Writers block

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A piece of paper, full of endless possibilities, and for her endless frustration.

She glared down at its vast emptiness, as if it were the source of all her problems. It simply stared back, mocking her, as if daring her to write the thoughts and ideas that it knew were not there. She felt a need to write, a longing that ran deep...but nothing was coming. It wasn’t the paper’s fault, it wasn’t her pen’s either. Nope, it was her own self that held back her writing. The plot possibilities ran through her head, many times starting them, but running out of idea where to take them. She leaned back in her chair, rubbing her hand over her face, trying to wipe away the exhaustion She felt like slamming her head into the hard oak in front of her, but doubted even that would unclog the block that held a grip on her creativity. But all that would accomplish would be giving her a huge headache. From the time she had been sitting there, her right leg had fallen asleep. She stood up, pacing the hardwood floors until the pins and needles subsided. While she was up she figured she’d make herself a cup of tea, to soothe her nerves, and maybe something to eat.

She walked the short way from her study to her cramped little kitchen. The tiles were cracked, and some of the cabinets didn’t have doors, but it was functional. She took the whistling tea kettle, her most loved and used kitchen gadget; over to the small sink and dumped out the water from yesterday, filling it once again with fresher. She placed it on the stovetop, and turned the little white knob until it pointed to the 9, and the burner glowed with heat. As she waited for it to boil, she pulled out her favorite mug, large and green that had been a gift from her college roommate. Then she searched for something to keep her gnawing hunger under control. Her cabinets were almost empty, but she managed to dig up an old box of macaroni, a can of condensed soup, and a half full box of lemon Girl Scout cookies.
The quickest and least objectionable option would be the cookies, so she decided on those. Pulling out a small plate, she dumped six cookies onto it, leaving around six more for another time. She could hear the water beginning to heat up, so she pulled down a large basket filled with boxes of all sorts off green, herbal, and chai teas. Selecting one of her favorites a raspberry blend, she placed it back in its spot atop the fridge. Looking around for something for something sweet, she spotted the little amber honey bear nestled between the flour bin, and some napkins.

The kettle soon began to whistle and shriek. In one fluid movement she turned, grabbed the honey, pulled the kettle away from the heat, silencing the noise almost instantly, and poured the steaming water into the waiting mug. She watched as the herbs began bleeding into the water until it turned the whole thing a deep red. Fixing it so it was sweet, but still maintained its flavor; she balanced the plate on the cup, and made her way back to the study.

She found that in her absence her cat Nero, had found a new sunning spot, his thin brown striped tail flicking back and forth over the empty page. His eyes were closed, and he was wearing that content smirk that cats often do wear. She smiled down at him, putting the things on the other end of the desk so as not to get cat hair in them, and rubbed his ears. Opening his eyes ever so slowly, he mewed quietly, and pushed his head harder into her hand, demanding that she pet him more. They sat like that for a while, until she had polished off everything she had brought with her, and Nero had grown bored, swaggering off to find a piece of string to stalk and kill.

So, she had nothing to do but sit and stare at the paper on her desk. Letting her mind wander, she thought about possible stories of murders, or love, or sex and drugs, none of them inspiring her to write. She thought back to her first creative writing class in high school. “Write what you know” Had been the teacher’s number one advice “Capture the feeling of the character with your own, how is your character supposed to know how to feel, if you don’t.”

“Write what you know,” she muttered to herself.

She picked up her pen, putting it to the top of the page and wrote. The ink flowing quickly, filling the paper with letters and words. She didn’t stop, the inspiration keeping her writing until she felt she was finished. She felt satisfied, her need to write quenched, and the grip that had been in place for months, holding her creativity hostage was weakened. She looked down at the pages, now full, and read the first line she had written... “A piece of paper....”


Note-This is the first thing I've written in months that I've finished. It's not at all my best work, but I'm just getting back into the groove of writing. Feel free to rip it.

~Hope
Last edited by BondGirl007 on Fri Jan 22, 2010 6:33 am, edited 2 times in total.
"I'd rather be hated for being who I am, then loved for who I'm not."




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Wow, Bond! I liked this a lot. I really, really liked the ending. The whole story I could picture perfectly, I also could relate to the character. (Because I love tea and wishing I could slam my head on desks!) The only problem I saw was this:

BondGirl007 wrote:She leaned back in her chair, rubbing her face over her face,
I laughed my self silly trying to picture this!

Anyways, I really enjoyed your story, I look forward to more!
Simply Crazed.

Once you see death up close, then you know what the value of life is. - SAW VI




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Hey, Hope!

