue Townsend
I like what seems to be the intention of the narrator's voice, but right now I think it comes off as a little awkwardly written. If you polished it up this would be a great start to a story (I think).
