The Royal Mistake

"When will Prince Crispin get here?" I wondered aloud.
Okay, so I was on this balcony and I'm waiting for this guy who only knows me by this swan mask I'm wearing waiting for him so I can jump into his arms and ride off into the sunset. Dumb, right? And he should have been here hours ago. But then, I saw it. It was a large handsome splotch on the ground.
Lady Agatha – an unusually rotund women – was wearing the same mask as me and Prince Crispin must have thought she was me and told her to jump in his arms.
Judging by the splatter, it was not pretty. He had chosen the wrong balcony!


Oops.

... Lol!!!! XD funny, you should add more about the ball and stuff. with your humor, I'll laugh all through it! Keep writing, no matter what!!

Peace!
~*~fairygirl~*~

I really liked this.
You should've done more describing, but it hillarious!

Good Job, Keep Writing.

-jordan<3

Hiya!

Hmm, terribly short and not much to review. However, I could give you a few hints here and there.

Firstly, get rid of the caps. No one likes to constantly read caps. Try italics to get your character's feeling across. Emphasize the point. Italics is ten times better than caps.

You need some commas throughout this. Try reading it aloud to catch those natural pauses. Especially in the first, very long sentence.

More description is needed too. All I imagine as the prince is a black spot on the grass. I don't think that's the image you were striving for! So, description is what this amusing piece is lacking.

I would defiantly develop this more, but it's entirely up to you. This has plenty of potential.

Cheers!

Meadow

LOL! I love this!

Thanks for all the comments!

I really like this!! Other than making the setting a bit more clear, I love it! Love love love it!!!!!!!

Hey, Siona!

This is hilarious!! Almost as good as Llamas Online, lol. Okay, just a few grammatical errors:

Okay, so I was on this balcony and I'm waiting for this guy who only knows me by this swan mask I'm wearing waiting for him so I can jump into his arms and ride off into the sunset.

Ms. Pamela would not allow this!! Hahaha, jk. Okay, there should be a comma after balcony. I also think it's a really long sentence, so maybe you should put a period after wearing and say, "I'm waiting for him...." And at the first you use past tense, but then you switch to present tense. It should look something like this:

Okay, so I'm on this balcony, and I'm waiting for this guy who only knows me by this swan mask I'm wearing. I'm waiting for him so I can jump into his arms and ride off into the sunset.

It was a large handsome splotch on the ground.

There should be a comma between large and handsome--they can be switched in order, so you know the rule .

Lady Agatha – an unusually rotund women – was wearing the same mask as me and Prince Crispin must have thought she was me and told her to jump in his arms.

This is just a personal preference, but I think it would sound a little better if you changed this to two sentences, like:

Lady Agatha – an unusually rotund women – was wearing the same mask as me. Prince Crispin must have thought she was me and told her to jump in his arms.

It's technically right, though.

Keep up the good work!!
~~leeanna13097