I don't know that I've ever reviewed you before. At any rate, here this goes. :)


This short story is straining against itself, almost as if it's got writers block. :P I would make some changes to this -- ease up on the heavy description, because it's tough to chew through, dear. See, look here:


She glared down at its vast emptiness, as if it were the source of all her problems. It simply stared back, mocking her, as if daring her to write the thoughts and ideas it knew were not there. She felt a need to write, a longing that ran deep...but nothing was coming. It wasn’t the paper’s fault, it wasn’t her pen’s either. Nope, it was her own self that held back her writing. The plot possibilities ran through her head, many times starting them, but running out of idea where to take them. She leaned back in her chair, rubbing her hand over her face, trying to wipe away the exhaustion She felt like slamming her head into the hard oak in front of her, but doubted even that would unclog the block that held a grip on her creativity, all that would accomplish would be giving her a huge headache. From the time she had been sitting there, her right leg had fallen asleep, so she stood up, pacing the hardwood floors until the pins and needles subsided. While she was up she figured she’d make herself a cup of tea, to soothe her nerves, and maybe something to eat.



A very wordy paragraph, with heavy description! Cut back a lot of it; the way I see it you could mush this into three sentences -- sift out the information we need, and just give us that.

Also, the image of a page mocking the writer is a little bit too common, a little overdone. ;)

Also, look heeeere:


The quickest and least objectionable option would be the cookies, so she went with those. Pulling out a small plate, and dumping six cookies onto it, leaving about another six for another time. She could hear the water beginning to heat up, so she pulled down the large basket filled with boxes of all sorts off green, herbal, and chai teas. Selecting one of her favorites a raspberry blends, she placed it back in its spot atop the fridge. Looking around for something for something sweet, she spotted the little amber honey bear nestled between the flour bin, and napkins.


Too much active present tense here. She's doing everything at once, dear! Pulling the cookies and dumping it and leaving some behind -- it's all a lot in one mouthful. My advice: Make some of this past tense. Eliminate the extra details. Don't tell us her every move; just enough so that we know what's going on.


See, because, all of this detail is making us wonder what you're building up to, and in the end you can't really deliver anything to outdo all of this, you know? Remember, less is better; all you need is enough description and detail for us to comprehend her state at the moment, the rest of it is just deadwood.



Also! This theme of writers block and inspiration hitting suddenly is kind of overdone, so! I think that it's awesome that you've approached it, but I feel that you should do it in a more original way. Add a twist. Maybe a random plot bunny jumps on the counter top and helps itself to a taste of her tea? ...

... or is that too much?

Hope that helps some. :D

June
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This is from another comment
"A very wordy paragraph, with heavy description! Cut back a lot of it; the way I see it you could mush this into three sentences -- sift out the information we need, and just give us that.

Also, the image of a page mocking the writer is a little bit too common, a little overdone."

I disagree with this. This story I think is excellent and all the detail enables the reader to visualize it in his or her head. You create the image or a starving artist, well in this case, a starving writer.

I like the bit about the cat. My cat is like that also. When I am at the computer, he likes to jump up and lay on the keyboard demanding some attention.




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Hey Hope! 'Tis me! :D The thing I noticed most in here is apostrophes in all the wrong places, so that's what most of this review is going to be complaining about. ;)

A piece of paper, full of endless possibilities, and for her endless frustration.


The last bit doesn't really make sense to me. "and for her endless frustration". Could you change that maybe? Also, you repeated endless twice in this sentence, so... I dunno, it just doesn't look quite right to me.

She glared down at its vast emptiness, as if it were the source of all her problems. It simply stared back, mocking her, as if daring her to write the thoughts and ideas it knew were not there.


Change that to this.

She glared down at its vast emptiness, as if it were the source of all her problems. It simply stared back, mocking her, as if daring her to write the thoughts and ideas that it knew were not there.


Nope, it was her own self that held back her writing.


"Nope" doesn't seem to fit in with the rest of this. I'd just use "No".

She leaned back in her chair, rubbing her hand over her face, trying to wipe away the exhaustion She felt like slamming her head into the hard oak in front of her, but doubted even that would unclog the block that held a grip on her creativity, all that would accomplish would be giving her a huge headache.


I found a few things here, so I'll just change it to how I would do it.

She leaned back in her chair, rubbing her hand over her face, trying to wipe away the exhaustion. She felt like slamming her head into the hard oak in front of her, but doubted even that would unclog the block that had a grip on her creativity. All that would accomplish would be giving her a huge headache.


From the time she had been sitting there, her right leg had fallen asleep, so she stood up, pacing the hardwood floors until the pins and needles subsided.


Change that to this.

From the time she had been sitting there her right leg had fallen asleep. She stood up, pacing the hardwood floors until the pins and needles subsided.


She took the whistling tea kettle, her most loved and used kitchen gadget; over to the small sink and dumped out the water from yesterday, filling it with fresh.


Eh... I like this sentence, but there are several things that I noticed.

She took the whistling tea kettle, her most loved and used kitchen gadget, over to the small sink and dumped out the water from yesterday, filling it up again with new water.


"filling it with fresh" didn't look right to me, and that was what I came up with to fix it. I know it's not too good, but there you have it.

She placed it on the stovetop, and turned the little white knob until it pointed to the 9, and the burner glowed with heat.


Try making that look like this.

She placed it on the stovetop and turned the little white knob until it pointed to the 9. The burner glowed with heat.


As she waited for it to boil, she pulled out her favorite mug, large and green that had been a gift from her collage roommate. Then searched for something to keep her gnawing hunger under control.


Uh... not quite right.

As she waited for it to boil she pulled out her favorite mug, large and green, that had been a gift from her college roommate. Then she searched for something to keep her gnawing hunger under control.


Try that.

Her cabinets were almost empty, but she managed to dig up an old box of macaroni, a can of condensed soup, and a half full box of lemon Girl Scout cookies.


This has nothing to do with the review, but... GIRL SCOUT COOKIES!!! :D

*Ahem* Right, sorry.

The quickest and least objectionable option would be the cookies, so she went with those. Pulling out a small plate, and dumping six cookies onto it, leaving about another six for another time.


Try this?

The quickest and least objectionable option would be the cookies, so she went with those. Pulling out a small plate, she dumped six cookies onto it, leaving around six more for another time.


She could hear the water beginning to heat up, so she pulled down the large basket filled with boxes of all sorts off green, herbal, and chai teas. Selecting one of her favorites a raspberry blends, she placed it back in its spot atop the fridge. Looking around for something for something sweet, she spotted the little amber honey bear nestled between the flour bin, and napkins.


I found a few mistakes here, mostly apostrophes in the wrong places.

She could hear the water beginning to heat up, so she pulled down a large basket filled with boxes of all sorts of green, herbal, and chai teas. Selecting one of her favorites, a raspberry blend, she placed it back in its spot atop the fridge. Looking around for something for something sweet, she spotted the little amber honey bear nestled between the flour bin and some napkins.


The kettle soon began to whistle and shriek. In one fluid movement she turned, grabbing the honey, and pulling the kettle away from the heat, silencing the noise almost instantly, and pouring the steaming water into the waiting mug. She watched as the herbs began bleeding into the water until it turned the whole thing a deep red. Fixing it so it was sweet, but still maintained its flavor; she balanced the plate on the cup, and made her way back to the study.


Uh... maybe try it like this?

The kettle soon began to whistle and shriek. In one fluid movement she turned, grabbed the honey, pulled the kettle away from the heat, silencing the noise almost instantly, and poured the steaming water into the waiting mug. She watched as the herbs began bleeding into the water until it turned the whole thing a deep red. Fixing it so it was sweet, but still maintained its flavor; she balanced the plate on the cup, and made her way back to the study.


Also, I never saw any mention of putting the honey in the mug.

She found that in her absence her cat Nero, had found a new sunning spot, his thin brown striped tail flicking back and forth over the empty page. His eyes closed, and wearing that content smirk that cats often do wear. She smiled down at him, putting the things on the other end of the desk so as not to get cat hair in them, and rubbed his ears. Opening his eyes ever so slowly, he mewed quietly, and pushed his head harder into her hand, demanding she pet him more. They sat like that for a while, until she had polished off everything she had brought with her, and Nero had grown bored, swaggering off to find a piece of string to stalk and kill.


Try this.

She found that in her absence her cat Nero had found a new sunning spot, his thin brown striped tail flicking back and forth over the empty page. His eyes were closed, and he was wearing that content smirk that cats often wear. She smiled down at him, putting the things on the other end of the desk so as not to get cat hair in them and rubbed his ears. Opening his eyes ever so slowly, he mewed quietly, and pushed his head harder into her hand, demanding that she pet him more. They sat like that for a while until she had polished off everything she had brought with her, and Nero had grown bored, swaggering off to find a piece of string to stalk and kill.


“Write what you know.” she muttered to herself.


Just one small thing here. that period should be an apostrophe. So;
“Write what you know,” she muttered to herself.


She picked up her pen, putting it to the top of the page and wrote. The ink flowing quickly, filling the paper with letters and words.


Just a couple things here.

She picked up her pen, put it to the top of the page, and wrote, the ink flowing quickly, filling the paper with letters and words.


All-in-all, I really liked this, just make the paragraphs a bit smaller. :)

*sighs and puts down magic reviewing pen* Okay, I think I'm done now.

Happy YWSing!

~Gsp
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]A piece of paper, full of endless possibilities, and for her endless frustration.

She glared down at its vast emptiness, as if it were the source of all her problems. It simply stared back, mocking her, as if daring her to write the thoughts and ideas that it knew were not there. She felt a need to write, a longing that ran deep...but nothing was coming. It wasn’t the paper’s fault, it wasn’t her pen’s either. Nope, it was her own self that held back her writing. The plot possibilities ran through her head, many times starting them, but running out of idea where to take them. She leaned back in her chair, rubbing her hand over her face, trying to wipe away the exhaustion She felt like slamming her head into the hard oak in front of her, but doubted even that would unclog the block that held a grip on her creativity. But all that would accomplish would be giving her a huge headache. From the time she had been sitting there, her right leg had fallen asleep. She stood up, pacing the hardwood floors until the pins and needles subsided. While she was up she figured she’d make herself a cup of tea, to soothe her nerves, and maybe something to eat.


First off, about the only good lines were the first two. Stories of the writer and the mocking paper are as old as writing itself. Description of writing and the act of writing is not the focus point. You seem to know this, and attempt to put some emotion into the act, but description kills it. No one cares about the settings details, no one cares about her nerves, or any drama about it.

There is no drama in writer's block. There is no conflict. You have no potency in this story's introduction and surely little more to hope for already! It appears bland and a struggle which will be overcome surely by its end. And which it does, leads to a chronicle of nothing special and nothing unique. It does little to emphasize the power of writer's block and the fears lurking behind the pen.


She walked the short way from her study to her cramped little kitchen. The tiles were cracked, and some of the cabinets didn’t have doors, but it was functional. She took the whistling tea kettle, her most loved and used kitchen gadget; over to the small sink and dumped out the water from yesterday, filling it once again with fresher. She placed it on the stovetop, and turned the little white knob until it pointed to the 9, and the burner glowed with heat. As she waited for it to boil, she pulled out her favorite mug, large and green that had been a gift from her college roommate. Then she searched for something to keep her gnawing hunger under control. Her cabinets were almost empty, but she managed to dig up an old box of macaroni, a can of condensed soup, and a half full box of lemon Girl Scout cookies.
The quickest and least objectionable option would be the cookies, so she decided on those. Pulling out a small plate, she dumped six cookies onto it, leaving around six more for another time. She could hear the water beginning to heat up, so she pulled down a large basket filled with boxes of all sorts off green, herbal, and chai teas. Selecting one of her favorites a raspberry blend, she placed it back in its spot atop the fridge. Looking around for something for something sweet, she spotted the little amber honey bear nestled between the flour bin, and some napkins.

The kettle soon began to whistle and shriek. In one fluid movement she turned, grabbed the honey, pulled the kettle away from the heat, silencing the noise almost instantly, and poured the steaming water into the waiting mug. She watched as the herbs began bleeding into the water until it turned the whole thing a deep red. Fixing it so it was sweet, but still maintained its flavor; she balanced the plate on the cup, and made her way back to the study.


Just delete this. It is filler. It serves no purpose other then to take up space when you have already beat the dead horse. You are burying it under a mountain of words that mean nothing to her conflict. It is a distraction. This kind of junk works when TV writers need to fill time on their scripts.

She found that in her absence her cat Nero, had found a new sunning spot, his thin brown striped tail flicking back and forth over the empty page. His eyes were closed, and he was wearing that content smirk that cats often do wear. She smiled down at him, putting the things on the other end of the desk so as not to get cat hair in them, and rubbed his ears. Opening his eyes ever so slowly, he mewed quietly, and pushed his head harder into her hand, demanding that she pet him more. They sat like that for a while, until she had polished off everything she had brought with her, and Nero had grown bored, swaggering off to find a piece of string to stalk and kill.


Filler.

So, she had nothing to do but sit and stare at the paper on her desk. Letting her mind wander, she thought about possible stories of murders, or love, or sex and drugs, none of them inspiring her to write. She thought back to her first creative writing class in high school. “Write what you know” Had been the teacher’s number one advice “Capture the feeling of the character with your own, how is your character supposed to know how to feel, if you don’t.”


If only it were that simple, cause the middle was all filler. Least we get on track here.

“Write what you know,” she muttered to herself.

She picked up her pen, putting it to the top of the page and wrote. The ink flowing quickly, filling the paper with letters and words. She didn’t stop, the inspiration keeping her writing until she felt she was finished. She felt satisfied, her need to write quenched, and the grip that had been in place for months, holding her creativity hostage was weakened. She looked down at the pages, now full, and read the first line she had written... “A piece of paper....”


*bangs head on desk*

Cute ending, but all of this could have been done in two paragraphs. This is not a short story, it is the equivalent of a political book's filler. You know the type, the ones that come out within a week of some event and have nothing to do about the event? You wanted a harsh review, but there was nothing here worth my time or effort. It was filler, nothing worth sinking my intellectual teeth into.




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Hello Hope!

First of all, thanks for choosing me to be your reviewer! I'm trying to get my thread going so I can get on the ball with my reviews again, so it helps!

Okay. So I liked this. You have writer's block, so you write about writer's block. If anything, this gets you back in the swing of things.

I think everyone already got any nitpicks I'd have had; I'd just tell you to go back and take a really good look at your punctuation.

She glared down at its vast emptiness, as if it were the source of all her problems. It simply stared back, mocking her, as if daring her to write the thoughts and ideas that it knew were not there.

This bugs me a bit because you used "as if" two sentences in a row, but really, no biggie. You can fix that easily. Just wanted to point it out.

I'd also say that as you put a lot of description into the mundane, you might want to play around with it and make it really exciting or suspenseful. You did that a little in the part where she took the kettle off the burner and got the honey:
In one fluid movement she turned, grabbed the honey, pulled the kettle away from the heat, silencing the noise almost instantly, and poured the steaming water into the waiting mug.

It's like Super Kettle Woman! I want to see more of this story like that.

You may not know it, but you've taught me something here. "Write what you know." As stupid as it sounds, no one has ever told me that before. I found myself the other night trying to convince myself NOT to write about why I keep my tree up all year, but why not?

I like the detail you put in here. Usually lots of description gets old, but it seems to work here. I've already told you just spice it up more, but it's great descriptive practice.

I also really enjoyed how it came back to the beginning. It reminds me of having a mirror in front of and behind you; just the same, it's a pretty cool effect.

she thought about possible stories of murders, or love, or sex and drugs,

This made me have to instantly go listen to Meat Loaf. :D

That's all I really have to say, so thanks for the lesson, the post, and take care!
Keep writing. I'm sure some epic plot line will come to you!
~Freyja
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I really liked this! I don't care what anyone else says about this topic being overdone or the story not accomplishing anything because its not true. You have given the world a glimpse of this characters life and it was interesting all the way through. And the starving writer caters to your audience here, of course ;)

For some reason I'm spell-bound by little stories like this. I love the glimpse into the life of a random person out there in the world. It can be so interesting to get a sense of how other people live, can't it?

Anyways, lovely story, cute ending, and congrats on finishing something! It feels great, especially after months of being unable to do so (I know for certain how that feels!).

Keep writing, and get more done so the lovely people here at YWS can see it! :)

-Lauren
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Hey there!
Here as requested :P - Anyway I see this has been nitpicked a lot, so I'll focus on content and development! :)

Well what can I say? The writing structures are fluent and it's easy to follow, almost all of us can associate with your description and feel of writer's block so it's vivid and delivers that effect that's needed to hold up the grip. I think the content of your work is brilliant I especially love this bit:
The ink flowing quickly, filling the paper with letters and words. She didn’t stop, the inspiration keeping her writing until she felt she was finished.

I love how this is worded and I enjoyed it very much. Overall I love your work and my only improvement really would be to pack a punch in your ending, I feel that it lacked the quality of the rest of your writing, but besides that I LOVED it! Keep up the writing! *Likes*

Ben.




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Thank you everyone for the reviews, I really appreciate them :D.

I love how I got two completely different reactions to this, I think it's funny.

This really wasn't anything meant to be great, it's just my trying to start back into the flow of writing again, and I was really surprised that people actually liked it :D. So thank you all for reviewing, and starring it.

~Hope
"I'd rather be hated for being who I am, then loved for who I'm not."



You, who have all the passion for life that I have not? You, who can love and hate with a violence impossible to me? Why you are as elemental as fire and wind and wild things...
— Gone With the Wind